My husband and I have been living with my mom for the last year because we are unable to afford a place of our own. She is pretty picky about her house and wants my husband to help repair it, since all we pay is utilities. My husband gets upset when ever she talks about helping her out. Now wants me to choose between her or him. I think that this is unfair. He also wants to move to another state ASAP. I am having a really hard time dealing with this. I need some input as to what I should do.
2006-09-06 03:36:48 · 9 answers · asked by hibiscusdreamer 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Your husband resents being made to feel like he's a kid in someone else's house-being ordered. Your mother feels like he needs to work to stay. If your husband is a good man, move. Just let him know you love him enuf to move anywhere he wants to go, but you don't appreciate being put in the middle like this and make him realize that moving cross country is not going to keep you from being a daughter. Tell your mother she's taking your husband's manhood from him by treating him like that and you don't appreciate being put in the middle like that. Let your mother know you AND YOUR HUSBAND appreciate all she's done for you (plural). If your mom's a good woman, she'll get over the initial hurt feelings and wish you two well when you let her know you're moving. If she goes off on you, then you know you needed to cut the strings and have a life separate from hers and she needed to cut the umbilical cord anyway. Just let your feelings known (in a calm manner), and I'm sure everything will work out for you. Hope this helps. Good Luck to you!!
2006-09-06 03:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For starters, if your husband is grousing about helping around the house, he needs a SERIOUS attitude adjustment. Your mother is being VERY kind by letting the two of you stay with her (I was told before I got married that once I tie the knot, I'm on my own, period). He needs to be much more appreciative of the benefit the two of you are receiving from her, and since it IS her house he needs to make sure that he helps clean the place to her satisfaction. You should tell him that he's being completely unfair by making you choose between the two of you. Depends on how far you want to push it, but in this case you may want to consider telling him that if he continues to act like an immature child you'll choose your mother over him. I wish you luck.
2006-09-06 03:42:39 · answer #2 · answered by sarge927 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You & your husband are grown ups & with this title comes responsibility. Your mother does have the right to voice her opinions & if you & your husband do not agree with her, you must then find your own place to live & in doing that you will be taking the first step in being responsible for your own lives. I hope this helps....
2006-09-06 03:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by Donald R 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'll tell you want my wife told me: "Its like a ship...everyone has to pitch in to keep it afloat." given that it's her house, it's her ship and she's the captain. Depending your moms tone of vioce he might be justified in being angry, but not to the point of giving you an ultimatum. if not, tell him to hunker down and deal with it till you can move. he might be felling insecure that yall cant live by yourselves and taking it out on her, but tell him to keep in mind that she's probably as stressed about ya'll living there as he is. it is, however, totally unfair to give you an ultimatum - instead he should have the attitude of "i can't wait to be living alone with you. you know what - since i can't wait, i'm gonna get a second job so we can afford to move!" good luck!
2006-09-06 03:53:02 · answer #4 · answered by gummydad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mom isn't out of line asking him to help around the house. But him asking you to choose should be raising red flags like crazy. This sort of ultimatum becomes habitual, he'll be threatening you with it on an ongoing basis. Sort of like "do it my way, or I won't love you anymore". That is emotional blackmail. Strongly suggest that if you want your marriage to work, you get marriage counselling, or tell the jerk to hit the road.
2006-09-06 03:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is it about your husband that would make you choose him over your mom? If you had a child would you want them to be forced into choosing you over their spouse? How could you stay with such an unreasonable person? I lost my mom not to long ago, I would give anything in the world to be able to talk to her.... If I were you my choice would be very clear: blood is thicker than water..... family sticks together.He is probably not the MAN for you.... good luck!
2006-09-06 04:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by whateversatx 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You won't like my answer, probably. I think your mother is well within her rights to ask your husband to help out with repairs, especially since you don't pay rent. But to ask you to choose, I agree is not fair.
2006-09-06 03:40:00 · answer #7 · answered by jessiekatsopolous 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Um... I'd chose mom. Any self respecting man who is living with your parents (practically rent free) should be helping around the house without being asked. Tell him to hit the road, before he brings you down to his level.
2006-09-06 04:18:21 · answer #8 · answered by Annabelle418 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
move out, or give him a B.J. infront of her. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
2006-09-06 03:40:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋