If you're not going to be serious, please do not answer this. I will delete your answer if you're rude. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years now. We've had our normal problems and worked through them. He's cheated on me a few times (once physically and a few times online) and after a brief breakup we worked it out. At least I though we did. We have a long distance relationship at the moment and I found out he's been using an online dating site to talk with people. I consider this cheating, especially since he lied to me about it and on the site which was recently updated, it says single and looking for a good time. When I confronted him the first time I showed hime the website and he claimed that he just talks to people and that it's not about sex. All of his friends have moved away or have full time jobs but that gives him no right to use a dating site right? I know I need to leave him, but how do I do it kindly? I still love him. Help me please.
2006-09-05 18:14:39 · 12 answers · asked by stormymidori 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We lived together forbasically three years and I've recently moved to NYC and he's supposed to be coming down in December/January for school. We're both 22 by the way, so we're still young. I do love him and I don't want to leave him, but how do I know he'll stop? How do I know that when he comes down here, it's for real? That's why I think I need to leave him. With this move I'm really trying to start my life, to make my new apartment my home, because I plan on being here awhile. It's not that I'm looking for marriage from him, but after 4 years, I'm looking for some form of commitment from him even if it's just being with me and me alone. Am I being ridiculous to want that from him? Or am I correct in thinking that breaking up is the only way to knock some sense into him?
2006-09-05 18:28:06 · update #1
in my opinion, i believe that if he has broken your trust on more than one occassion, it will most likely always happen, so you need to focus on that to make it easier for you to be motivated enough to go through with this break up. it is never easy honey. it is extremely rare to feel mutual in this decision- someone always gets hurt. so it will be hard on both of you. your right, you are too young to have any long term relationships. you should be experiencing life and focusing on school or career. there is always plenty of time for serious relationships later. if it were me, i would probably explain to him that being together is a constant reminder of the hurt he has caused you. and it is tiring to keep worrying if and when it will happen again.he needs to understand what he did hurt you deeply. you can't just let it go so easily.tell him to allow you the space to understand why you would allow someone that you love to keep hurting you. this is not a healthy relationship right now. maybe later when all issues have been resolved, maybe then we could discuss the future. thats what i woud say. sirry its long, but a sentence or two would never be enough for a serious issue like this. godspeed sweetie.
2006-09-05 19:11:21 · answer #1 · answered by mercedes1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you honestly think it's grounds for leaving him if you still love him? This is long distance,but you meet up right? It's not strictly online/phone/letters stuff. If you've never met,there's so much you may not know about him,so there may be much more to the picture that you're not seeing. If you do see him often enough, then I would recommend expressing your concern and doubt. Maybe you could work thru it. Personally,long distance relationships can work if both are willing to put 110% into it,since it takes more emotionally to get thru it. If he's making an effort to keep you happy and you love him,work it out,or attempt to. Well good luck,hope this helps :)
2006-09-06 01:19:58 · answer #2 · answered by *Juicy Princess* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When someone is in a commited relationship, they never have the right to cheat on people (including using a dating service to talk to people. if he wanted to talk with someone, he could've called you!). I don't think you can leave him without hurting his feelings. I mean, seriously, four years with someone... that leaves a mark on your life. For instance, even though you are the one planning on leaving him, I'll bet that it still hurts you. I doubt you want to salvage the relationship at this point (because of the repeat occurrence of cheating), so just tell him you're tired of the lies and cheating. Or if you want to lie, say that you cannot handle the long distance thing. Good luck.
2006-09-06 01:19:11 · answer #3 · answered by bunny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to minimise the pain, make the break-up quick, but do it in person. Don't hang around afterwards, don't agree to see him, don't have any contact at all.
There's no really *kind* way to break up. But the best way is the clean break. Anything else just prolongs the agony and creates an unfair sense that there might be some hope of a reconciliation.
2006-09-06 01:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by Chasiufan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1) You can't break up with someone of 4 years without hurting them too badly. But you can break up sooner instead of later so it doesn't hurt more then.
2) You shouldn't worry so much about his feelings if he doesn't care so much about yours.
3) Why is he cheating by dating online? Usually people in long-distance relationships cheat with people in person, simply because that essential part of the relationship --BEING together-- isn't fulfilled.
2006-09-06 01:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by A Box of Signs 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are wasting your time on a dirtball who does not love you. If he loved you he would have proposed ages ago. Go to church, get saved, and find a Christian man who will marry you and stick with you. Do you have to find him in bed with someone else to get the message? For millenia now the best test of love is the ring on the finger. If you want to break it to him kindly, just say you are not getting any younger and simply can not wait any longer for his decision.
2006-09-06 01:22:16 · answer #6 · answered by ebemdpa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you still love him do you think brecking up would be the right thing to do in this point.. And in an break up is going to hurt so i would be honest with him and just tell him how you feel..
2006-09-06 01:20:10 · answer #7 · answered by Martina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him, "we need to talk"
and if talking doesn't solve it, you have to say "ok that's it... i had enough"
there is no way a breakup wont have an impact on a person unless he/she doesn't love the other. u can say it in the nicest way but he would still be hurt.
the best is just say "let's stop seeing each other. i'm sorry, goodbye" and walk away
2006-09-06 01:18:43 · answer #8 · answered by mbd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't worry so much about being kind after he was so "not kind" to you. Break it off cleanly , accept no phone calls or email from him. He's a serial cheater.
2006-09-06 01:19:53 · answer #9 · answered by winkcat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him it's obvious that he isn't going to change and you don't want to live with this crap he does for the rest of your life.
2006-09-06 01:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by Carrie! 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋