My boyfriend has a daughter who is 18 yrs old. She is an acholic, a drug addict, and she steals all the time. She always comes to daddy for money and it drives me up the wall. She asks him for rides everywhere, and asks him to buy her all these things she doesn't need. I am tired of hearing her cry and whine like a 2 year old and need some advice...Should I talk to him or no?
2006-09-05 13:23:45 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Depending on how long you've been dating... This being said, if you are thinking about making a living with him, you ought to talk to him. If he's doing this now, it won't change anytime soon.
As far as the daughter is concerned, it is important to understand why she is using drugs. This will help get her the help she needs. He is a father, and as a parent, he will not always know what is the best policy to deal with such issues. Even if he knows better, taking care of such issues with people that you truly love is no easy task. An 18-year old who is on drugs will be more whiny, and far more carefree and careless than others when on drugs. Their reasoning is not clear. What has he done to alter the situation?
I don't know whether you have children either. This may come into play in your conversation. Overall, I would most definitely talk to him because if you are looking to get serious with this guy, though I don't know either you or him, or his daughter, one thing is for sure... He will always be her father, and she will always be in his life. That is a certainty, and not something you will be able to change. So, a (non-judgmental) discussion with him is paramount. Good luck with that!
2006-09-05 13:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by fabmaster6 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For your own sanity you need to put a voice to this with your boyfriend. Your relationship can be jeapordized by resentment and holding those feelings in.
Realize that ultimately it is his choice if he chooses to do something about it. Should he decide to do something...be supportive. It won't be easy not giving into a manipulative child.
There are lots of programs out there available to help him get her back on track. Tough Love is a biggie and very hard to do...but also very effective. NA/AA are life savers. A treatment center where she has intensive therapy and time to dry out and detox is almost always necessary. Family counseling is almost always required. She didn't become a manipulative addict by herself....her family dynamics helped and they will also help her heal....if the family will attend.
Good Luck
2006-09-11 02:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by rainysnana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is his daughter in school?
i think that you need to tell your boyfriend how you feel. he might not like it and think that its none of your business to begin with, but he may not realize what he is doing for her.
the one thing to think about is. who's money is he giving her? is it taking money away from you? do you have kids?
if the money doesnt affect you, then just tell him how you feel and then let him think about it before saying anything else.
where does his daughter live? does she live with her mother? what does her mother think about her being a drunk and a drug addict? does she do the same to her mother? what does the girl steal? important things to you or to her? what does she do with them and are you sure that its her taking them? are they yours?
if she isnt stealing from you, taking away money from you, or using you in any way, why is it on your nerves? he is a grown man. he has to be the one to say no. if its his money and his time and his car taking her, why is it bothering you so much? if he is using your car, then you can say no and be justified. otherwise, maybe suggest that he get her a car so that she will leave it alone. why not suggest that he help her get a job so that she will be self sufficient?
also, you have to remember that he had his daughter a long time before he had you. he may have guilt issues that he is trying to make up for.. has he ever mentioned anything like that to you?
2006-09-11 09:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, not her. She's not your child, she's his although he's not helping her at all by always being there for her. Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom and climb their way out on their own. Sad to say, but you'll either end up ignoring it to be with him, or leaving him because you hate to see him get taken advantage of. He needs to be the one to get tired and put his foot down. If he doesn't , (and he may not, because it may not be bothering him) she could possibly use your concern to turn him against you. If she's an addict she knows how to turn things around. That's probably what she's doing to him. Using some kind of guilt trip.
2006-09-12 13:03:58 · answer #4 · answered by NETTA M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely talk to him, but be careful about how you approach it. He probably thinks of her as daddy's little girl. Her behavior won't change unless his does. If he stops buying her things, she would stop asking. Except that it will take a long time to affect this kind of behavior, especially since it's been going on for so long. I'd start out by approaching him about your concern about her doing drugs...things that would harm her.
2006-09-05 13:51:35 · answer #5 · answered by Susan W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a tough situation and the effect it is having on you is no joke. Before you talk to him though, ask yourself what you would do if this was your child? Try to put yourself in his shoes. It sounds like he is doing hte best he knows how under the circumstances and that is sadly rather rare in the modern world.
Be honest with him both positive and negative. I would imagine the best course is to let him know that what she is doing is not right, that it has a negative effect on you and that no matter what you are going to love him anwyay.
That's the approach I would take.
2006-09-05 13:33:00 · answer #6 · answered by teef_au 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh Yea you need to voice your opinion if you want this relationship to work you know communication is the key to any relationship and you should do it now! Don't wait until things get any worse and you loose trust him you need to take care of this now! Unless you are just jealous of his daughter then the problem is in your hands!! But communicate with him is the best thing that I can tell you! Good Luck!
2006-09-05 13:30:46 · answer #7 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and get her into a drug/alcohol rehab ASAP! We do not need another person in this world to end up on the streets because someone didnt interfere with their life! If dad doesnt want to put her in there, what about her mom, aunts, uncles, school, anyone that can get her into that rehab!
2006-09-11 19:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by crzyfiregirls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was fixing to say "HELL yea talk to him", but then I reread the question, and caught the word "boyfriend" (not husband). I think that makes a key difference. He obviously is enabling her, and it obviously has to stop. But have you considered what made the child the way she is? What good will your talking to him do? Does he respect your judgment and opinions? But I think you can count on one thing: she's going to be that way from now on until she gets some very real, significant help. Good luck to you honey, you're going to need it.
2006-09-05 16:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes do talk to him and her about this. This type of lifestyle in his daughter will eventually kill her. If not for his sake, for her's as well. If need be and if things get bad enough, I would leave him as hard as it may be. She needs some professional help and a detox program quickly before she loses her life.
2006-09-05 13:40:37 · answer #10 · answered by d4cav_dragoons_wife84 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋