children at weddings??

Question

When we get married next year our limit on the number of guests for the day 'do' is 100 people, the first people we took off our long list were all children apart from very close family. Do you think people are going to fall out with us over this? and what is the best way to word it on the invites?

I forgot to say all children are welcome to the night do, i enjoy seeing kids dancing at partys.
The children that are invited are younger brothers and sisters.

Answer 1

First of all congratulations!
I got married inJuly & had the very same problem, we only invited the close family children in the day (including our little boy!)
I actually told people rather than put it on the invites, and I have to say most people were pleased. they had a chance to have a day out, relax & enjoy themsleves without looking after kids or worrying they would cry at the wrong time etc.
I think it is very common these days & I people will totally understand
Have a great day & happy planning!!

Answer 2

You should take ALL children off the list. It would be rude to only invite some children. You don't word it on the invites at all. The invitations should be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith on the outside envelope and John and Jane on the inside envelope if you're on a first name basis with the couple, otherwise the inside envelope should say Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Also don't leave a blank line and a spot to list the number of people attending. Have a line with an M at the beginning and below that
________accepts __________regrets.

There are very good reasons for not inviting children and the perfect example of this was in Dear Abby last week:

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional disc jockey with more than 30 years' experience. I am on radio, and also entertain at weddings and private parties on weekends. Over the years, I have been amazed at the number of parents who take small children to wedding receptions and then proceed to turn the toddlers loose while they kick back and enjoy themselves.
Last weekend, such parental lack of supervision, combined with adult stupidity, had disastrous consequences.

I had just played the "first dance" songs and was playing a song for the bride, who wanted to have a special dance with her grandfather. About midway through the song, a woman came running to my table saying, "There's something wrong with the air! My throat is burning!" I looked up and the bride was holding her hand to her throat, gesturing at me to stop the music. About that time, about half the crowd started running for the door and out into the parking lot.

A minute or two later, one of the staff informed me that someone had let loose pepper spray into the hall. They threw open the doors and windows and, after 15 or 20 minutes, things began to return to normal.

It turned out that someone had left a keychain with a small canister of pepper spray sitting on a table. A child about 4 years old, who was running loose through the hall, picked up the keychain, saw the shiny container with a button on the top -- and pushed it. Talk about a great party stopper. Most of the guests who left the room never returned -- and all because someone left his or her kid unsupervised, running amok, and because an adult with cranial-rectal syndrome left a container with a toxic chemical on a table where a child could pick it up

Please, parents. If you must bring a child to a reception, make sure that child is properly supervised. Otherwise, get a baby sitter and leave the child at home. -- "THE VELVET VOICE" IN HILLIARD, OHIO

DEAR VELVET VOICE: I hear you loud and clear. Now if the guilty parties will pay attention and not tune you out, perhaps fewer adult festivities will be ruined.

Answer 3

We did the same at our wedding - incidentally 9 years ago today! We just made it very clear on the invite who was being invited, if you don't name the children on there, people will know it doesn't extend to include them.

I think it's more common to not have children at a wedding, than it is to have them there these days, so I'm sure you'll find that people are largely quite understanding. We also put the word out that due to restrictions on numbers, we could only have immediate family's children there, and then let the jungle drums do the rest!

I seem to recall that we had someone who took exception to it and who wanted to bring their tribe of 4 kids - my dad tactfully explained that if we invited the children of everybody, then the numbers would go from 98 to 142, and that we obviously couldn't invite some and not others! If anyone does get upset, try telling them that you are restricted by the capacity of the venue and it's not that you don't want them there.

I've heard that it's becoming 'trendy' to throw a seperate party for the kids prior to the event, if you are not planning on having them at the wedding. Stuff that. It's your wedding day, not a mass jelly and ice cream party. At the end of the day, you have there who you want - and shouldn't feel pressurised or guilty for leaving anyone - adult or child - out of it.

Have a fabulous time planning your big day!

Answer 4

I have a way to have your cake and eat it too.

Rent another place nearby where they could drop their kids, hire a couple of people to watch over the kids. After the ceremony, the parents can go pick them up and everyone is happy

If this is not possible, then...
I think you should simply ban all kids, and state adults only on your card. Allowing some would cause understandable anger among people who were not allowed to bring their kids.

If no kids are allowed, and people fall out with you on this, then may be they aren't that good friends of yours; it's your day, if they want to share it with you, then they can come; if they prefer to spend time with their kids, then that's their choice.

There's no need to break a friendship over such a trivial matter.

I had to behave at my brother's wedding, and I did. I didn't even tell his wife or her family that I thought they were selfish and quite possibly liars too. I still haven't. But it's because I value the relationship I have with my brother more than the satisfaction of telling these people exactly how I feel about them.

Answer 5

It's your day and up to you what you do, but some people may resent you for this, although we plan to have all the kiddies at our wedding I was reading about it in a book and it suggested that you throw a separate children's party at a later stage for the children- sounds like an unecessary expense to me! Or that you give parents a 'party bag' type thing to take home for the children. Ensure that if you do this it is a blanket ruling that all children under the age of... 16/ 18 whatever aren't coming otherwise you will really get some people's backs up, and just try and be tactful explain that the venue can't cater for them in terms of size if that';s the case, don't also forget that it may mean some people not coming if they cannot get babysitters or disagree with your decision. But it is your day and I hope it's a fabulous one for you!!

Answer 6

It's your wedding. If people can't accept that you don't want little kids making lots of noise, to bad. Most parents would enjoy a break from the kids anyways.

You would never send an invitation telling which people are NOT invited; that wouldn't be polite. You will send invitations to those invited, printing the names of each person invited on the inner envelope. The recipient should know that only the names of those printed on the inner envelope are invited. If the childrens' names are omitted then they are clearly not invited.

Or quite simply "sorry, no children please".

Answer 7

We had a similar problem at our wedding 2 yrs ago. We got married in the registrary office which wasn't very big, it held about 25 - 30 people so with that I couldn't invite any nephews & nieces who were adults and had families of their own.
I spoke to all of the family about this and everyone understood, there was no problem at all.
Don't forget that everyone gets invited for the evening time and thats when the children enjoy themselves the best, as they steal the show with their antics on the dancefloor!
Just speak to the family and I'm sure it will all work out for the best. Don't forget that no one wants to ruin your big day.
Good luck and best wishes for the wedding day!

Answer 8

We had the same problem at our wedding. We said no to all children cos there were 60 of them! If we thought people were going to be offended, we put a little personal note in with the invites explaining that we would love to have everyone there but we were limited on numbers. It also gives the parents chance to party without their kids! My cousins aged 7, 9 & 11 were only there as they were part of actual wedding party. Most people were fine about it - the only ones who weren't was my other cousin who I rarely see and my Nan, who can be a grumpy moo at the best of times. You choose your friends but family can be a pain in the proverbial. I've now got 3 kids myself, and I wouldn't be offended. Its your wedding - don't let 'em get to you!

Answer 9

there is no right or wrong way to do this. Are you having an evening do. if so let the kids come to that, then its up to their parents to take them home at a reasonable time. word the invitations that due to space restrictions at the day venue you are unable to have all the children you would like to have, then only invite those from REALLY REALLY close family, the others will understand.

Answer 10

It's my feeling that if you are going to eliminate children from the wedding, that means ALL children, except if you or your fiance have younger brothers and sisters. Anyone else should be told in the invitation or word of mouth, that it's an adult only wedding and reception. Some people won't like it but it's your wedding after all.