I live with my bf and his 12 yo daughter. I do not have any biological kids and do not want any as I prefer to adopt as there are so many kids in the world that need loving homes. A few months ago I found two brothers on DCF's website. They are considered "special needs" children because 1) they are a sibling group and 2) they are of mixed race. I understand that because I am not married my bf will not be able to legally adopt these kids until we are married. I contacted an agency today that holds the required classes that need to be completed before you can adopt. They basically told me that I can go through the entire process but will either have a long wait for a child or never have a child placed with me because I am not married and living with a man. How is my home less stable then a single mom's home or a foster home? I am wanting to take on two children that may never be adopted and I have been told that my home is less stable than foster care? How can this be??
2006-09-05 12:48:30 · 8 answers · asked by Jessica 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well, no one that I talked to knows anything about his daughter so they aren't basing it on his failed 14 year marriage. I just don't agree with this because I shouldn't have to be forced to marry someone just because I want to adopt children someday. With the divorce rate as high as it is they should be welcoming stable unmarried homes with open arms. My home is better than foster care.
2006-09-06 00:42:47 · update #1
Like someone else said, there is a pattern in your household of not being able to commit. Therefore they readily assume that your current situation won't last. They'd rather not place a child in that kind of environment because it is deemed as unstable. I'm not saying they're right. This is just how they see it. From my experience with adoption (we were trying to adopt before I suddenly became pregnant) many places do not allow single parents to adopt.
Also, if you do decide to go the international route you will need to look carefully because while some countries are lenient, some are even more strict. I know that more than a few will not allow single parent adoption and many require couples to have been married for quite a number of years before they'll allow adoption.
2006-09-05 15:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by Amelia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should they be welcoming unstable homes with open arms? A marriage is a contract, legal and binding that is why it takes a court to break a marriage. Living together there is no contract so either party can pack up and move on at will. This is why you were told what you were told by the adotpion agency. Children become attached, and a break up of the family is emotionally hard on some kids. I would imagine that it would be harder on children who have been in fostercare/orphanages more. The agencies want what is emotionally and physically best for the CHILDREN not for the people adopting them. So either you make your home more stable or you forget about your plan to adopt while living with someone you're not married to.
2006-09-09 05:24:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first problem is, your BF already has a 12 year old, from another woman, or marriage, that to them shows he is uncapable of having a long term commitment. The second thing you know, you are not married. I have tried several times to adopt also, although I am married and have a son from the same man. Basically the adoption agencies are looking for married couples over 30 who are of the upper class. They also look at backgrounds such as where you went to school, college, and how long you held each job in your life. I also know that even a minor parking ticket can decide wether you can adopt. Try looking for children from other countries. They are more leanient on the rules, and the types of people they will adopt to. Expect to wait 5 years or more for a child. It sucks but that is the way it is.
2006-09-05 20:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by niks_mom7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It must be different in your state. I live in Kentucky and I have a cousin who is not married and does not plan on getting married. She started off as a foster mother then received a baby boy. They then told her that she could adopt this boy because the parents would not be getting him back.
Then the biological mother of the boy got pregnant again RIGHT AFTER she had just had him. They asked my cousin if she would like to adopt the second baby since she already had the brother. She was first on their list. So she agreed to it.
Now she has both babies, and the second turned out to be a girl. This year the adoption should be final.
2006-09-09 16:40:17 · answer #4 · answered by ForeverLove 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because these childrens lives have been through upheavles already. You could fall out with you b/f and once more their lives would be changed. Maybe this is why. Why don't you try fostering them and when you are married adopt then
2006-09-06 06:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea honestly. I guess it could be because of the way society STILL views live-in couples to be less of parents than what married couples are. If I were you, I'd take this as publicly as possible. Write to newspapers, see into getting it on the news, etc. There is NO reason you should be turned downjust because you and your boyfriend don't have that petty peice of paper.
2006-09-05 19:56:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you are serious go through all the red tape and make friends with someone at dcf , you may have to foster first , but they have to prove you are unfit , if they cant then its just a matter of time
2006-09-05 23:37:32 · answer #7 · answered by sindi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its because the world is stupid and I have no Idea why they are SO freak stupid. But keep your head up, and hopefully you can find a child to adopt, maybe you should find another agency.
2006-09-05 19:58:24 · answer #8 · answered by fandj4ever 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋