parents only please!!!!?

Question

My little girl is almost 6 and is allowed to play outside my house as i live in a cul-de-sac with loads of other kids. She is very independent and tries to push the boundries, wanting to play around the corner as some of the other kids are allowed to. When i tell her she can't she asks me why? For fear of scaring her by going into details about kids getting taken away how do i explain why she must stay where i can see her?

Answer 1

This is a tough one. It is always hard to find the right words to explain to a child. My husband is a police officer, so I tend to get more paranoid with my children because of his daily "war" stories from work. We live on a cul-de-sac as well. I just let them know that is the way it is. I have to be able to see them. I explain to them that I want to be the best parent, and I would not be doing my job if I let them out of my sight. Even in the best of neighborhoods there are bad people, and bad people visit good neighborhoods to get good children. I try to be honest with them without going into too much detail. I tell them about strangers and how to run away if anyone ever approaches them that they do not know. I try to explain that some people are not good like we are and that we have to be careful of them. And without bashing the other parents too badly, I explain that if something were to happen to those children, those parents would be so sad that they did not make them stay where they can keep an eye on them to help them if they needed it.

Deciding what to say to children is always tough. It is hard to find the words that they can understand, won't scare them too much, but will make them smarter when they are out there on their own.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

You sound just like me. Sometimes when mine keep asking and asking and asking and asking, I feel like giving them a horror story just so they'll be too scared to push very far.
I have four children ages 3, 5, 14 and 16. With my two sons, who are the elder of the four, sometimes I just put it in black and white about things. I dont sugar coat anything. They are wanting to try things that arent good for them, hang out with people whose parents may seem like they love their kids cause they let them do whatever they want, but in reality dont give a crap, because if they did they'd place some boundries for their kids.
With my two daughters, sometimes a no with a short answer is best. Kids under 10 sometimes have a hard time understanding the ansers in black and white and yes I understand that sometimes the details are just too much.
So with Summer who is 3 and Hannah who is 5 I tell them that they have to stay where I can see them, because there are mean bad people ( there are Child molestors who live in our city, some close to the schools and daycare here, and some a few streets over. So knowing this, I feel it neccessary to arm myself and my whildren with the knowledge that they exist.) who might take them away from mommy and daddy and they wont be able to come home. I Explain to them that sometimes people drive too fast and dont watch to see if someone is riding their bikes or playing ball and sometimes they crash. And sometimes when there seems to be a why even after the answers, I simply say no, because mommy loves you and doesnt want to lose you.

Answer 3

I think you're doing the right thing, and handling it well. You could explain to her that there are some safety rules she has to learn first before she's allowed to play out of sight of the house. Those rules include what to do if someone has an accident when they're playing, how to cross the road safely, how to tell the time and use a watch, and never to go off with anyone else for any reason.
Get her a cheap kids watch and start teaching her to tell the time, and to tell when 5 and 10 minutes are gone. Then when she's playing outsied make a game where she has to check in with you after 5 or 10 minutes, and if she manages to remember and do that she gets a little reward. You could make a progress chart with stickers.
Teach her that if someone hurts themselves while playing or starts to bully another kid then they are all supposed to stick together and come home straight away. That gets a group of friends used to the idea of watching out for each other and sticking together, and that is their best safety net.
When she is reliable about crossing the road, telling the time, checking in and so on you may feel a little safer about letting her play further from home for 20 minutes.
As for stranger danger, they need to know that they must never go off with anyone for any reason and that strangers will try to trick them to take them away from their parents, and tell lies. She must learn that it doesn't matter who they say they are; police woman or man, social worker, teacher - she must NEVER go off with anyone. Not even if they say that you are ill. Or talk to them or tell her name, or any other details.
Also, you can teach kids that they don't have to be polite or helpful to strangers or anyone they know if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Arrange a password with her so that if for any reason you have to send someone else to school to pick her up, it will hopefully be a named person that she knows and they will have the password.
Give your daughter the coping strategies and you will feel more confident. Take it little steps at a time.

Answer 4

I have a 4 yr old daughter that we've had to explain many times about kids getting taken away by strangers (especially living in New York City). I think a little fear is good, especially if she knows she'll never see Mommy or Daddy ever again. I mean, i wouldnt go into gruesome stories or anything (my kid was told by my wife that she'll be put into a dungeon) but she has to know that not everyone is as nice or loving as her family.

The only other issue i have is the kid questioning you "why?".
I find i sometimes start explaining myself when my kid asks, and then i catch myself, like "Whoa!! Why am i explaining myself to this kid?!?" They dont totally understand your answer anyway, so "Because i told you so!!" has to be good enough sometimes.

Im paranoid when it comes to what youre talking about, so i think your fears are legit.

Answer 5

Don't scare her warn her gently, I told my 8 year old daughter and my 6 year old son.

"there are some very very nasty people in the world who take children from their parents and homes, and you'd miss all of your toys & DVD's if someone was to take you away won't you"

It worked with mine and also I would say it is probably best to find out if there are any older children she is playing with and if so ask thier parents if you could have their mobile phone number as older children alway tend to have mobiles, also ask the older kids to keep an eye on her, they will.

When she gets older I suggest that you buy her a mobile so you can keep in touch my 8 year old has one and I always tell her to keep it in her pocket so it is not seen by others.

I myself was so afraid to have my children go out, infact up until last year they were only aloud to play in the back garden but you have to think to yourself that you are helping give your children life skills.

If you were to let her play off the street make sure that you instill in her the importance of letting you know where she is my children have to tell me where they are going and if they have found a new friend around the corner I ask them to show me where they live so I know where they are. Just tell her that you need to know where she is so that you can find her when dinner is ready that works for me.

Answer 6

First off, she will not understand the why. Children do not BEGIN developing the ability for conceptual thought process until puberty, so you need not explain anything. You need only stand you ground and inform her that it is your rules, and should she violate them, there will be penalties. Whatever form of punishment you use for violation of your rules, stick with the same reaction to her action, until it becomes a permanent memory. Children at this age learn everything through repetition. When they do something that you would rather they not, get disciplined for it, than go back and do it again, is because they don't fully remember the last time. This is a normal part of development, and if you think that your child is different, Christ didn't develop conceptual thought process until as 12. In fact, developing slower is a trait found in person with much longer life spans. Just be patient. You are doing right and you don't owe her any explanation as to why.

Take that from not only a father, but a grandfather, and someone who volunteers to work with young fathers for 17 years.

Answer 7

I have a 6 year old daughter just like yours.I did have a detailed conversation with her about the dangers and the truths in life,it did not scare her,instead it made her more aware of the dangers and the real world.I truely believe that when we sugar coat things in life,it is then that the ants can get control if you know what I mean.Have a nice gentle but detailed talk with her so that then she can also understand that mommy is not just letting her do certain things but that there is a ligitament reason for your actions.Hope it helps

Answer 8

Oh how I feel for you, all children like to explore as it's a way of learning and if they are told they cannot they deserve an honest answer. However I think 6 years is quite young to be out of mother's sight, maybe you could explain to her that sometimes cars drive too fast as opposed to having to say too much about bad people. Maybe you could have a word with the mothers' of other children and ask them if they can get their children to stay near your home. I wish you all the best wishes and hope you can find a solution without having to scare your little girl.

Answer 9

I know you dont want to scare your daughter but you do need to explain stranger danger to her!!!!!!6 is plenty old enough to understand that there are some bad ppl out there that take advantage of innocent children. And if your not comfortable with her playing around the corner then it should not be an issue your the mom.Good luck

Answer 10

You have to tell her the truth. At 6 even if she gets scared its OK. Better to be scared and then listen to you rather than you lose your peace of mind over "what should I tell her". Tell her that there are unruly elements that take little children away, if that is the only reason you have. If you do tell her your fears she will also feel that you respect her enuf to treat her as a slightly grown up