My child is a teenager with moderate cognitive delay. (Mental Retardation) He always wants to know what is wrong I keep telling him everyone is different. It is so difficult because he looks "normal". but after talking to him you understand why he is in a special class, I am told that he will never be on his own.
He wants to be like other kids. He talks about driving, girls, working, reading, I am an educated person. I am not dealing with this and I do not know what to tell him. Especially when the word retard is sp prevelant. He even has a personal care aid at home. He rebells and says "I can do that "then he just stands there and he is not doing it.
I have looked on-line read books for many years. I need some advice. I can not put it off. HE IS JUST above the range where he is happily unaware. He is aware but ......can you please??
2006-09-06 02:17:30 · 14 answers · asked by sweet pea 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
he is painfully aware
2006-09-06 02:18:43 · update #1
"People with moderate retardation can learn to care for themselves but do not become independent, and people with profound and severe retardation need considerable supervision."
"Moderate mental retardation : that in which IQ is between 35–40 and 49–55; the person may talk or learn to communicate but has poor social awareness and only fair motor development, is unlikely to progress to the second grade level in academic skills, but can profit from vocational training and with moderate supervision can perform personal care."
**I have a 14 year old son who is Moderately Retarded, While he isnt in the group of those who cannot help himself, he cant be left completly alone either. He can barely read or write. Doesnt understand thingas as most young men his age do.
"Reading disorder : a learning disorder in which the skill affected is reading ability, including accuracy, speed, and comprehension and a disorder of written expression : a learning disorder in which the affected skill is written communication, characterized by errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, by poor paragraph organization, or by poor story composition or thematic development."
"He wants to be like other kids. He talks about driving, girls, working", my son does that to. When I try to talk to his teachers, they seem just to want to babysit him at school and not try to educate him; which I feel would be disableing him further.
My son is blissfully unaware of what he can really do, how he really is. When people call him stupid, I tell him he isnt stupid he just learns differently than others do. I read alot online as well, educating myself about his condition so that I wont expect more of him than he is able to give, but that I will expect of him what I know he can do. So that I dont give him a break when I know that if I push a bit harder, I will help him and not hinder him
"It is so difficult because he looks "normal". but after talking to him you understand why he is in a special class."
I deal with that too. Most people think Dean needs to grow up and act his age. Sometimes when Dean is having a hard time with things I take him to see a shrink, its not an every week thing, just when he is having a problem I cant seem to fix or deal with.
PS.. I see that some people think that he will go thru normal teen behaviour, however that is NOT true.
Some children with retardation do not go thru NORMAL TEEN BEHAVIOUR. Their minds have not and some will not mature.
2006-09-06 03:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have a special needs child but I do have a teenager, and you, sweetie, are in the thick of it.
If I were in your situation I would tell my son as much of the situation as he could understand, and no more. I would tell him that he will be able to do all of those things, but it will take him longer, and he will have to work very hard at it if he wants to do those things.
I would help him express himself through words or pictures or drawings, and then talk him through the steps of what he wants to achieve, maybe make a list. The idea is to get him caught up in working toward a goal, and then making him understand that it doesn't come easy for anyone, and it will take him a little longer than most people. I would tell him that, even if I never expected that he would live independently or drive a car. Good luck
2006-09-06 02:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very tough, I personally have no experience so I cannot be of any help. I feel sorry for you and him, but maybe it can turn out to be fine in the future. Maybe once he accepts him perdicament he will learn to cope with his being different than others and can lead a happy life.
You don't have to be "normal" to be happy. There are people out there who are cursed with being a genius and are never challenged and bored with life, remind him that life will be a challenge for him and so many adventures to look forward to- it can be quite exciting i fhe is accepting of his situation. I am also sure there are plenty of women out there for him, he's not the only one with his conditiona nd I bet he can find someone who has mild mental retardation so she understands or even someone who doesn't have it.
I would let him do simple things on his own and slowly build up to more complicated tasks.
It must be very frustrating for the both of you but I do not doubt that he will have a fulfilling and happy life once he realizes that yes he has a disability but it can be dealt with and some things may not come easy but they will eventually come and the feeling of accomplishing it will feel great.
Besides just having a aid can he work with a therapist that can help build up his skills?
Good luck and keep up the good work and patience it will all pay off.
2006-09-06 02:33:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could search for a group or program with others like your son . Having him around people like himself might help . Maybe he could meet a girl this way . There are special programs were he could work . Driving may prove difficult . Is he able to ride an electric scooter or some thing of this type ? Sorry probably not much help . just an idea .
2006-09-06 04:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by Butterfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's pretty difficult. He's a teenager, so retarded or not, he will still go through normal teen behavior. It's possible for him to get a job. I actually worked with a girl who was mentally retarded and her aide came with her. I'm sorry I don't know how to help, but seek counseling for yourself, as this is very hard on you.
2006-09-06 02:31:56 · answer #5 · answered by curly98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is a special ed teacher (on the opposite end, I'm afraid), and she would tell you to always have an open communication with your child's special teacher. Contact the teacher and ask if you can meet with him/her regarding your son. Ask what he/she recommends you do. As a professional in the area, there is a good chance that this problem has arisen before.
2006-09-06 02:25:02 · answer #6 · answered by Esma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally believe anything is possible. If he wants to do things that are normal (he won't be able to do everything) then you should help him to do that. He has the ambition to do it, now he just needs the help.
If I were you I would always let him try something himself first, and if he doesn't do it, then help him a little but still try to get him to do it on his own. It takes time. He needs encouragement, and he needs people who are positive that believe someday he will be able to do it.
2006-09-09 09:56:27 · answer #7 · answered by ForeverLove 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
in my opinon....dont treat him different then a "normal" person and if he has the confidence that he can do something then let him try to do it. please dont sit there and say " honey i love you , but there are somethings you cant do that a normal kid can do" noooo just tell him that some people in this world have somethings come easy at them and some people have "challenges" and have to work for what they want. and since god made you special he knows you can do his challenges for you. As far as girls go ....... tell him someday someone will come into your life and make it more beautiful then what it is.
2006-09-06 02:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by Ruthless 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might consider having him visit with a mental health counselor.
A not-too-involved medical explanation of his mental condition might help him accept that he has limitations.
However, you will want to be sure the counselor is prepared to emphasize his strengths as well.
I would have a private pre-session with the counselor first.
2006-09-06 03:10:37 · answer #9 · answered by Puzzler 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i say encourage him as much as possible he is still a teenage. boy and he is going to act as one have you talk to a consular on your on maybe a parent who is dilling with the same promble as your self. believe it or not he may be able to do some things on his on give him a chance and see what he can or can not do it may be hard for you to see him fail but maybe it will make him even more determined to try harder next time
2006-09-09 10:13:00 · answer #10 · answered by ann p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋