I know that this isn't really related to Pregnancy or Parenting but I like the crowd and it just seems like the best place to ask.
My best friends father died this morning.
It was a sudden death--heart attack.
I don't have a licence to go see her.
I've never really been exposed to death because I lived away from my family for the most of my life.
I wanted to go bring her something for lunch...and called my husband so he's going to pick me up BUT since I don't have a license he'd just drop me off at the hopital.
If they left the hospital they'd have to take me and my son with them. I feel that I'd be an inconvenice then.
What should I do?
I have the best intentions but I don't want to be a nuccensince.
2006-09-06 03:51:12 · 20 answers · asked by .vato. 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
She called me and I told her that if there is anything I could do to give me a call. BUT she's the type of person who just won't ask for help...she waits for you to help her. I feel so bad.
2006-09-06 03:56:17 · update #1
Here's where it gets really complicated. We are military wifes. We have no family around. She only has her mom. We are each others families.
2006-09-06 03:58:28 · update #2
Your friend and her family are probably really busy right now. There's a lot of stuff that has to happen after a death and since it's sudden they haven't had any time to prepare. I would find out where the family is gathering tonight and bring some prepared foods that can be easily re-heated in disposable containers and some snack foods like cookies and crackers. I always bring boxes of tissues with me when I visit grieving friends. There never seems to be enough tissues. Stay as long as you want with your friend and her mother - it's always good to have your friends near when there's been a tragedy especially when there's not a lot of family near by.
2006-09-06 04:06:18 · answer #1 · answered by Susan G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good for you wanting to be there for her. Despite saying that she'll ask for help, she probably won't. Think about how you might feel in the same situation. Does she have a husband or kids? Whether she does or not I'd go straight to her house and make sure everyone is fed and that she has a clean house to come home to. Speak to the neighbours and keep the casseroles coming for a few days (any overspill can go into the freezer). Walk her kids to school and soccer practise. But most of all be available, eventually she will need to talk.
2006-09-06 11:03:38 · answer #2 · answered by Joyous 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can find another ride like cab but, Don't worry if you have to ask for them to give you a ride home Really it's the least of their worries right now. It's much nicer to have your loved ones around you in a time of tragedy It's a very hard time for them all but I'm sure that your friend would really like someone to cry on. Big pointers to being with someone grieving is to just let them do all the talking, do not try to make them understand why it has happened to them. Don't say things like "I'm so sorry" it a natural response but they are so angry they are most-likely thinking what I was "what are you sorry for? you didn't kill him?" Just be there for her, tell her if there is anything you can do for her you'll do it let her hug you when she needs it, let her cry. Just being beside her and not saying to much is the best thing you can do, bring her food etc... Trust me I know... I have lost both my parents, all my grandparents, my oldest son & my first boyfriend and numerous others... I am in the process of going back to school to become a grief counsellor. Don't ask the family if they are going for counselling, but maybe find out what kind of services they have to offer in your area and get some brochures.
I will pray for her & her family!
2006-09-06 11:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait till the family gets home from the hospital.My father passed away from an heart attack and as soon as we got home family was sitting in their cars in the drive way.It helps when people are around once everyone leaves is when the break down starts.see if you can stay a couple of days with her.If not go over and straighten up a little.Little things mean so much during this time.See if she need you to make calls to family members and friends that don't know about her dad yet.Let her bring up things about her dad first that way you know she wants to talk alittle.if she breaks down change the subject.
2006-09-06 11:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of buses that go back and forth from hospitals check your local schedule, also you could take a taxi. Your friend probably won't mind taking you home though! I know that when I went through a very tragic death in my family I wanted the people I loved most in my life there for me! Be there for her! Ask her before you go if it is okay that she drive you home. I think she will need you there! I'm sorry for the loss.
2006-09-06 10:58:31 · answer #5 · answered by rye252000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very thoughtful of you to go and just be there for your bestfriend. However, if they ask you to stay with them, kindly decline and tell them you are staying at a hotel or at a nearby motel. but if they insist that you stay with them, then all the better because they definitely need some support and an extra hand in the chores. but be sure to mind your son :)
2006-09-06 10:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by Esthon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her and let her know if there is anything you can do for her. I just lost my brother and my step-sister did the same thing for me, and I had to lug her around I didn't care, at least I had someone there with me otherwise I probably would have crashed and burned while driving. She even drove the car for me a few times.
2006-09-06 10:55:56 · answer #7 · answered by MOVING 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you wait till later then ring her and see if she is home. Then your husband can pop you over there and look after your son then you can give your friend your undivided attention.
Not much help really but your do the right thing anyway true Friends do.
2006-09-06 10:54:45 · answer #8 · answered by Wim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are like her falmily anyway then I don't see how you could be an inconvienance to her, if anything right now she would want you around regardless of if you have your son with you. And if she has kids then it might be nice for them to play and give her some time.
2006-09-06 11:29:02 · answer #9 · answered by brunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs her family right now, there will be lots of opportunities within the next few months to do the "lunch thing." Send a card and some flowers, let her know that you are there for her. Trust me when she needs you, she will let you know.
2006-09-06 10:56:49 · answer #10 · answered by miz piz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋