I'm 25 years old and beofre he proposed, we were not in an exclusive relationship, we were friends and I was never really attracted to him physically. He's 35 y.o, stable job, has a good job and plenty of money in the bank, he respects me and loves me but I'm scared to marry him. He's a great guy but I'm reluctant to marry him since I was never really attracted to him. We're spending a lot of time together now that we're engaged but I'm still not 100% sure because of how he look.k Is this shallow of me? Should I go on with it since looks aren't as important as personality and how he treats me?
2006-09-06 03:08:27 · 33 answers · asked by MsAqua 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Whoa. I am getting more of the `friend only vibe' from you. You need to sit down ASAP with this guy and talk to him. You don't want him telling everyone that he is getting married then have to tell everyone differently. That would crush him. Spare the nice guys!!! There isn't to many of them left. So sit down with him soon and tell him. Don't marry anyone if you do not fill ready. You will be miserable the whole time and it's never going to work. If he doesn't cut it...don't marry. You marry someone, because you love them and you see yourself spending your life with them. Atleast that is the way that I see it. Spare the heartaches, call it off if you are not ready. If he cares for (he may be upset) but in the long run he would uderstand. Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck!
2006-09-06 03:22:29 · answer #1 · answered by ☮ Erica ☮ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He actually sounds like a pretty good guy - but you have to go with what you feel. Might be worth giving it some time to see how you feel after awhile. Physical attraction isn't everything, but it is important, and if you just don't really want to marry him, then you shouldn't. But realize that in the long run, personality, stability and how he treats you are a lot more important than movie-star looks. But that doesn't mean that HE's the guy you should marry, either..
At 35 he's probably wanting to settle down. At 25, you might want to be free a little longer, not unreasonable.
2006-09-06 03:14:41 · answer #2 · answered by Judy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks have nothing to do with this, do you LOVE him? If not, don't get married just to hurt the guy and get a divorce. You should be somewhat physically attracted to him, but that attraction comes along with how well you perceive his personality. Ask you self if you could/ would be completely faithful to him, and be his wife and love him forever. Can you say YES to all of those at the moment? If not, rethink marrying him. Maybe you need to get to know him better as more of 'exclusive relationship' vs. a friend. If it still doesn't work out move on, but be happy that you made the decision BEFORE the marriage or you would have a 'DIVORCE' stamp on your record.
2006-09-06 03:14:19 · answer #3 · answered by PeachyFixation 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have accepted his engagement if you had any doubts. If you aren't attracted to him now, you probably never will be. If it is his style maybe that can change over time. But if you are talking about his physical features than unfortunately that's not something you can ask him to change.
I feel you're in too deep and you better bail before you break his heart even worse.
I don't think you shallow since we all have to be physically attracted to someone at least at first.
It's just a shame that you said YES to marry him with that many doubts running through your heart.
2006-09-06 03:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing you might want to remember is that you will have to wake up looking at this person every morning for the next 50 years. If you're not attracted to him physically, you might not be too happy in the long run. Looks shouldn't be so important but in actuality, they are regardless of what people say.
You have to decide if its more important to be friends with your husband and know you can trust him or is it more important to be physically attracted to him? Looks do fade over time. Who's to say you'll look as good as you do today 40 years from now?
2006-09-06 03:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by treasures320 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about how you would feel if he found someone else. If you knew there was NO chance of ever being with him again would take this chance now? My husband is my best friend... that is way more important than romantic feelings and all of that. Don't say you will marry him and then back out... you will not only lose your chance to ever be with him but you might lose him as a friend all together. Just push your mind a little bit on this one... you might be suprised at how much you care about him.
2006-09-06 03:12:21 · answer #6 · answered by ND Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably thinking about marrying him so he can take care of you. That's a good start. BUT, by getting married, you are also making the commitment to have sex regularly and have his children. If you are not physically attracted to him, there might be a problem. It might be shallow, but at least your being honest to yourself. Now you need to be honest with him. If you don't want to hurt his feelings, just tell him that you're not ready. You will be setting your marriage to this guy up for failure. It might lead to infidelity, hurt, all kinds of problems, and eventually, probably divorce.
Good luck!
2006-09-06 03:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by MoMoney23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is prettty shallow, but at the end of the day, its what you want, not him, and its up to you to sit him down and talk about it. You need to make him understand the reasons (not the shallow reason) why you shouldn't get married. And whats the point of getting married now, spending all that cash and then getting divorced a few months down the line. End the hurt now, itl make sense later.
Good Luck. And all the best.
2006-09-06 03:11:17 · answer #8 · answered by Mr Y! Answers 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes looks aren't as important as character, but character itself makes a person attractive in their own way. I would suggest you ask him to prolong the engagement. It should have been a condition in the first place since you 2 were not in love before. You also need to be able to define what love is for you because you could looking for butterflies instead of genuine true love.
2006-09-06 03:12:10 · answer #9 · answered by Sofia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no of course not.
it doesn't matter what kind of job he has, (that could change) nor the money he has (that could change too).
what does matter is things like: how does he handle conflict? what is his work ethic? how does he set goals? what expectations does he have of other people?
as for what he looks like, well I can't say whether you are shallow or not. regardless of your values, it does matter to you or you wouldn't mention it.
what I can tell you is that your relationship is at it's best before marriage... I"m not suggesting that marriage breaks or deteriorates a relationship but it highlights the strengths (that existed before, ) and it highlights and exaggerates the faults (that existed before). if you aren't sure, don't do it.
you should never sell yourself or your future to what you think might turn out well. you could live with regret and that is hard to recover from.
give it time, but if you have doubts... don't do it.
PS... I hate to sound like an oprah lover, but her frequent guest Dr Robin, wrote a book called lies at the alter.... it isn't about failed marriages but how to prevent a failed marriage and what you should know before you get married.
2006-09-06 03:15:16 · answer #10 · answered by artful dodger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋