Looking forward to being a single mum?

Question

This is odd my boyfriend left just before our wedding and Im pregnant. The odd thing is I feel relieved I can concentrate on being a parent, can look awful round the house and miss shaving my legs in the winter. Now I just feel so lucky and now I don't have to date men who falsely promise commitment and never deliver, I feel free and I will have my family and money and for sure don't need a man, only thing is I feel guilty feeling like this even though he jilted me (and of course a child needs a dad). I am the only women who after having children would not dream of marriage or commitment?

Answer 1

I was a single mum for 7 years, after my husband left me, leaving a toddler and a 4 month old baby. Single parenting is hard, very hard. You're at 24 hours a day with no respite and no support. You're lucky if you have family behind you and I hope it works out well. I've never regretted my children and they were worth any suffering.
The problem comes when you decide that children don't fulfil your emotional needs and you need someone to help you, love you, support you. And your children have to take a back seat. It's not fair on them. And this is the time when you have to use every bit of wisdom you were born with.
However, reading from your question, you're together. Good luck!

Answer 2

Your terrible experience has clearly and understandably tainted all men in your eyes. However, not all men are like that. There are good blokes out there. You know what, you'll regret being a single parent when your baby's born. In an ideal a baby would have both parents together so they can learn from a woman and a man, and have a far more balanced view of the world. OK, so you feel free now, but when you're the one getting up to feed your baby at all hours of the night and being the one who is also caring for your baby during the day it'll take its toll on you and pretty soon you'll end up resenting the baby as well as his or her father. Your family may be there for you, but they won't be there every waking hour to help you. You'll be on your own when you're tired and nothing you do helps to settle your baby. It's going to be very hard. Try not to condemn all men and don't completely close yourself off to the possibility of another relationship in the future

Answer 3

Congratulations, and good for you for feeling confidant enough to tackle parenthood alone. It's always better for a child to have happy parents and if this is what it takes for both to be happy then you shouldn't feel pressured to do things in any other way.

As for feeling guilty, hmm welcome to the mother club. This is just part of becoming a parent in some ways. Whatever you do you are making a choice for somebody else other than you 99% of the time. The best thing that you can do is to resign yourself to the fact that nobody is a perfect parent- we all just do the best we can.

I'm not sure if you should believe that a baby will rid you of the curse of dating useless men however. You may very well be happy with this circumstance at the moment but your mind will probably change. What you should always remember of you are with anyone is this- you are a package, and somebody who loves you will put your child first as much as you do yourself. Never compromise your child and give your attention to a man who does not deserve it.

Also being a single parent sure does have some benefits as you see them now but I am telling you now quite honestly, it's very very hard work. I had two kids alone and worked too and it is all consuming. If you do not have a partner have your family and friends at hand because you will need them. I was unfortunate enough to be doing it completely on my own with no other choice and I wouldn't reccommend that to anybody who values their sanity. It is not by any means easy.

good luck and take care

S
x

Answer 4

I am not sure if this is the answer to your question, but many children grow up perfectly fine without a father (or mother for that matter) I think it is perfectly respectible that you feel free to be a single mom. The worst thing you can do is bring a lot of men around your child and confuse them about how to have a relationship. If you do begin dating someone, don't introduce them to your child for at least a few months. They need to understand that you have a child and that you aren't going to be at their beckoned call.
Don't feel guilty, girl! If your child's father does not want to be involved, don't force it unless you NEED child support. If you do eventually find the right person for you and your child, it will be better if your child's birth certificate does not contain a father's name. It will be so much easier for that person to adopt your child. I am struggling with this now, so don't push the issue!

Answer 5

Well, It probably seems better compared to being with someone who would leave you standing at the altar. When you're waking up at night to change diapers and feed the little bundle of joy, you may think differently. But I'm not a father, so what do I know.

I was raised by a single mother and I resent it to this day. The circumstances were different: she left him, so your experience may be different.

I think Chris Rock summed it up best. "And a bunch of girls are like: ''You don't need no man to help you raise no child.'' Shut the f*ck up with the bullsh*t. Yeah, you can do it without a man but that don't mean it's to be done. Sh*t, you could drive a car with your feet if you want to. That don't make it a good f*cking idea."

Answer 6

In reply to your previos question:

I think it's great your having a baby*:)
Just sounded like the money battle with it's father was more important than the childs welfare and development of life.
You accused me of not taking responsibility, i havent got any kids but if i did i would relish the resposibility. And i would do it with the knowlaege that money is no where near as important as the childs life, and a parents involvment in it's life and seeing that kid has a good unbringing to end up making there own way in life.
Good luck with everything, that guy needs a good shaking.

Answer 7

Been there, done that! And I was relieved too, the guy turned out to be a complete scroat! And then I found my current husband, had 2 more kids and I have never looked back.
Joke is, I never planned on kids at all, but due to my eldest being born, I found my soulmate, my hubby (ok everyone, stop being sick now!)
Go on girl! You have nothing to be scared of and everything to look forward to, I never knew my dad but I felt better that the guy who brought me up as his daughter chose me, I wasn't a mistake for him!

Answer 8

no u re not the only one. when i got divorsed i had 3 children i was trully trully happy and thopught i would never ever get married. now i got married accidentially and he is a very very good man. but i wasn't dreaming of it and tell u what - if i were rich by my own (not with the help of my new husband) i wouldnt want to marry again. single life is wonderful. and children can see their father on weekends, he doesn't need to live with u all the time. so enjoy your single life if u have no money problem. good luck

Answer 9

I wouldn't say you are the only women, my mom got divorced when my brother and I were really little. And she loved it, she couldn't be happier with not having a man around. She was able to devote more time to my brother and I and then when we got older, she got out of the 'funk' where she didn't want a man around. She got the best of both worlds, was able to spend time, alone and single with my brother, and then have someone to spoil her when we were out of the house. Good luck with the baby and do what ever makes you happy.

Answer 10

Good for you, each to their own and don't worry about the unkind remarks. To be happy in your life is a wonderful and rare thing, and they're probably just jealous. You're child will benefit from having a mother who truly cares and gives them time. Try and ensure that the child's relationship with his/ her dad is a continued and positive one- of course, this isn't just down to you, and please don't badmouth his/ her father to him whatever happens, it will only cause the child to resent you. Best of luck to you, and I hope that you will always be happy with your family.