my thoughts are scaring me....?

Question

It's true... I went to school today and there's this murderous voice in my head... every person I see, I can see myself killing them or causing them pain in some way... It's scaring me...
This is worst I've ever felt mentally... the depression seems to be coming back on full force and I don't know what to do with it...
It's not like I'd kill anybody... I have too much self control. I can't approach my guidance counselor and talk to her about it because how does one go about doing such a thing, "Well, geez, ma'am, I'm having murderous and suicidal thoughts. In fact, I can imagine putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. Please send me to the nearest psyche ward before I do something bad. Oh, and don't tell my parents..."
I just dont know what to do and I dont want that VOICE to consume me...

My parents are from Bangladesh and they frown upon such things as depression... I cried once in front of them and she told me to shut up and I did... talking to them is like talking to a rock... and I'm afraid that if I say something, everything else will blurt out and I'll be a crying mess.

Answer 1

Understanding why you might be feeling this way may help. Remember, it wasn't one hundred years ago when men still settled issues with gunfights. Go back further and violence is an even bigger and more normal part of life. What we have done is take the violence out of man and put a tie around his neck. What do you expect is going to happen? Crazy stuff happens. People explode with no outlet. Physiologically we have not changed. It is society's perception of violence that has changed. You might try to seek a safe outlet which encourages violence like karate or boxing. Or rent some UFC:Ultimate Fighting Championship and cheer your favorite beat down. Either way, the voices are a primal urge. Try not to obsess over it. If you do feel like it is too much to handle remember there is no shame in getting help. I'm sure you have a trusted friend who can at least listen.

Answer 2

Sweetie, you have schizophrenia. A very scary and serious illness. Believe me, if you leave it any longer to get medication. it will get worse and worse until you are so scared you can't even leave the house and you think everyone is against you and trying to kill you. You can't control an illness like that by yourself and I know it is scary asking for help, but since your family does not sound very supportive you must find somebody who is. There is wonderful medication out today with minimal side effects. I know it is a big step, but you must drag yourself to the doctor or to the counselor. They understand the illness and this is not 1960 any more. People are more aware these days of mental illness. I am a trained Social Worker, if you need someone to talk to or someone to support you, email me and I will help you as best as I can. But you must also find someone close to you to support you. You cannot overcome an illness like this without support. Medication is one thing, but you also need emotional and moral support. Best of luck. If you want to talk, you can email me. By the way, if you are not sure what schizophrenia is, you can google it. It is an illness which affects one person in 100 and is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not a split personality like some people think and it can be overcome.

Answer 3

Bottom line is that you NEED to seek professional help.If dont feel comfortable telling your parents first then I would suggest talking to your counselor. The counselor is there for a reason and the reason is to help you and let you know about resources that can aid you in whatever your issue is at hand.
The voices can and most likely will get worse due to the stress that they cause you if you dont seek treatment soon.

Answer 4

These are very common symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - thoughts that take over your mind; the harder you fight them, the stronger you become, and they are unwanted. Visit this site: www.stuckinadoorway.co.uk ; it is full of people with OCD who can help you understand it. I understand - I have it as well, and I know how scary the thoughts can be. In fact, I'm up late at night now becaus the thoughts were keeping me from sleeping. You're not mad, and I know you won;t hurt anybody. Because these thoughts are alarming you shows that you won't. You will also find information on www.anxieties.com and pancdisorder.about.com . Good luck, and you can mesage me if you have looked at these sites and want to know more.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this...but it will only get worse if you don't do something about it now. There is medication now that will help you to either diminish these thoughts or put these thoughts in a context that helps you to understand what's going on.

I suggest going to www.nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and inform yourself then contact your local chapter. They deal w/ this all the time and are best at helping you. I think if you are underage you should tell your parents. No one hardly goes to the mental ward b/c medication helps so many nowadays.

Good luck.

Answer 6

My daughter had a time where she struggled with thoughts like that, mostly it was brought on by stress (which she got help for). If you don't feel comfortable talking to your guidance counselor, can you try your physician? I have talked to my regular doctor about things that would surprise other people, but my doc kept a straight face and got me the help I needed. Usually, people are more helpful than we give them credit for, when it comes right down to it. You should be able to find someone who can help. I would even try the guidance counselor, maybe testing the water with her by telling her you feel depressed. She may surprise you and be more helpful than you imagine....

Answer 7

I've had depression for years it comes and goes, but you need to get some kind of help its not fair to yourself to feel this way and its not your fault. Also there are some medications that will affect you differently then other people and some medications will cause abnormal thoughts when you stop taking them if you have been on any. please talk to someone you don't have to tell them everything you feel, but let them know how bad things are getting for you and that you need professional help. nobody is going to blame you or be mad at you.

Answer 8

well, your counselor is trained to deal with that sort of thing, and shes there to help you, its smarter to seek help when you know you need it that put yourself and others at risk. Depression is serious its not something like a cold or something its really serious and your parents do need to know, because i dont know if your school has a student- conselor confidentiality thing, I would try and talk to somebody- even if its just talking it doesnt have to be about yur thoughts maybe youre just stressed i just think you should talk to somebody.

Answer 9

wat u have to do is be strong and pray. that voice in your head is not you imagining things it's the devil trying to control you.

when u here the voice say: Satan i order you to get out of my brain because, you will not allow my soul to be a dumping ground for your trash. i have the mind of Christ and i won't be listening to that is consistent with that.

after you say this do this prayer.

please do this prayer everyday! you are in my prayers.

Lord, help me to never exchange Your truth for a lie. Where i have accepted a lie as truth, reveal that to me. Help me to clearly discern when it is the enemy who is speaking. I don't want to think futile and foolish thoughts or give place to thoughts that are not glorifying to You (Romans 1:21). I don't want to walk according to my own thinking (Isaiah 65:2). I want to bring every thought captive and control my mind.
Your word is "a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12). As i read Your Word, may it reveal any wrong thinking in me. May Your Word be so etched in my mind that i will be able to identify a lie of the enemy the minute i hear it. Spirit of Truth, keep me undecieved. I know You have given me authority "over all the power of the enemy" (Luke 10:19), and so i command the enemy to get away from my mind. I refuse to listen to lies.
Thank You, Lord, that i "have the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthians 2:16). I want Your thoughts to be my thoughts. Show me where i have filled my mind with anything that is ungodly. Help me to resist doing that and instead fill my mind with thoughts, words, music, and images taht are glorifying to You. Help me to think upon what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Phillippians 4:8). I lay claim to the "sound mind" that You have given me (2 Timothy 1:7).
In Jesus name, Amen

Answer 10

This may sound crazy, then again this is a crazy situation. I believe you have a dead person's (bad) spirit attached to you. So I recommend the book People Who Don't Know They're Dead... by Gary Leon Hill