tell me a joke i haven't heard?

Answer 1

what do you call cheese that doesnt belong to you?
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NACHO CHEESE!!

Answer 2

Two men were taking a walk and came across a large hole in the ground. They were curious to see how deep it was so the went searching for something to throw in the hole.

They picked up a rock and threw in the the hole....nothing happened. They found a larger rock and threw it in the hole....again...nothing. At a last attempt, they found a rail road tie and threw it in the hole. Seconds later this sheep came running between them and jumped right down into the hole.

As they stood there scratching their heads another gentleman walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen his sheep. They replied "We just saw one run and jump in this hole!" The man said, "That couldn't have been my sheep. He was tied to a rail road tie."

Answer 3

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 4

Towards the end of Sunday service, the pastor asked his congregation: how many of you are willing to forgive your enemies? Everyone held up their hands except 98 year old Mrs Jones.
Mrs Jones do you disagree? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? I have no enemies said Mrs Jones.
Mrs Jones during your 98 years on this earth, have you made no enemies?
Yes, said she but I outlived all them bitches.

Answer 5

My sister has the courage--but not always the skills--to tackle any home-repair project.

For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Dianne, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.

"I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw us.

"Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawnmower?" Dianne suggested.

Answer 6

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f&(king beautiful !'"

Answer 7

One afternoon, as George Bush put down the phone, Condoleeza Rice and Dick Cheney entered his office and said, "George, we lost 4 Brazillians in the Iraq war. Bush immidiately put his head down and sighed. He lifted his head, then put it back down. He repeated this 2 more times. Then, in a low tone, Bush asked, "How much is Two Brazillian?"


Please dont give me low ratings for this one it is just a joke someone sent me, lol

Answer 8

Why did the farmer cross the road?



Because his unit was stuck in the chicken.

Answer 9

I don't know if you've heard this one or not...but...do you know why they call it a wonder bra? When you take it off you wonder where the breast went.

I also like the joke...What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? -- Humpme Dumpme

Answer 10

After 10 years of living in the bell tower the hunchback of Notre Dame finally decided one night to venture out of the bell tower to find sex with a prostitute . Having saved all his money over the years he headed out on his quest . After having been turned down numerous times because of his grotesque looks he convinced an older hooker to have sex with him. She led the hunchback to a nearby hayloft and they undressed and the hunchback began having his way with her . In order to follow through with the act since he was so grotesque the prostitute kept her eyes tightly shut to avoid seeing his ugly face . After about 3 minutes a piece of straw poked her in the rear and she screamed and opened her eyes , upon seeing the hunchback face to face she immediately became sick and threw up all over his back . Just then the hunchback enraged jumped up and began kicking and beating her senseless as she cried out why are you hitting me , I just got sick?
The hunchback replied “Oh I’m so sorry I thought you had ruptured my hump !

Answer 11

Why did the chicken cross the road?