who can give good advice to a 13 yo girl about problems with her parents?

Question

I have a strong resentment towards my parents. Of course it's not good but it's a fact. I've looked for advice, but can't find anyone who's eager or able to do it. When I talk with other parents, they always say I'm wrong and my parents right, whatever they do i right, whatever I do is wrong. Many call me a spoiled brat, just because I resent my parents. Pastors, priests and the like are the same, always scold you and support your parents. The same is true of school counselors. And whenteens post question here asking for advice on problems with their parents, people always call them spoiled brat though they don't know the details. Most people. So far I couldn't get any good advice. If you're resentful and people just tell you to change cause you're wrong, then this is not advice at all. I can ask for the advice of other teens, but I'm not sure if most of them can help. Well, where can I get advice. Seems it's impossible. It seems I'll have to wait until I go to college or leave home

Answer 1

You write and express yourself very well for 13 year old. I know what you're talking about when you say that the adults all seem to take the side of the parents. One possibility is that as adults they have forgotten what it's like to be a teen, another is that they're not very good listeners, and a third is that you may not be presenting your case to them in precisely the right way.

I suggest that you narrow down your complaints to just one or two major things. Then discuss just these one or two things with the counselor. The next time you see her, just discuss one or two things -- the same ones, or new ones, it does not matter as long as you're just discussing one or two topics.

What I suspect is that you do, in fact, have a number of valid issues, but that when the adults hear a long laundry list, they simply conclude that you are troubled adolescent who is hard to handle. It's easiest then, for them to take the side of your parents and blow you off. I recommend that you make one more try at getting help but be charming, and cute at the beginning of the session, and give the appearance throughout of having limited rather than global problems with your parents.

Answer 2

It's not that people support your parents rather than you, it's just that they recognize the years of experience adults have. You never said what you resent about your parents. It's very important that you talk about it . Holding in your feelings is like having a bad cut that infects and rather than doing anything about it you let a scab cover the would. In time the infections grows much worse until one day you're forced to deal with the situation. Maybe many, many years will pass before you take action, maybe the damage will be so severe that it could not be salvaged. Hopefully that will not be the case, but action will be taken immediately to remove the scab and the infection so that the would can heal. Do you see the similarity? If you do nothing about the problem it will get worse. In the future it will have to be dealt with. Don't wait until so much time has passed that the damage is permanent. Whatever the problem, no matter how sever, there are people who can help you. Be as grown up as you can, take advice with an open mind and by all means be open and honest. And remember too that God hears your cries for help and he will act according to his will. You may not see that answer as you want it now, but trust him, he will make it right for you if you give him the chance. If your pastor or priest hasn't helped, pray to God that he direct you to someone who will.

Answer 3

WHY are you resentful towards your parents? What have your parents done wrong, in your eyes? I think you should WANT to have a good relationship with your parents, and that you should respect them. Look into the reasons why this is not the case. Then examine those reasons and make changes yourself, or suggest some compromises with your parents. I am hoping the goal is to have good relations with your parents, though you did not state that. Teen years are tough for both kids and parents. Look for common ground, and take advantage of any areas where you and your parents can agree. I know you won't agree on everything, but try to come to a point where you can do a little more than just tolerate each other.

Answer 4

It's hard to tell what your question really is here.
Best advice I can give you is to just go with the flow and make your life easier. Treat your parents well with respect and maybe they will treat you the same. They probably do have your best interests at heart, even if you don't agree now or like their decisions. Just remember that they love you and will make mistakes. Try to see them as people besides being parents and you may find that you all have a lot in common. You might even come to a point that there can be a mutual trust and caring on both sides. Don't spend the next 5 years battling with them and resenting them. It will be a miserable time.

Answer 5

Ok...this is coming from an old lady...just to set the record straight. You are probably not always wrong. No one is always wrong or always right.

Try to listen to their advice and follow it where possible. This will show you are mature enough to listen to them. This could open a new line of communication with them.Once you have their attention, explain what you want if clear terms. Think ahead of time about the pros and cons. If the decision doesnt go your way, dont pout. Accept it and move on. Eventually your parents will see your maturity.

It is natural to resent your parents some time. As a teen you are going to want more freedom and be like the other kids. That is not always in your best interest. You need to earn your right to frreedom.

Answer 6

You share your problem with almost every teenager that ever lived.
It's a natural and necessary stage in your development.
Not knowing you I can only generalize, but in most cases the main problems seems to be that
a) the children want the rights of an adult without any of the duties,
while, at the same time
b) the parents refuse to give them more responsibility and rights because they think they are still too immature.
Do try to talk to your parents, maybe you can find a mature friend or relation as a "moderator" and try to resolve your problems in a reasonable way.
If both sides accept the feelings and problems of the other there should be no more reason to feel guilty. (I suspect your parents don't feel too good about it either)

Answer 7

I would love to help you and give you some good advice, but your not giving any details as to why you resent your parents so much. Maybe you should ask this question over again but tell us what the problem is so that you can get some answers and advice to your problem. Don't give up on this just yet.

Answer 8

You poor baby......everyone is against you! I suggest that you have an attitude adjustment, sweetie, or you will have a very miserable existance until you can leave home. You are a whiney, spoiled brat. That is about the best advise you are going to get here or any where. Take a good look at yourself and make at least one improvement a day until you feel better about your life! You are also too young to be on this site and why are you on this site in the middle of a school day????

Answer 9

It's great that you see that there is a problem between you and your parents and that you are seeking advice on how to deal with your feelings, but you didn't include any details regarding what has been going on to make you feel as you do. As generic advice, I would suggest family counseling for you and your parents if you can convince them that it would be a good idea. The counselor could offer an outside opinion while hearing all parties equally and remain unbiased.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Have you tried your grandparents? The old joke - kids get along with their grandparents because they have a common enemy.

If other parents, school counselors and ministers all say you are in the wrong, it is possible they are right, and you are being a spoiled brat.

I didn't check your profile. If you have an e-mail contact there, you are likely to get a couple of offers of sympathy from older men (16 and up) who ask you to meet them without telling your parents. They won't care what attitude you have, as long as you don't wear any underwear.

If is any solace, most 13 year olds have problems with their parents, and most blame others, not themselves.