My daughter is 3 and won't listen.?

Question

We have to ask her do or not to do something over and over. She looks at us like we are speaking foregin to her. We ask her why she doesn't listen to us and her reply is always "i'm a kid". We have tried to use positive reinforcement, but it doesn't work. Any ideas?

Answer 1

well she is a kid put her on time out

Answer 2

Well when you have tried positive reinforcement and that did not work there is one then that will and it is a belt.
Now I am not saying beat the you know what out of them, but a nice tap or two will get her attention, now you may have to do this several time because kid are trying to see just how far they can push you. They are much smart than you give them credit for, let them know who is the parent and who is the child.
Be care not to hurt the child but let it know your not afraid to whip her when she does not listen to you.
You may not get results right away but you will later on, and trust me I got wiped when I was a kid and I am okay.
Just don't over do it and never do it when you are angry., because you can hurt them if you are mad are upset.
Put strong discipline reinforces that you are the parent

Answer 3

The first problem is that you are ASKING her to not do something. You are the adults, TELL her to not do it.

We had the same problem with our daughter right around when she was 3 & 4. They are starting to learn that they have personalities and can make choices now, that is what she is doing. She's pushing her limits with you to see how far you let her go.

If you keep asking her over and over, she will know she can keep NOT doing what you ask her. If you tell her to do something, and then if she doesn't do it, act on it... she will grow to understand she needs to do it the first time.

Many parents feel this frustration, it is not just you. You will always be struggling with what is loving your daughter, and what is letting her walk all over you. What is being strict, and what is being firm.

My husband had a habit of telling our daughter to do something 2 or 3 times and then when he got fed up, he'd still "count to 3" to let her know he meant business. The result? She knew she had until the count of 2 to sit there and be bad and get no repercussions. With me, I tell her to do it, if she doesn't do it, I look at her, say "now" and she gets up without a word. She knows when I tell her to do it, now is the time.

When I first started doing this, there was push back from her. But now, I never have to get angry with her, there is no crying, there is no argument. She does it, sometimes begrudgingly, but she never has to deal with an angry parent then. I've shown her what her limit is with me and she understands it. Personally, I think she is a happier child for it because I don't get as frustrated with her anymore. Whereas, with my husband, he is inconsistent. Sometimes he gets upset right away, sometimes he lets her keep pushing it. So, sometimes it results in crying and yelling.

It sounds to me like your daughter knows she's in charge and can use the "I'm a kid" excuse for doing things. Sometimes positive reinforcement is not the answer, punishment is. I'm not suggesting spanking or smacking, but stopping her from doing the one thing she wants to do right then. If she's playing with a doll and not listening to you, put the doll away for the night. If she's watching TV, turn it off.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are being ruled by your child!!! By the age of 1 children KNOW the word NO!!! when the parents use it & don't just say it like it's an option.
With ALL three of my boys, they had two chances. If I had to say NO a third time, it was, "What did I say?? (swat on the butt) I said NO!" Before they were two they knew that when I said something I WOULD FOLLOW IT UP!!!!
A child needs to know there are consequences for their actions. You child IS A CHILD, YOU are SUPPOSE to be the parents. Do NOT negotiate or try to discuss why they don't listen.
Your child tells you - because she's kid???
What that tells me is that you are probably parents who "COUNT TO THREE" & then NOT follow-up OR you are parents who give "TIME OUTS". By the age of three your kid has you figured out.....
SHE DOESN'T LISTEN BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT SEE YOU AS AN AUTHORITY FIGURE..... SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR ROLL AS PARENTS BECAUSE SHE HAS PROBABLY NEVER BEEN MADE TO........
You have tried "POSTITIVE" reinforcement???? POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT????? YOU ARE REWARDING THE CHILD FOR "NOT" LISTENING TO YOU?????? And it DOESN'T work???? HUH, IMAGINE THAT!!!!!!
You REWARD for BAD behavior!!!!! Sorry, I'm just trying to understand your way of thinking.... NOPE it's NOT going to happen. What happens at age 6 & she is playing with matches, do you buy her a new doll???
SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD!!!!! apparently it's true, HUH!!!
After age two I NEVER EVER NEVER had to swat any one of my boys. WHY??? because I taught them that I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH when I say I will swat them. Whether I have to again or not, they KNOW I will do what I say!!!!
You do NOT have to BEAT a child to discipline them, but hollow threats, time outs & discussions with a three year old has obviously given the child the power & she knows it. Your positive reinforcement has proved that ???

Answer 5

She's right, the reason she doesn't listen is that she is a kid. You are trying to make her see things as an adult. It's not going to work that way. Pick a form of disciple and stick with it. Remove all of her privileges to begin with. Make her EARN television, computer, games, etc by behaving. When she behaves for an entire day she gets a half hour of television. When she behaves for a week, maybe a favorite dvd...That's the way it worked in my house and somehow we came out with a child who listened and behaved...I wonder why?

Answer 6

Keep your head up and remember that this is a phase. It is called terrible twos but depending on the child it can start anywhere from one-and-a-half to three.

The first thing you need to ask yourself is "Is my baby girl not LISTENING to me or is my baby girl not HEARING me." Take your child to a pediatrician and have her hearing tested. I have a friend who is hearing impaired due to a messed up chromosome and she was not diagnosed until she was a todler. Also have the pediatrician run tests to see if your child has a learning disability or is ADD.

If a trip to the doctor's office leaves your child with a clean bill of health, the next step is to keep a food journal of EVERYTHING your child eats. Do it for a week. Then examine the journal and see how much refined sugar, high fructose corn syrup and caffeine your child is ingesting. Children who are hyped up on sugar and caffeine are not children who can easily obey mommy and daddy's commands.

If nutrition is not the issue, it may be time try negative enforcement. The purpose is not the punish but to A) Get the child completely focused on you and your command and B) Break the child's concentration on the object that you want her not to touch or behavior in which you want her to no longer engage.

Go to the store and get no-more tears baby shampoo. Mix it with water in two spray cans or squirt guns. Taste the mixture to make sure it is nasty. Give one squirt gun to your spouse and the other to yourself. The next time your baby girl is engaging in the behavior you want to cease follow these steps.
Tell her once, in a calm voice, to stop.
If she continues, spray the mixture into her face so that it goes in her mouth.

Remember, it is baby shampoo and water. Yes it tastes nasty and yes she will cry but it is not HARMFUL. If she gets it in her eyes it won't hurt either as it is no-more-tears. Also, because it is shampoo it won't stain the furniture. Do this four two weeks straight just at home and at Grandma's house or wherever else you spend time with her that is not in public. Be prepared for fits and temper tantrums when that nasty shampoo water goes into her mouth. Don't apologize and don't stop using the squirt gun.

After two weeks, you should be able to just give a command once and then only reach for the spray bottle before she stops engaging in the behavior. At that point you can start bringing the spray bottle with you into public. Put it in the outside pocket of your purse where she can see you grab for it.

Dogs have the same level of intelligence as three-year-old human children. That is why some of the same behavior techniques work with both.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Answer 7

She's just doing what she's suppose to be doing, testing you. Asking a little kid why they did something is like asking a women why she flaked out on a date. Just threaten to take away a privillege related to whatever activity your daughter was doing. If she continues, then take that privillege away. A 3 year old will gave into your demands pretty quickly once they realize you mean business.

Answer 8

OK, I gave this answer to someone else, too, but it applies to your question also:
Be consistent in your time outs, discipline. If you're not, he'll be confused as to when he can get away with something and when he can't. Also, I hear many parents make threats that they have no intention of following through on ("If you don't stop, you won't go to Disney with us" - What are you going to do?-Cancel your family vacation? ?) Then the child learns not to believe you. One other thing: don't get sucked into arguing with your toddler. It's easy to get frustrated and fall into that trap. When your upset or frustrated with your daughter, remain calm and just reiterate what you want her to do. If she doesn't comply, tell her you'll help her, then help her to do it hand over hand if necessary. You can give her a choice of doing it by herself, or you'll help her. Either way, it gets done. Don't give her negative attention if she tantrums or acts up. Sometimes children act out for attention, even if it's negative attention. I work with children with behavior problems. These techniques are quite effective even for children who don't have behavior problems. Good luck.

Answer 9

do you know its a medical fact that it takes someone saying something 500 times before a toddler can remember it yes teach her that your the boss and dont let her get away with murder show her there are conquinces for your actions but at the same time she is only 3 pick your battles and give her a break some times the most important thing is that when you pick your battles be consistant the worst thing you can do is let her get away with something once after you told her she would be in trouble for it for her to think she can getr away with it all the time.

Answer 10

It's called discipline. You say move....she don't move.....then pop her bottom. You can do the count to three thing first, but it's like this. My kidz have been popped. All of them. And older, they got spanked. Oh....you might think it's so cruel....guess what. They're 11 and 9. I can't remeber the last time I had to spank them. They listen, they're well behaved and when I tell them something to do, they listen. Hard heads make for soft bottoms. I popped them when they were younger, so I don't have to now.

Answer 11

she must have heard this "i'm a kid" nonesense somewhere -- ugh! since she seems to have the ability to reason (somewhat) what i did with mine when he was 3.... told twice, the second time i got "the look" or the comment - i said THIS is what you will do, if you do not, THIS is what I will do (punishment) - that worked for him. told him not to do something twice, explained the second time that if he did it again we were going home. when it happened again -- i picked him up and took him home - he was not happy and neither was i but more so he learned his lesson about that AND that i was true to my word. he's now 12.75 and still knows - i hold true to my words -- good & bad LOL