i am insecure about my weight. my boyfriend makes jokes about it and points out "fat" bits. really gets to me

Question

not every time i see him. but it's like he reinforces my anxiety.i have told him to stop + he tells me he is only joking + its hard work for him cos i am so sensitive. occasionally he tells me i am lovely but there's a tone of sarcasm in his voice. i feel he is feeding my insecurity. will i never be able to have a proper relationship being so insecure? my friend says when i find someone who doesnt say such things then my insecurity will melt away

Answer 1

Was his audacity attractive to begin with?

Answer 2

Dump the bastard in a spectacular way ... make an example of him.

Even if I was an athlete with a body like a greek/roman statue (well I am not) I would not have teased gf/wife about weight if she was more on the curvier side of the body type.

Actually - why tease someone at all in regards to this matter? If you don't like them - why do you stay with them? Or maybe the person is some looser which doesn't have the courage to go out and find something "better", but is big in pointing out other people's imperfections?

Answer 3

I have to say that I agree with your friend. There is no reason for your boyfriend to be making such "jokes" or comments, period. It's not funny and he knows he's being hurtful... and then tells you that you're too sensitive. No! You just have feelings and he is obviously hurting them. It's sounds as though he is trying to make you feel bad about your body in his oh-so-subtle (NOT!) way... because he *thinks* it will eventually make you want to lose weight. But what it will ultimately end up doing is driving the two of you apart.

Sounds like you've said all that you can to get him to stop... since you've expressed that it hurts your feelings and you've plainly told him to STOP. I suppose all that you can do now is either stay and put up with it or tell him that since your weight seems to be an issue for him you'd rather find someone who will accept you as you are.

Best wishes!

Answer 4

Being secure in yourself doesn't mean that you have to have a boyfriend. You need to stand up for you. So you have a little weight problem but, you know what, your still beautiful. If your so called boyfriend can't encourage you then maybe the pounds you need to shed is him. Ugly people always want someone around that they can control and manipulate and nice people always feel like they can change that person. Let him go and then start working on you. I've been in a similar situation, I was told in middle school that I was ugly, no one wanted to date me and that I couldn't go out with these guys dogs because they said I was so ugly. WELL, that hurt to the point that I did something about it. I worked out, I toned my body and thought about the young woman I wanted to become. High school came and I was a cheerleader and lived a better life.

Answer 5

Your friend is right. In my experience, any man who makes fun of your size is not in the relationship for the right reason in the first place. I have always been overweight and I never stayed with a man who cracked fat jokes or said anything to the effect of an insult to me. Just try to be patient, GOD has a man out there for you. You will find him and when you do, you'll be nothing short of happy.

Answer 6

He is just not worth it. I know being insecure makes you feel like you don't deserve better but you do!!!

I am assuming you care for him, the fact that he disregards your feelings so quickly indicates to me that he doesn't care for you all that much...he is really not worth it and even worse is that he is bad for you.

I would advise you to confront him about it and tell him how it makes you feel when he makes these comments. I you do not see a significant change in his behaviour I would say you should end the relationship because not only are you not gaining anything from it but it is also harmful...GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

I hate to tell you this; but any man like that is just gonna degrade you to the point where you feel like nothing or worse. It's a control tactic and one of the highest forms of abuse. Bring this to his attention. If he doesn't take notice then dump him. You deserve better.

Worse yet; if/ when you finally doi decide to dump him your next significant other will pay for it. It's not fair to you or anybody else you happen to get with in the future. If he doesn't see the light then dump him as soon as humanly possible. It's not worth it and you deserve better.

Answer 8

You boyfriends a knob, he only does it so that he feels in control, dump him, go out with your mates, when you realise how much it was getting you down you'll be glad you did.

OR

Next time the does it and says he was joking, kick him in the nuts and tell him you were joking. Then hes stopped crying see if he can see the funny side.

Answer 9

This guy doesn't love you, he loves hurting you. He is terribly insecure and uses you harshly to make himself feel good.

You need to move on, girl, and find a man that appreciates you thin, thick, whatever.

...just for the record, I like having something to hold on to, so I don't mind a girl with a little extra to love.

Just remember, you deserve to be loved, and that means the man looks at you and sees the girl of his dreams and treats you that way.

Answer 10

You cant stand for something like that because its unfair upon you. you have to get the right person or youll never be happy. Like when you but a house, you find a really nice house that you really like but theres a rail way and a sewage works next to it theres 2 ways to go get a new one-find a new man make it sound and smell proof-sort him out or find something that touches him and use it to show how hurtful it is

Answer 11

Ditch that idiot! The only thing he is doing is breaking down your self esteem. This guy is insecure, and a loser. He wants you to feel as bad about yourself as he feels about himself. I know this for a fact because I was just in a relationship like yours, he will continue to say things, and they will eventually increase in frequency and level, and it will never end. I have now found a man who thinks all of my "fat parts" are quite sexy....seriously! He likes me just the way I am, and tells me that frequently. Get rid of this loser, and start living for yourself, and you will soon notice that there are many guys out there who like you just the way you are! Get goin' Girl!!