Moms...need your advice about my almost 4 year old little King...?

Question

I have been staying home with my son since last October and now I have an upcoming interview (because I've been longing to return to work). I am an ex-professional and this particular opportunity sounds very exciting, and it's only about 1/2 hour from home. My son is sooooo wonderful and I am so grateful for the last year we have been able to spend together, but I also feel selfish about me...

He will be 4 this month, and he's an only child. He's a very secure child, very confident child and is very close to both mom and dad.

My insecurity is that if I accept this job and go back to work, I'm worried about how my son will handle the transition.

My idea is this...re-hire (hopefully) his ex-nanny from before and also enroll him in a 3 hour a day/3 day a week pre-school program. He is not eligible for the school pre-school because of the waiting list. I know he would love the school part because he loves to have friends around.

Will he feel abandoned? Help!!

Answer 1

The transition will be difficult. No doubt. Maybe you can also start slow on your job, if they are receptive to it. School will ultimately distract him, but enroll him before you start wrking, else he might think that he is being sent to school because u want to leave him and go to work. So first enroll him, let him start school and then tell him that just like he needs to go to school, you need to go for work.

Answer 2

Have you asked him how he feels about it?

Of course, I've seen parents ask like this, "Do you want me to stop working and stay home with you and give up all the nice toys you have?" That's not a real question, the kids see through it, and because they are craving approval, they give the answer they know their parents want.

Statistically, day care is damaging before age 5. Boys are less happy about it than girls. Pre-school is pedagogically all wrong, teaches all wrong, teaches the wrong things - like materialism, cliques, conformity.

Your proposal is to take him from a nice happy life with you and give him the chaos of modern america - three days here, time with the nanny, pretty soon french lessons, mommy and daddy squeeze in appointments to see their heir.

I personally think you will go from having a happy confident boy to having a sad, typical American kid whose parents choose their 'interesting' professions over raising the kids they chose to bring here. I'm a professional, but I haven't worked since my oldest was a few months old and it was clear it was so devastating to him.

My job, a counselor, made it especially poignant - I was supposed to help other people while my own child suffered. When I got my mind around that, I wondered what I was thinking.

Now, in America, most of us will say you've done such a great thing, you've been home soooooo long. But, not long enough. He's not grown yet. Are you looking for permission to abandon him, because I think you already know how he would feel.

Lousy.

Answer 3

perhaps you can go to work part time?
its good you were able to stay home from work for as long as you did - kids surely benefit from having parents stay home when they are under 5 years (the most formative years are 0-5 or some say 6)
however it is also important that you realise he needs you all his life (especially when he is a teen - teens coming home to empty house means disaster - so I know he has a nanny now but plan for the future too when he is older)

yes he will feel abandoned in some way for the first few days until he starts making friends and enjoying preschool.. make sure your nanny is a good one - not a couch potatoe type

my daughter was an only child too and I was concerned as well... but you have to let go or it will be twice as hard when he would enter a full day of school

dont treat him like a king and certainly dont refer to him as one.. this will create a problem with too much ego... and he will be spoilt

Answer 4

He may have some difficulty adjusting at first. A familar person (the ex-nanny) will help. Actually 4 is the perfect age to start a preschool program it will give him the opportunity to learn the social skills that go along with being in a large group. Especially an only child who may need help learning to share, wait his turn and work with other kids on projects.

Answer 5

He may in the beginning. But once he gets used to Mommy working he will be fine. Spending time apart also helps both of you appreciate eachother more! I'm sure he will LOVE pre-school, most kids do. Don't worry, everything will be fine plus seeing both parents work will be a good thing this way he will learn to be more independent (like mommy and daddy) and learn work ethic!

Answer 6

You might want to begin the transition about 2 weeks before you go back to work.
Leave him for 2-3 hours at a time at first.
Search out a good children's book about 'Mommy Goes To Work' and talk to him about what it means.
Keep a block of time each evening that is just for him and you.
This is probably going to be harder for you than him.

Answer 7

Well, talk to your toddler about it. In simple terms: "Mommy is thinking about going to work like Daddy, would you like to start school?" His reaction will give you a base line as to how he is going to handle it. If you just spring it on him the day or so before he will probably have a hard time adjusting. If he gets upset when you talk to him about it ask him what he would like to do when mommy and daddy are at work. Do you want to stay at your home, would you like to go and play with some kids, or go to school some of the time.

If he seems extremely upset, would that job, or a similar one be available when he goes to school next year? Is money always worth it?
If he seems excited about going to school, but wants you to stay with him (explain to him that he is getting to be a big boy and his job is to go to school and your is to go to ____ your job).

Enroll him now and go with him the first few times, leaving a little earlier each time. If he seems to be handling it well, then go for the job.

Answer 8

He won't feel abandoned. He will go through a transition stage where he will be more clingy and may even cry when you drop him off. But, once he realizes how much fun he'll have at school, then he will fit right in.

You'll have a tougher time adjusting than he will!

I'm a mom that had to go back to work full time, so I remember the 'day care dropoff' day like it was yesterday. My daughter loves school!

Answer 9

at first yes he will feel that...but when he is in preschool after a couple of times he will make new friends...and when he starts regular school in a couple of years the separation will be easier for the both of you...and with the extra money..you can make weekends all about him,and he will love that