How can I help my grandma??

Question

My 42 yr old uncle has been living with my grandparents. He got divorced and lost his truck driving job of 17 years. He moved in until he could get on his feet, that was 2 years ago. We have suspected for a while, but recently found out that he is on cocaine. He lies to eveyone, won't get a job, has used every excuse in the book as to why he can't find a job (always the employers fault), and is always borrowing "gas" money from my grandma. He doesn't even own a vehicle. He is totally free loading off of her. We have told her she needs to kick him out or at least stop giving him money, but she is the type who would help out anybody no matter what. My grandpa just passed away in April and grandma is in serious financial problems, mostly because of my uncle. She is still in good health but stressed to the max and it's wearing on her bad. My uncle is making no effort whatsoever to get on his feet. How can we tell my grandma to cut him off & take care of herself?

Answer 1

Not sure what you can really do. realistically what she does is her choice. However, the cocaine thing worries me. For one, it is illegal and if she knows about it and he gets caught with it at her home then she is part of it and CAN BE brought up on charges. Not only that but he needs help. My only advice is maybe talk to someone in the legal profession and see what can be done about catching him with the stuff and getting him arrested with the stipulation that he has to go to rehab before he can ever return to her home. Not sure how to go about all that except to call a crisis line for drug abuse or call the local police department and ask them. Maybe consult an attorney. If they can not help they might know who can. Best thing to do is do something before things get out of control. Especially if there is physical danger for her. Good luck.

Answer 2

Hun I completely understand what you are asking and where you are coming from! Your parents need to have a serious talk with grandma and possible file charges against your uncle for elderly abuse if things continue they way they are. But....Really after all that the only one who can really help Grandma is herself, I know you may not want to hear that but it is true. You are a very caring person/granddaughter for being worried though!

Answer 3

You should contact a local senior support agency and find out if what he is doing constitutes "Elder Abuse" (if your state even recognizes it). If she is having these serious financial troubles now, get her help now. My husband and I didn't find out that his uncle was doing the same thing until too late. He mortgaged her house (none of the family knew she had put him on title... she didn't realize it herself) ran through her money (stole her credit cards and debit cards) and then disappeared.

Our grandma spent the rest of her days in a nursing home destitute. Get help NOW!!!

Additioinally, it may prove helpful to have a power of attorney drawn up so a responsible family member can help her handle her expenses.

Answer 4

Your grandmother is an adult and as such you do not have the ability to tell her what to do. I would suggest however you take her some type of family support group for addicts such as Al-Anon. When she is ready to make the choices there are people there that can give her the support and tools she needs to do so. Until she is ready nothing you say or do will make a difference.

Answer 5

It is nice that your grandmother gives so much hospitality and care into anbody who needs it but your Uncle is totally taking advantage of her kindness. To save your grandmother the trouble, try talking to your Uncle one-on-one, telling him that he has abused the fact that you grandmother was helping him because she cares. If he still doesn't move out, then I just hope that your grandmother will eventually have the ability to kick him out herself.

Answer 6

I doubt you will be able to reach your grandmother on this one. After all this tiime, she knows quite well the character of your uncle. She just may be emotionally uncapable of kicking him out.

There may be an out, considering her financial difficulties. Contact the local social services agency and explain the situation to them. They may be able to seek criminal prosecution of your uncle for some form of "elder abuse." There have been several highly publicized cases in the recent past.

You may consider this an extreme solution, and you may possibly be right. But I suggest you, at least, get things started by reporting the situation. The simple threat that he may have to go to jail may be enough to get him out of her house.

But don't make it an idle threat. Get things rolling before you tell him. If you don't, he may promise you and your grandmother anything just to get you to back off.

Don't forget, you may not be seeing the whole picture, and may even be wrong about your assumptions. Social Services can do the investigation and get things sorted out. They may even be able to get your uncle the help he needs to get out on his own, without having to resort to criminal prosecution.

Answer 7

instead of thinking about helping your grandma maybe the question should be how can you help your uncle. maybe you can call the police and tell them he is not allowed on her property, this way he has to leave and hopefully straighten up. you know that show called INTERVENTION? you should watch it sometime. thats the sort of thing you need for him. because right now he knows as long as it is up to her he can free load forever! good luck.

Answer 8

Tell your uncle that he is being a burden on the family. And that your grandma wants him out.

Answer 9

Good luck with that one. There is nothing you can say to make her change her ways. It's her son, and no parent wants to see their child in a bind no matter if they are irresponsible or not.

Answer 10

No matter what we tell a person about there love one. It really up to them to do something about it. You grandmother has to make up her mind to do something about your uncle.