Also, I think she needs to address some anger issues before she inadvertantly takes it out on the baby. How can I bring this up to her without getting my head bitten off?
2006-09-06 00:21:24 · 9 answers · asked by Laurie K 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This new mom lives with me, so I have a pretty good idea of what's going on. I'm not implying that she would hurt her child, but yes, her anger issues do concern me. She's not married, but has a boyfriend who is the next worst thing to useless, and some of her anger issues stem from him and his lack of help/care. I've offered as much help as I can (I'm recovering from surgery so can't do alot yet, but I have talked with her several times...still feels like I'm getting nowhere fast.
2006-09-06 23:50:58 · update #1
I would tell her straight up first, then advise her to see a doctor. She may be suffering from post partum depression. Many mothers to get this, some cases are mild, and some are much worse. There have been mothers who have harmed their children because they had this. You should definitely advise her to seek medical help ASAP, so she can get this problem fixed. There are ways to treat it, but she has to see her doctor about it before anything can be done to help her (and, ultimately, her baby)
Good Luck.
2006-09-06 01:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could be a good role model and pay attention to the baby and be sure to acknowledge the dog so it stays safe.
Once she See's you bonding with the baby it may stir up maternal instincts. Maybe she does not even know how to act, no one tells us the details.
YOU LOVE THAT BABY UNTIL SHE GETS IT. Do not confront her or act patronizing she will be defensive. Just do what you think she should be doing and she will observe what she could be doing.
2006-09-06 09:33:09 · answer #2 · answered by sweet pea 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just simply imply to her something like, "you've been spending alot of time with your dog" or "don't you think you have been giving the dog a little too much attention?" or you can bring something up jokingly like "(child's name) is gonna get jealous for the time you've been spending with your dog." Something along these lines. i hope this helps.
2006-09-10 10:27:14 · answer #3 · answered by NIKKI 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be honest with her if she is your friend..She may get really mad at first..but after she has time to think about it..I'm sure she will come around and know she is wrong..But then you never know..some people do not make the best parents ....good luck
2006-09-06 07:26:10 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A new mom has many new worries. Her anger may not be what you think it is. It may be stres. Instead of assuming the worst and reporting her to the authorities, offer to help out and giver her a break. Childbirth isnt an easy task, and caring for someone although you have carried them for 9 months is hard. You seem to do all the wrong things as a new mom. You clip their tiny fingernails too close, like I did and sat and cried for hours, believeing I was some terrible parent. Having a baby in your tummy is one thing, careing for it after its born is quite another.
Unless you are there with her everyday, I dont know how you can assume she spend more time with her dog than her child.The anger issues you mentioned, do you know what is behind them? How do you know she is going to take it out on the baby on inadverdently or not?
A new mother has alot of stress, by you reporting her to the police, DHS, DCYS, DCF, any or all of these people could do more harm than good.
While I will agree that sometime you cant wait for explainations, there are times that you can. If you see signs of abuse on the baby, neglect, carelessness then say something and make it plain. However if you see a stressed out new mother goin in a million directions, maybe you should offer to help instead of judgeing.
I have 4 children, and I know what its like to be a new mom, to be stressed out of sorts and even angry. But at myself and not at my babies.
I know what its like for someone to assume that they know whats going on in my life and make choices they believe is best for my kids without KNOWING what is really going on.
I was a young mother, had a baby that was a month old, and had two other children under the age of 4. My husband was a full time OTR Driver, never spent much time at home, and when he was there he was out with his buddies.
I had the responsibility of everything, the kids, the house, cooking cleaing, bills, everything. I had a truck that had no heat in the winter, no air in the summer, and was constantly breaking down on me. I was paranoid all the time that something would happen to the truck and me and the kids would be stuck somewhere. There was someone just like you who was concerned, but she didnt want to involve herself. Didnt want to know why I was stressed or upset. She just took a few things she had seen, a few things I had said and decided I was a bad mom. She saw that during the summer when it was hot I let the kids play just in their daipers or undies. She heard me say that I felt lke I was going crazy, and that I felt so angry at times I could just pull my hair out by the roots.
So she decided to take maters in her own hands. She called the cops, told them I neglected my kids, didnt clothe them, never mind it was so hot that the kids clothes stuck to them, never mind that I kept them clean, and fed and bathed. She told CPS, that I had admitted that I was losing my mind and that since I felt so angry at times that I could "RIP" my hair out by the roots, she wondered what I would "rip" out of the kids. Since she had only been to my home once, and had talked on the phone to me twice, she assumed she knew my life, my problems my "anger issues that needed to be adressed before I took it out on the kids, and before I eve know what was going on, she had temp custody of my kids and I was agreeing in a court house to take a phsyc test for a judge, who would have a shrink decide if I was a danger to my kids.
After parenting classes and my Phsyc test one month later I got my kids back. You know all that they had on the report was just that I was a stressed out parent with no help or support from family members. There was no evidence of abuse or neglect, and when I had to go back to court, the woman who I thought was my friend, told the judge that she had overreacted and was just trying to do a good deed. Her overreaction was a bunch of lies she had thought was what my kids were going thru, or would go thru. She had to pay a fine and spent some time doing community service because she had lied to the court.
You see everything she thought was going on wasnt.
If you think something is going on with this new mom, make sure you KNOW, before you go calling the cops, or CPS, and accusing her of something. Offer your help, not a smack in the face because she doesnt appear to be handleing things like you think she ought to.
PS... Are you a parent or a grandparent? Do you know that she is neglecting her child in favour of a dog?
How do you know she will take her anger out on her child? Do you know its anger or just stress of parenting and motherhood?
Is it really anger she feels?
2006-09-06 09:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to tell her and not worry about getting your head bitten off. And maybe report her to authorities instead, or in addition.
2006-09-06 07:22:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Is she married/with someone? I would mention it to that person. They are more on the level with her than you are, and they should be the one to talk to her.
You could always kidnap her dog. ;-) Kidding.
2006-09-06 09:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Esma 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just call child welfare and report her. That should get her attention.
2006-09-06 07:27:23 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
if you have to explain it she probably won't understand anyway
2006-09-06 07:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋