Sister-in-law disrespects every rule we set in our home. Is it too harsh to turn her away?

Question

Everytime my husband and me set a rule for our home, his sister seems to enjoy breaking the rules and having some lame excuse for not abiding by them when she visits. For instance, she'll be out in the snow smoking a cigarette and then trample all over the carpet in her snowy shoes, and excuses the mess by saying "I had to go to the bathroom really badly." and follows up with "it's just a little snow, water won't hurt the carpet" even though that's besides the point, point is I don't like stepping on wet carpet. Recently she feels it nessasary to bring her dog with her everytime his parents come to watch our sons. My husband loaths dogs and even has a sensitivity to the hair. She says "But this is my baby, I accept your kids, my Peanut is part of the family" How would you deal with this, when she has clearly been told the rules and blaintenly disregards them?

Answer 1

Set a "no second chances" rule, and damned what she thinks. It's apparent she finds this to be some kind of fun little game, to see how far she can bend a rationalization at your inconvenience. It's your house, your rules, and if she can't abide by that, then she needs to grow up!

Answer 2

She clearly has issues and is disrespecting both of u by not abiding by ur rules. She is probably angry about something and feels the only way she can get back at the two of u is by disobeying any rules u set. I don't know how ur relationship is but I would try in casual conversation, asking her in a joking way why she always goes against any rules that u set. Say that it is almost as though she does it on purpose to upset u. Then if she says that's not true then tell her that is the feeling u get since she always ignores ur rules. I would just keep the conversation light and don't be angry or rude with her. Try to get the real issue out of her and perhaps that will solve ur problem.
good luck!

Answer 3

If you state the fact as fact, then yes, there may be a problem.... but many a times, if you don't like some one, you start imagining problems...
maybe your sister-in-law has asked another question in this forum and she might be referring that when she goes to your house, you act like a bi(t)ch....
just to broaden your view that how different point of view can make same situation look different to different people..... so keep an open mind, look at the situation rationally..... why would your husband's daughter do this, i.e. she must have grown up together with your husband as a kid and she would know if her brother has a sensitivity to the hair.... no sister would do harm intentionally to her brother by bringing the dog ..... so this situation does not seem ALL real... maybe part of it is your imagination, especially if you don't go along well with your sis-in-law....
just keep an open mind and try to think maturely..... and then, if you still think that she's being disrespectful, then TALK....

Answer 4

It's your house enforce your rules. What are you and your husband afaid of?
Let her know that you can't control what she does in other ppl's houses but you can sure control what she does in yours. Unless she is paying the mortgage, the cleaning bill for your carper and the cost of allergy meds then she needs to abide by your house rules and if she can't do that then she needs to keep her *** at home. Be straight and to the point. Make sure when you and your husband say this to her that your mother and father-in-law are there so that she can't turn your words around.
When she goes out to smoke in the snow lock her *** out and tell her she can't come in until the shoes are off. If she gives you that lame *** excuse about having to pee then you tell her you have a choice; either take off the shoes so you can come in and pee or keep the shoes on and piss on yourself right there. the choice is yours.
Whether you like it or not, she is going to continue to disrespect the two of you until you REALLY PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. She may get pissed but she will get over it. Good luck.

Answer 5

im sorry to say but its your husbands place to say somthing becouse its his sister also you do seem to be a little uptight when famly comes to visit you should be a good host and bend the rules after all if you are being ridged about everything you are making everyone uncomfurtable and that will put a stain on your relashonship whith everbody and about the dog thing i have no children and i think of my pets as my babys too and you whould understand that if you didnt or couldent have children as i cant but that dont stop the feelings some of us still have to nurture you should be more understanding after all could you go away and leave your baby at home alone. look how lucky you are you have a son all she has is a dog try not to see threw each auther but to see each auther threw p.s.sorry for the spelling

Answer 6

What do u mean is it too harsh to tUrn her away? "HELL NO" if she can't respect ur rules then why do u find it hard to tell her so.

Like a child she will go as far as u allow her, and the fact that and Ur hubby have not put Ur foot down makes it easy for her, because she knows Ur not gonna say anything to her,

So u have to treat her like a child and tell her that if she can't respect the rules in Ur home when she comes over, then she is not to come over again and if she gets mad( who cares let her) u held it in long enough.

That is ur home and anyone who comes into it have to show respect , also if she messes up ur carpet send her the cleaning bill, tell her she is NOT to smoke inside or outside of ur house.

Remeber if she gets mad( let het) if she's any kind of fair person she'll say she's sorry and never do it again

Answer 7

I would lay down the law. Years ago when I used to smoke my sister would get mad when I'd break her rule about not smoking inside her place. The next time I visited her she had a "No Smoking" sign in the living room and that was the end of it.

I would tell your sister-in-law that although in the eyes of pet lovers people and pets can at times both be considered to be "family", that the deal is if the dog comes along, neither she nor her dog is welcome. If she tries it again, especially with your husband's sensitivity to hair, then sorry, she can't come around at all, period. Or if you REALLY want to get her, invite her over and leave a point-blank note on the outside of your door explaining why she is not welcome, and then LEAVE YOUR HOUSE AND BE ELSEWHERE!!!

Answer 8

She sounds really immature, but I do think it is too harsh to turn her away. I would only spend time with her in public, at a restaurant or even meet for a cook out in a park. Also -- tell her why. Maybe after three months, let her come back and give her a second chance.

Why is she coming with you in-laws when they come to baby sit? Unless she is under 18, she should not come over then. If she is, well then you need to find a new babysitter bc you can't expect parents to chose their grandkids over their kids.

I understand what a pain she is, but if those are the only things she does, I would try to work out a solution.

Answer 9

Your house, your rules.

If your husband is allergic to her dog, she should respect that. If she shows up with the dog, tell her the dog is not welcome inside but she can leave him tethered in the back. A dog is not a child nor a baby. Don't let her bring the dog in.

Tell her that if she has to go that bad to pee outside. It doesn't take a second to take your shoes off.

Personally, I wouldn't invite her to my home anymore. Only visit with her at other peoples homes or in public places.

Answer 10

Simply sit her down, explain the rules of the house and why she needs to abide by them and tell her that you are trying to set an example for your children and if she cant follow, then there will be consequences for her actions. Maybe speak with her parents about this, but its your house, your rules and that needs to be clear