I dated my ex 3 years ago and thought I was in love with him. Then I was raped and he couldnt deal with it. I distanced myself from him and cried. i quit my job and didnt tell him right away, and he got mad and broke up with me. He said I needed to get over it. It broke my heart. We went to church togeather. I met my fiancee 2 years ago and I love him with all my heart. My ex just married a girl I was friends with in High School and It is still awkward between us all at church. now that Im getting married my ex's wife wants us to send an invitation to them but I still am hurt by the way he treated me so what do u think. Is it rude to not invite them??
2006-09-06 00:05:38 · 18 answers · asked by Mom to Isobelle 2, & Gavyn 8mths 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I do not believe he has told her the whole situation. But I keep running into her everywhere. the other day I was smelling carpet freshner and she came up behind me asking about the wedding and mentioned an invite.
2006-09-06 01:08:24 · update #1
He was very unsupportive of you at a very difficult time... Sounded as though he tried to make it all about him...
Forget him... And you decide who you are happy inviting... He wasn't there for you at a time you needed him, so move on and ignore him...
2006-09-06 00:10:14 · answer #1 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he treated you so badly, you aren't comfortable around him, and you feel that his wife doesn't know the whole story, then don't invite them. It's your wedding, you shouldn't have to put up with people you don't want there.
If she asks again, which is very rude of her in the first place, tell her you are having a small wedding. It's the cure-all answer for friends not invited, leaves no room for argument.
Or tell her that you and your fiance agreed no exes since he is still friends with some of his (even if he isn't) to save on any potential sticky situations. Like when asked "Are you a friend of the bride or groom" and they answer "we used to date" people may wonder about how final those relationships are. Just tell her you want to avoid the hassle with relatives or something.
You could also talk to her in private at your house or hers, and tell her why you feel uncomfortable around her husband. You don't have to go into all the details if you don't want. What happened to you is your business, you don't have to share with anyone you feel isn't going to be supportative and kind. Just say that you feel the relationship ended badly, and you feel awkward or disturbed in his company. If she's a true friend, then she will understand and stop pressing you for both the invitation and other time spent together. If she doesn't understand, then she's not much of a friend and you should just get on with your life without her. There are more important things in a good friendship than a wedding invite.
2006-09-06 10:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First ask yourself if you would invite your high school friend if she was single or married to someone you didn't know. If you wouldn't, don't invite her now. If you would, then ask yourself if you and your ex will be able to remain civil for the duration of the wedding and reception. If it is probable (not simply possible), invite them. If you decide you can't invite them, send a polite note thanking them for their interest in attending, but informing them that you can't extend an invitation for personal reasons.
You and your ex both made mistakes--you weren't completely truthful with him and he couldn't support you. Since relations are still awkward, you both have issues to resolve. If you are going to continue living in the same area and attending the same church, you need to let go of the past. Your wedding celebration might help you do that.
2006-09-08 04:35:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hah, no, don't invite them. Tell the new wife how he treated you after the traumatic experience....Who cares if he gets mad? And as for the church thing...go to a different church or just ignore them when you are there.
Don't invite anyone that you wouldn't enjoy having there, sharing your day with you. People shouldn't get mad or hurt over not being invited. Its your day...and your decision. They need to realize that its not about them..its about you and what you want on your day.
2006-09-06 09:18:02 · answer #4 · answered by sour_apple 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
does the ex wife know what happened between you two? if so then she is being a bit inconsiderate. I would explain to her that you are still uncomfortable with the situation of what happened with your ex and being your wedding day you don't want anything to remind you of past hurts. As a women she should understand this. I do not think it is rude, and I also think your husband would not wnat your ex there.
2006-09-06 07:45:29 · answer #5 · answered by having_a_blonde_day_lol 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, she is being rude since she should not assume that she will be invited to the wedding. Second this is your special day and you should not invite anyone that you do not feel comfortable around. So don't feel bad and don't send them any invitation.
2006-09-06 23:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by marij 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is time to move on from the past. I know you are still grieving and healing from the pain of rape and him treating you wrongly. I think you still have the right to feel hurt.
However, it is in the past and can't hurt you any more.
I think it will be a pleasant thing to invite them.
However, you are not entitled and it isn't rude not to. You have a right to say who is at your wedding and who isn't. If you decide to, remember this is your special day and realization of what he gave up. Whether they come or not, the matter is you shouldn't worry about it.
If you decide to decline, you don't have to give details. You can be open and honest to say that you are not ready for that yet and hope to understand. If she asked what makes you uncomfortable, you can say that a negative thing happened in the past and you are still in the process of allowing yourself to move past it.
I think she wants to be a part of your life and I think allowing them to come can help you accept it was the past and you have moved on with your life in a positive way. Even if he treated you wrongly, hopefully he is a changed person.
I can't give you a yes or not. You need to weigh it and discuss it with those close to you. Go with your heart.
2006-09-06 16:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all what kind of person is she to ask or hint about an invite? That is in bad taste. You do not have to invite anyone you are not comfortable with. You shouldn't. This is going to be a stress full but joyful day for you. You don't need to add to that stress. If these people aren't really friends of yours then don't invite. I had family that caused tension and anxiety so i did not invite them to mine. Its your day you are not obligated to invite anyone.
2006-09-06 08:53:13 · answer #8 · answered by hebe935 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not invite them to your wedding - move on completely, find a new church, end all contact. Leave the past where it should be - in the past.
2006-09-06 10:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your wedding and its rude of anyone to invite themselves. I would simply not respond to her. I have to say, if it were me, I'd tell her to go ask her husband why they aren't invited.
I see no reason to invite this awful man to celebrate the first day of the rest of your life. He still owes you an apology for being so selfish and immature.
2006-09-06 08:25:11 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to invite them.
How does she even know about your wedding plans if you are not that close to her?
If she directly asks you about it, say "It's so kind of you to be interested, but really it's just going to be a small wedding." You are allowed to say this even if it's going to be a big wedding. It's just polite "code" that indicates that you're not putting her onthe guest list.
2006-09-06 22:34:17 · answer #11 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋