What to do with a potty trained 4 yr old who is having more and more accidents?

Question

We have tried everything, her 4th birthday was months ago, so she is definately getting more than old enough. We've checked with the pediatricians, tried different means of punishment and yet it is still happening. She holds it when she wants to..then other days she'll have 1-5 accidents today. Regardless of how many it is, she at least has one a day. Mostly it is usually pee, however 2-3 times has been poop. This has been going on for months, however it only started out as a random accident here and there and just built up more and more since then. Today she has had 4 accidents, and we are just at a loss. Completely unsure of what to do anymore because we are so absolutely frustrated. Any ideas?

We have tried the praising for no accident days. In the means of continuous praising all nite or special "big girl" snacks, special priveledges. All to no avail..within a day or two she is right back to accidentville. We also thought this was a plea for attention, so instead of continuing to explain to her why it was not ok, or carry on about it we stopped. We simply told her it was bad to pee in her pants, told her to go in the potty and made her go to the bathroom and went on about our days. Needless to say..this also didn't work.

And yes..she was completely potty trained..went a good year actually almost completely accident free.

We have tried the interval thing also..we even had them putting her on the potty every hour at daycare. She would wait till she got off and go, geesh. Although..today has been accident free..SO FAR. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself. And yes..I agree with one of the answerers (I forget her name!) It is very frustrating, practically depressing. And yes..there is no point in getting mad anymore..I just think to myself why why why and move on. Hopefully this will get better. I am still interested in reading all these answers!!

Answer 1

Has there been any major adjustment that she had to make like a new neighbourhood ar a new baby at home? Or maybe your child has some kind of fear. My son was afraid that he would get washed down the toilet. Try speaking with her to see if you can identify a problem and please try not to get angry because if she is fearful of something it will only make the situation worse. Children can also sense frustration so try not to show your real feelings. One of the most important tasks for parents to do is to handle their own frustration with the child's "accidents." If a child is involved in the cleanup, it should be done without fanfare. It is best for a parent to stay calm about the situation rather than embarrass or reprimand the child.
Its hard but try to act as normal as possible when the "accidents" occur. It might also help if you get her in the constant company of a child that is already potty trained because children readily learn from each other.

Here are some experiences:
http://www.familyandhome.org/ps/ps_pottyTraining.htm

Some other links
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/expert/preschooler/ptoilet/70582.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tppotty/0,,3wk6,00.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tppotty/0,,3wmx,00.html
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/potty_training/potty_training_resistance.html

Don't worry! You will see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. Happy Parenting!

Answer 2

Oh my gosh! Does this story ever hit close to home!!

My 3 yr. old was potty trained in January. He was fine for a full three months. He used the potty every time with no problems. When we were out in public he'd tell me if he needed to go and we'd take him to the bathroom. Then suddenly he started having accidents. And we've been battling him since April. We've tried EVERYTHING!! We've taken things away. We've rewarded him. Nothing works. I feel the exact same as you. I'm so frustrated. I am at a complete loss of what to do. I don't even get mad anymore because what is the point?

Answer 3

I assume you tried positive reinforcement.. ie: when she can go all day without going in her clothes then she gets a big treat.. but if she messes up then she gets no attention at all.. she gets to change her own clothes and it is not made a big deal of it... when parents are frustrated kids know it..but they sometimes thrive on the negative attention... also you might want to check on other problems she may be having... ie: if she goes to a day care... I would be curious if there is something going on there that she is feeling some pressure or if someone is watching her that has not been watching her before this started.. or maybe someone who might be getting a little toooo close if you get my meaning.. sometimes child sexual abuse can be the reason for this behavior.. also if a new child has arrived in the family that could be a reason.. The main thing... is try to get to the bottom by looking at all possibilities.. then.. if nothing is amiss.. then positive reinforcement ie: she can go to a fun place to play only if she is clean and dry then increase the time frame for the rewards.. but always make the biggest reward one of praise and love... no toy or place can take the place of the attention she gets from you.. Good Luck :)

Answer 4

For one stop punishing her. It makes the child feel less of themself, like punishing a dog for having accidnets. I agree with others about rewarding her, for when she goes potty, even if it seems not to be working. And make a chart for ten days of staying dry and having not accidents she gets a new toy or something special. And it doesnt have to be ten days in a row. For two take her to more frequentley to the restroom. This way she wont be holding it in and having accident. Also, you might want to try cutting back on her fluid in take. Not to the point of dehydration, but where she is not drinking so much water, juice, milk or whatever your child drinks. Maybe something as changed in the family or at home and this could be created the accidents.

Answer 5

I would start taking her to the bathroom at regularly scheduled intervals; sort of a back to the drawing board approach to potty training. Punishing her for the accidents may be causing her anxiety and stress, hence the regression. Try to be positive. By putting her on the potty at regular intervals (make her sit till she goes) before she can do a preferred activity, that may give her a little success again. Your frustration may be adding to her anxiety or stress. Try this approach. I potty train about eight 3 & 4 year olds each year. Good luck.

Answer 6

Praise and reward !! I taught my granddau. to go on grownup potty when she was 3 and everyone made a big deal of her going potty and to this day when she goes potty she runs and asks me if I want to come see!! A little weird, but she is so proud of going on her own, we still praise her and she'll be 5 in Dec. No accidents!! It's hard to poop on accident. Good Luck!! ?:)x

Answer 7

I used bribery. After a certain number of accident free days, you give them a toy. Nothing big but something that you know they would like. I used 7 days and she would get a 4 dollar Barbie. Once she was accident free for 2 weeks, we changed it to 14 days.... etc

Answer 8

Has anything changed in your home? new baby, pet, moved her from one bedroom to another, death of a loved one? It kinda sounds like it is for attention. If she can hold it until she gets home, then she is WAITING for YOU to exhibit that behavior. Keep a journal of her day to day life. Look for triggers and patterns. TELL your pediatrician that you want her checked out if she keeps it up. If it is psychological, get her help before she loses muscle control and incontinents really becomes a problem. My sister fostered a 6yo. with a similar problem. She wouldn't poop because she felt that was the only thing in her life that she had control of. She lost muscle tone in her rectum and was incontinent with her bowels. It took months of "rehab" to get her straightend out. Best of Luck!!

Answer 9

punishment is the worst thing you could do.
all she will associate with peeing and pooping is
that they are bad.
she is probably holding on for so long in fear that
eventually she just can't hold out any longer and hey presto
another accident.
have you tried rewards with going potty?
we started with a few m&m's as a reward for our 3 yo
and within a few days he was fired up just
go sit on the potty so he could get his reward.
now he goes and doesn't even ask for his reward.

Answer 10

What else has been going on? ANY changes to your/her normal routine may cause a regression like this. My advice: no more punishment. Be very patient( I know it is hard to do!), and offer hugs and encouragement. Perhaps give her a sticker when she uses the potty, or something(not food or candy). Good luck!!!!