iam a 28yr old women married for 5yrs now.i had a friend(male) while in college 6yrs back.v had a romantic relationship.v knew v will not marry each other,yet continued the relationship for 2yrs.then due different paths in life v seperated,but he was avery close friend of mine.then after my marriage i told my husband abt this guy.but dint tell abt my romactic relationship but told he was more than a friend and less than love.my friend used to send greeting card on my bday every year without fail.i used to do the same but v dint have anyother contact.no phone calls or mails.my husband knew abt this. now after so 6yrs i met him online once.he is married with a daughter now.i was so happy to meet him.now i secretly mail him,my husband kows that i met him once online but nothing else.but mine is pure friendship now towards him.but i suspect it more than that for him.now i want to chat with him everyday,mail him secretly,am i unfaithful to my husband???pls suggest what sud i do now!!!!
2006-09-05 21:14:02 · 37 answers · asked by nair 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
It really is simple; you should really put the barriers up with this guy and leave him alone.
You ARE being unfaithful in the respect that you are being so secretive about it. Why are you not telling your husband about it? Why do you want to maintain contact with this guy? What do you want out of it?
All this subterfuge really isn't healthy. The only outcome should you carry on down the line at the moment is heartbreak for you, for him and your respective families.
I don't want to be harsh; but you need to grow up and move on and away from this guy.
2006-09-05 21:15:55 · answer #1 · answered by Felidae 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have a few tests that I could suggest. 1. If you are hiding it, then you are being unfaithful- It's different when you have just not mentioned it. 2. If you would not like it done to you, then you need to stop right now- It will work out for everyone's good in the end (unless you are considering leaving your husband). 3. If you want to chat with him everyday, chances are, you want a bit more than just friendship.
You alone know all the facts. Think about it and do what feels right- It may hurt but It'd only be for a while. Hope you sort this out soon.
2006-09-06 00:54:44 · answer #2 · answered by Necker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like you miss this guy and there is a possibility that you want something more.
so.... if you are happy with your married life, love your husband and family, don't get in contact him anymore... not by phone, post/letters or e-mail. otherwise, letters, phones or emails will lead to meeting and those meeting might lead to something else. And besides, if your husband finds out... you will have trust issues which might lead to....however you handle it.
now if you are not happy with your married life and you feel strongly for the guy then it would be better to talk it over with you husband first, be honest with him. at least you have not done anything yet at this stage. he cannot accused you of doing something bad or being unfaithful.
if i'm in your shoes, this is what i'll do.
2006-09-05 23:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being honest with yourself about what you want. It seems to me that in your heart you haven't ended the relationship.
The situation you are in is very dangerous to both your own relationship and your ex's. It's a slippery slope and if you are not really clear in yourself, telling your husband will stir up a big mess because he will instincitvely feel it. You will be looking for him to trust you. Can you trust yourself? It doesn't sound as if you can trust your ex and even if he is a nice guy he too could be dealing with mixed feelings.
Nearly everyone here is warning you. I suspect you know the answer already or you wouldn't have asked. Be strong about what you know.
2006-09-05 21:38:27 · answer #4 · answered by jon2901 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are unfaithful. You say you are now only friends with him, but you are desperate for contact with him, that tells me you are heading towards meeting up again and doing the deed all over again. If you husband finds out, he will be outraged that this has been going on for a very long time. Think how you would feel if it were you.
2006-09-09 20:58:43 · answer #5 · answered by Princess415 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are being unfaithful to your husband...not only have you lied to him but you are continuing on a path to destruction. You need to just focus on your relationship with your husband...even if you pursued something with this "friend" you would not only ruin your marriage but his and there is no reason for that. It's just wrong.
2006-09-05 22:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfaithful is a bit harsh, secretive yes. From what I read I think you need to be clear with both yourself, and those involved (your husband and this other guy), both what your intentions are and what your priorities are. Communicate yourself clearly with both to eleviate any suspicions or insecurities your husband may be feeling and to ensure you do not set up this other guy.
Tread carefully, if those involved do not clearly understand, you could potentially stand to do damage both you your relationship, and your friends.
2006-09-05 21:35:52 · answer #7 · answered by tysonian22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is yours. Decision is yours. Having affairs with ur friend is not a crime. The society may say it as a crime. But not the law!
Just maintain a healthy friendship with him through email, phone or mail. If interested meet once in a month. Nothing highly wrong in that. Bcoz love is not a thing to come and leave often, If u love a person, whatever happens to u and to him, u will love him entire life. Even God says, LOVE EVERYONE. There is no sin in having 2 lovers. Your hubby and ur friend.. 2 lovers. Enjoy your life!
2006-09-05 21:24:08 · answer #8 · answered by VIDYANAND A S 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
have you actually seen him since? seen a photo? it may just be an infatuation or something more? you ll have 2 figure that one out yourself!
but it does seem like the secrets is adding more passion and making your relationship (friends or otherwise) alot more exciting... just out of curiosity, do you feel the spark in your relationship with your husband has gone?
i think u seriously need 2 rethink ur marriage and your friendships!!!
x
2006-09-05 21:33:05 · answer #9 · answered by pop 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are being unfaithful to your husband in your mind. And you are treading on dangerous ground. What you should do now is to completely stop the emails and concentrate on making your marriage work and be attentive to your husband. You are lucky that he seems to be the kind of man who is not jealous and not putting limits on your activities. But if I were you, I would not put this to the test.
2006-09-05 21:19:01 · answer #10 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋