I'm an athiest - my family is religious - how do I tell them?

Question

I've been an atheist for about five years. My parents go to church every Sunday and bring me with them. They are not strict about religion but they do believe loving God is important. My mother especially thinks having at least some kind of belief in God is important.

I feel ashamed going to church because it makes me a liar and I'm not being true to what I believe. If I tell my mother though she will believe I am going to hell. How can I break it to her?

**Edit: I would like to make it very clear that I AM an atheist, meaning, I believe that there is not god, goddess, or other higher power. This is something I have thought about for a long time and - having been raised religious - was not an easy decision to come to. I don't intend this to lead to a religious debate/argument because trust me I have heard it all and I don't think I'll be changeing my beliefs any more than I'll be changing yours.

Answer 1

Sit her down and be honest with her. I don't know how old you are but if you are young then you may change your mind. I didn't though. I don't believe in God but I do believe in a higher power. Some one out there has to pull the strings of life.

Answer 2

You don't say how old you are. Do your parents force you to go to church? I didn't/don't like to go to church either and my parents forced me to go with them. Even though I believe in God. You have a right to your own beliefs. So be an atheist if you want but, to say there is no goodness is totally wrong. All the people that wish you well, me for one, well that's goodness. In the end it's what you believe or not. Not what anyone else believes. You don't have to break it to your mother. Why should you? Just don't go to church if you don't want to.

Answer 3

If you feel as strongly about atheism as I do, then it probably hurts you to see people believe in God, just like it will hurt her that you don't. You have to rely on the dynamic that the two of you have that goes even deeper than the need for faith.

Their flexible dogma can make it easier to explain. I told my Mother that I believed a merciful God would be wise enough to love me for totally appreciating being alive. Relating some wonderment at the universe helped ease the idea down, too. In example, I think that proliferation is cause enough to celebrate, and I'm amazed that I was fortunate enough to live and be conscious. That seemed to really console her. It helped her see that I didn't lack love because I lacked faith in a God.

Good luck. If it makes you feel this bad to pretend, you know you only have one chance. Why waste so much of it feeling this way?

Answer 4

Hello, I really cannot believe that you are an atheist after having a Christian upbringing, I have 3 children who all were rared to be Christians as well, their Mother and I attend Church each and every Sunday, since they turned 16 we gave them the chance to make their own decisions on attending church or not the 3 of them chose not attend, because you do not attend church does not make you an atheist, If anything bad happened to you i can guarantee you would pray to God for help and guidance, maybe you think not just at this moment but I promise you would, Be truthful with your parents they shall be disappointed I have been their and done that, BUT you have your own life to live they have done their job to bring you up in the faith, if you are over the age of 16 make your own decision BUT and i repeat BUT if you are not then you owe it to your parents to attend church with them each week, Good luck and God bless you, I pray that you will be honest with your Mother and Father.

Answer 5

How old are you? Almost everyone thinks about being atheist at some point. So your parents might not take you very seriously. You could break it them more gently by saying you are not sure what you believe (unless you are 100% sure, but who is?)

I would focus more of telling your parents that you are not comfortable with their church and you do not want to attend. Quite honestly, they might make you go anyway. I think church is a good place to daydream, so you could try to make the most of it.

A friend of mine didn't want to go to church anymore, but her parents did not want her just sleeping in or whatever so she had to spend an hour every Sunday reading and learning about another religion or way of thinking and then they talked about she learned at lunch. You could suggest this as a compromise.

Answer 6

An athiest is someone who believes there is no God. How do you know that for sure? That makes you incredibly smart to know that there is absolutely no doubt and no possibility that there is no God!

Next, are you sure you are not just arguing about what some people are saying God is all about? Maybe you have a better idea of what God is about and you might actually be right. For example, some churches really care about how their members dress. I would seriously doubt that God cares. I'd feel very uncomfortable in that church.

So maybe you're just struggling to get a better picture of God, a more mature picture.

Anyway, if you're not 100% sure there is NO God, then you are an agnostic- that's someone who doesn't necessarily know if there's a god or not, and who thinks it's probably impossible to know for sure.

Finally, you should not go to any specific church because your parents do. You have to decide what to believe on your own.

Answer 7

a gradual approach may be best. and you might want to consider the value of the social rituals of family time together spent around church/holidays etc. you don't have to believe in god to appreciate some of the value of these rituals. especially if your family doesn't have other ones. but we athiests should not be ashamed of our lack of superstition, and being silent is one way of allowing the prejudice against athiesm to go unchallenged. i don't believe that sitting in the church while they babble about superstitions makes you a liar. at some point however, it becomes unethical to attend if the chuch expects that the members are believers. our family wasn't very religious, but we went to temple every week. i decided i didn't believe in god around age 10 (i'm 47 now) and told my parents. i think this disappointed my mom a little. but i've never regretted it. i've regretted times in life i've been dishonest. i've never had a regret about being honest.

Answer 8

Maybe it's best not to tell her. You didn't say how old you are but I'm guessing you are a minor. Maybe you can tell her you need a break from church. That you have a lot of things going on in your head and you want to take a break. Then when you are older and she is maybe more accepting of your individuality, it will be easier to tell her. In any case, follow your own heart. You must be true to your own beliefs.

Answer 9

It depends on your age really. If you are still a teenager, then just attend church with your parents. By being an atheist does not mean that you have to go against your parents while you are legally under their care.
When you reach legally independent age, then you are free to let your parents know about your beliefs. They have to accept you as you are and impose their will on you, as you are already of legal age. It would be better if you are financially independent.
When you let them know the truth, you also need to tell them that your different beliefs should not be a fault of theirs and that your love for them as parents still remain as strong as ever. In fact, you value them more than "God"

Answer 10

Dear fren..

Be honest, always be honest, no matter how it turns so badly, as u're have faith in no god, goddes or something like that. Cos if u've been honest to urself, u can be honest to sorround u. Trust, even they have go to church every week, if they haven't been honest to their self, it was a liar like u told, right..
one most important thing, ur parent is Christian, and christianity isn't religion, is about faith..believe me..Thanks.. God bless