I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I'm ready to get engaged. I see it as a time to get closer to your other half and really get to know them. He's not ready. He sees engagement as the time you plan your wedding. I love him and want to be with him with or with out a wedding. But at the same time I have PTSD and am afraid to let someone into that part of me with out a total comittment from them. He told me he wants to marry me but he's not ready yet. I'm willing to wait till he's ready, but how do I deal in the mean time?
2006-09-05 11:37:10 · 20 answers · asked by Stacia V 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm 26, he's 30, we've lived together for a year. I just returned to college and he's a resident, so we are both pretty much trying to get out lifes a float.
2006-09-05 12:11:46 · update #1
You can't rush a person, good for him for making sure of his decision, either wait or leave.
2006-09-05 11:38:58 · answer #1 · answered by helper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been with my boyfriend for five years. Like you, we've agreed to get married someday, but not until the both of us are 100% ready to start down that path.
You say you have PTSD -- I won't ask why or what caused it because that's not my place. If you're worried about his commitment, tell him about your concerns and your problem privately and explain. Most likely, if he does truly love you, he will be understanding and stand by you to help; you can rest easy knowing that at least your relationship is that strong.
As for engagement -- I've been waiting for a ring for over a year. I know he loves me, and vice versa. We even share an apartment and in another year we'll qualify as married under common law. I don't let that bother me, because I know he'll ask eventually. Probably at a time I'll least expect it, but also at a point where we're both prepared. You say you're willing to wait and be with him regardless of a wedding. I say that's a true test of your love for him.
Whatever happens, whether you choose to follow my advice or not, I hope it's for the best and I hope you'll both be happy together.
2006-09-05 18:58:39 · answer #2 · answered by meilang 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not mention your ages. You do not mention your educational accomplishments.
Some guys want to feel they can support and care for a family before they commit to matrimony. If you are in your early 20's wait until a secure job/income has developed. Once you start working, you meet a whole new area of people and friends. You really don't know what you will become at a young age, and age changes a person. The person you may think you want to marry now may not be the person you want to be with 10-15 years down the road.
Don't push. Let him come to the decision on his own. If you cannot wait, go out into the world and find yourself, and possibly a closer "sole mate." It may be later in life, but by then you will both know who YOU are and what you want in life.
2006-09-05 18:47:37 · answer #3 · answered by abracadabragal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Engagement is a time to plan the wedding. In that regard, he is correct. It is when you both commit to spend the rest of your lives together & you kinda get a feel for that before you are actually married. It is a time to get to know someone better also. In that regard you are correct.
All details aside. What this comes down to is he isn't ready. Bottom line. You should respect where he is with you. He very well may have intentions on marrying you but men can't just jump into an engagement as easily as a woman. Men are usually slower to commit. In the meantime, as hard as it seems, just try to not talk about it. Everytime you bring it up, it sets him back. I know men, trust me. Just let him develop his feelings for you at his own pace. If you cannot accept his pace, than perhaps this isn't right for you & you should find a man who will commit to you this way. Just be patient. That's all I can really say.
2006-09-05 18:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by IMHO 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
PTSD is no reason to rush into something as big as an engagement. As a matter of fact I have had PTSD for 32 years and I find it is actually better if you learn to take your time with things. Over time trust either will or will not develop between you two engagement will not change that. If it does not it is better to have waited. If it does all the more wonderful to get an engagement ring that neither of you feel you pressured him into.
2006-09-05 18:41:33 · answer #5 · answered by jusme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him you'll wait until he's ready. If you push him into getting engaged it will backfire on you. Just relax and let time take care of it. If you can't do that can you honestly say you want to marry him because you LOVE him or because you want to get married. There's a big difference.
2006-09-05 18:41:40 · answer #6 · answered by QWERTY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's more important to you, the ring or the commitment? If he say that he loves you, he probably means it. Many people chose not to get married because things are going so good for them that they don't want to ruin it. After all, statistics say that half of all marriages end in divorce. Do you really want to become part of that?
2006-09-05 18:41:09 · answer #7 · answered by Yup! I'm a girl! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple solution.
If he isn't ready then just dont presure him-what ever you do.
iF YOU presure him into engagement then its all going to end in tears for you both,
so my advice is to just sit and wait until he is ready, thats if you really love him.
but just to say aswell, it aint normal for you to want to ask him to marry you, normally its the other way around but im a traditionalist so there.
hope things work out for you both and you make the right choice for yourself.
2006-09-05 18:42:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to wait, I guess that's all that you can do.
Do something useful for yourself, go back to school, learn to do something that you have always wanted to do.
If you just sit and wait, until he is ready, you may become bored and restless.
2006-09-05 18:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK U SHOULD BE PATIENT IF HES WORTH THE WAIT.2 YRS IS NOT A LONG TIME. ALOT OF TIMES THINGS WORK OUT BETTER WHEN WE DONT RUSH. ITS GONA TAKE AWAY IF U TRY AND MAKE THINGS HAPPEN YOURSELF. LET THEM FLOW NAUTRALLY. I WISH U THE BEST
2006-09-05 18:44:36 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the dirtball, who is probably staying with you for one thing only. Give him an ultimatum - the ring goes on the finger, or he goes out the door. And don't accept that "if you loved me" crap. If he loves you he'll be falling all over himself to marry you
2006-09-05 18:41:29 · answer #11 · answered by ebemdpa 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋