How do I keep my 8 year old from getting so upset?

Question

My son has ADHD, we do not treat it with medication. Instead, we ask him to think about his actions.
Sometimes, when he thinks something is not fair (someone cutting in line, someone calls him a name, someone smashes his food, etc.) he will try to fix it himself. This is because, he ends up getting so upset when he asks for an adult to help, they shoo him away as if it isn't a big deal. Well, it is a big deal to an 8 year old.
Today, a kid cut in line, and my son got really upset. The teacher and volunteer also say he was saying things like "What the Hell?" or "I am so pissed off!"
I have a hard time believing that, but that isn't my issue.
I need to find a way to help him understand he needs to communicate clearer and not get so upset?

BTW...he isn't on meds for ADHD, because it is a mild case and he is not a danger to himself or any others. We prefer it this way.

OK, for the smarty pants (ones with thumbs down) I HAVE talked with several psychologists, doctors, his teachers, school administrators, and studied online the affects of ADHD.
I am saying he has it, but this is not where his issue lies.
He has MILD ADHD, meaning it IS controllable without medications. I bet you are a teacher, HUH? You wish all the kids could be drugged? Shame on you, my son is in the best school in our county. They know abouthis condition and praise his father and I for focusing on him rather than being embarassed by him.

Answer 1

I just want to let you know how great of a parent you are for not medicating your son. i am 15 and have tourette syndrome. My parents chose to put me on medications (i'm not saying they are bad parents. they are wonderful!!). but with TS and ADHD and other things like that, the medications effect your head, which in turn changes your personallity. My parents didn't want to deal with my tics, and that is why they put me on medicine. I didn't feel like they were putting my needs first, and as soon as i was old enough for the doctor to listen to me, i took myself off of them. You are the one that is putting you child first. So don't let anyone tell you to change your mind unless you think it is in the best needs of you son.

About your question...
you could give him other ways to handle it without him getting mad or doing something inappropriate. He needs to fix these things, that is just what his brain is telling him to do. Work something out with the teachers that if he has a problem it needs to be fixed whether they find it to be a big deal or not. Don't give him special treatment, but if something is bothering him, such as someone cutting in line the teacher should move that child to the back.

Tell him different ways that he could fix things. Let him know that if someone cuts him in line (i know there are other things, but that is just what i am using as an examply) that he should calmly ask them to go in back. and if that doesn't work he should tell the teacher. But you should also let him know that some of those things arent a big deal. Explain to him that if someone cuts him in line to go to gym class that they will still all get there at the same time, and it really doesn't matter that much. He may still have a problem with it, but it is worth a try.

good luck!!

Answer 2

I know how you feel. Unlike you, though we were bullied by the system to put our son on meds. He is now med free thank God. This is a typicle kid response to feeling their personal space and needs/wants are being ignored. His reaction is the problem. Right? So maybe if you re-inacted the things that were bothering him and talked about how he can handle thing differently would help. Having him think about his reactions is only half the problem solving. For an ADHD kid to fully grasp situations sometimes they have to be talked through it and then explain out loud how it can be handled different. So Play Pretend with him and take turns doing the role playing and have a real conversation with him on how to handle it next time. Let him know the potty mouth is uncool and will get him in trouble because it is disrespectful and take action on that too, just be sure to tackle one thing at a time.

Answer 3

ADHD dosen't seem to be his problem. fellings of entitlement are.
Make him understand that some kids are assholes. what he should do is tell the teacher, if she does nothing, treat the other kid the same way, if the teacher has a problem then you need to talk to the teacher about listening to your kid. Your kid is eight he should understand that adults don't care what he says, you should not try to convience him they should, because they won't and don't. Help him understand he's just a kid, and that lifes not fair.
And you need to realize that adults don't care about the same things kids do, nor should they. The problem is probly that the teacher sees your kid as immature, thus they are less likely to listen to him.

Answer 4

It would be great if a an eight year old boy would act like a 58 year old women but God didn't make us that way. Yeah the teachers would love if you drugged your son up so he would keep his mouth shut and sit still.Have you ever been on line at the bank when someone goes to the front of the line people go nuts! who doesn't hate a line cutter.your son sounds like he will make a good police officer one day.Just love your son and talk to him don't yell ,he is who he is,there is nothing wrong with him.

Answer 5

He may not need medication, but he needs to talk with a counselor to help him learn to deal with his emotions. As for the swearing, I've heard children younger than him say those words. I do not think the teacher would have lied about it, so I would sit him down and tell him that you understand his anger but that kind of language isn't acceptable for a child. A trained counselor will help him learn to deal with his anger in a positive way.

Answer 6

I'm glad to hear that you didn't jump to have him put on meds. Maybe the school needs to know he's been diagnosed with ADHD, so they can also help with anger management. Keep doing what you're doing. And just be patient. He's only 8 right? So, he'll understand more when he's older...

Answer 7

Ok the ADHD aside, as i have seen this as an excuse by many schools to try to force parents to dope kids up, have you tried the I and you language activies? For example, try re-enforcing when someone does somthing that upsets him for him to tke a deep breath and tell them straigh out. I do not like it when you cut in front of me in line. It hurts my feelings and makes me sad. I would like it if you would please stop. Try it at home first for a while and see if he picks up on it as an alternative to yelling or getting angery. And thumbs up for not medicating at this young of an age, that is so easy to do, and IMHO only teaches them to have an excuse for thier behavior. IE I cant behave today because I forgot my pills. erm....NO!

Answer 8

Just because YOU prefer you son to be a menace to other's doesn't mean the rest of us have to put up with it. ADHD is not a "think about your actions" disorder, or didn't you understand it when your doctor explained it. It is not something he CAN control, I suggest you go back to your doctor and have him fully explain the disorder to you because you're not getting the full picture.

Answer 9

The best thing for you to do is to actually teach your son to ignore that kind of stuff. Children can be mean, especially at his age on into high school.

Moving along, you say he tries to fix situations on his own? That is excellent! Not too many children do so, as oppose to what many parents may say.

Answer 10

they should have some kind of program in the school or in your area that can help you learn how to handle it without meds his doctor should also have some alternative options I would just call around good luck and I hope you get the help you need