My marriage isn't really working. We fight constantly, daily. There is this beautiful, funny, charming, intelligent girl at work and we like each other. (Nothing has happened though.) She doesn't yet know about my marriage. What should I do? The other thing is that she's 18 and I'm 30. My heart is in turmoil.
2006-09-05 10:36:57 · 39 answers · asked by SteelJazz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your marriage is more important - you should try and work things out with your wife before you throw it all away. You must've loved her one point in your life, thats why you married her!
So go and spend some quality time together and make it work! take your wife out and treat her to good stuff... that little girl is just a play thing! Your marriage is more important.
Besides its cheaper to stay married than divorced!
2006-09-05 10:43:08 · answer #1 · answered by scorpion queen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course this 18 year old is beautiful, funny and charming, She is 18 years old. She has no responsibilities, no worries, she is young and fun. We were all this age once, but life takes over and we sometimes forget to have the fun that we all once had. You have to sort out your marriage, one way or another first. It is not fair to anyone to start having affairs. Either you sort out your differences with your wife or you call it a day and move on. What you need to sort out is whether you can live without your wife first, sort yourself out before you go and think that the grass is greener, because the grass is greener for a short while, but then that turns that horrible yellowy colour. You have to sort things out with your wife first before doing anything else. If you decide that you want out with your wife, give yourself some time before you rush into another relationship, then if this girl is still free and there is still a connection there, then maybe there might be able to get together.
2006-09-05 19:54:47 · answer #2 · answered by radiant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only honest answer to this is "oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuck"
lots of thoughts:
the one who gets betrayed in this story is always the "other woman". She gives lots and comes away with nothing, in the usual script.
you are in an excellent position to give your marriage the best chance it will get right now by opening up with your wife on this so-far-non-affair, and seeing where that leads you. Certainly into an open-out crisis, which may be what you need. Maybe from there into counselling. Forcing a response when you're still the innocent party is an unusual but very powerful strategy.
Be prepared to change job, even if you do end up with the girl at work. There's no need for her to have the pressure of you around at work, whether you're her lover, her ex-lover, her partner, or her never-was.
2006-09-05 10:46:40 · answer #3 · answered by wild_eep 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Affairs are never a good idea. If you think your marriage is failing now you won't even want to see what could/would happen if you went that route. Besides if the girl at work is as wonderful as you say she is, she will not want to have anything to do with a married man other than just be his friend. Always remember...The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but it is just as hard to mow. Straighten your marriage troubles out first. Either through counseling or divorce before you even think about another woman.
2006-09-05 10:45:07 · answer #4 · answered by mazell41 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she was 25 then there might be some future in it. just think about how you changed between 18 and 25. You are attracted to the excitement and romance of something new with someone new.
You made a commitment when you got married, one that you possibly can no longer keep, but at least find that out before embarking on a new start. Your wife, too, may feel that way, as my first wife did when I actually discussed it with her. We were lucky that we didn't have children to think about and realised we made better friends than spouses. As it ended up she and my second wife became very good friends in the end and she became a favourite auntie to our children.
It can work out in the end, but if you introduce deceit in any way you are asking for trouble. Ask yourself what it is you see in your 18 year old that is missing in your wife and also ask yourself what you can offer her for the long term before you act rashly. If you have children think 100 times over how it might affect them.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 10:46:52 · answer #5 · answered by MarkEverest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you need to do is figure out what it is that you want to do. And then determine what you need to do. And realize that those are two very different things. You need to ask yourself why the girl at work doesn't know you are married? Because she doesn't want to know or because you don't want her to know. And are you in love with the girl at work or in lust with the girl at work, constantly believing that the grass is greener somewhere else. News Flash! "THERE IS NO GREEN GRASS! ANYWHERE!" So STOP looking, life is what you make it, if you love your wife and you can't live without her, than you need to make that work or at least attempt to make that work, but that truly means you must try. If you don't want to work it out with your wife, which I personally feel is a cowardice thing to do, but I am not in your situation, so I do not fully appreciate your problem, than you need to tell your wife and quit leading her on. If it isn't going to work than be man enough to admit it, and let her go. At the same time you need to be honest with the girl at work. Do not pull her into the mess of your confused life right now, until you have made a decision, and remember there is no such thing as right and wrong decisions, there are only two types of decisions, those you can live with and those you can't. Make your decision and do not look back with regret.
2006-09-05 10:51:35 · answer #6 · answered by Double A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm.....Have you ever thought that maybe you are attracted to this girl because your marriage isn't working? Maybe you're projecting the feelings that you used to have for your wife onto this girl. I suggest you seek counseling with your wife. There is always an underlying reason for arguing. You should find it. BTW if this girl knew you were married chances are all these feelings you have would go up in smoke. By not telling this girl you're married you are basing your "relationship" on a lie. Come clean. Try to save your marriage. Good Luck
2006-09-05 10:46:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage isn't really working but you are still with your wife. Maybe you should think carefully if you will in fact end it up some time, or you are just having a hard time in the family. It's a hard one anyway, she is only 18 and you don't know what she really want sfrom life yet, do you? At this age they are just a slightly overgrown children. On the other hand if you will miss on something big in your life... tough. Good luck.
2006-09-05 10:42:22 · answer #8 · answered by shortnotsilly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is actually pretty easy. I was married and miserable, but at no time did I fall for anyone else until I was finished with trying to work on the marriage. It takes two for the relationship to work. If you don't discuss this with her, you will only betray her along with yourself. Its the best thing to do , your perception is kind of twisted and vulnerable because your unhappy. Don't start something without finishing another. You both deserve that. Also, never get involved with someone at work. Very rarely does it work.
2006-09-05 10:45:09 · answer #9 · answered by driver 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just depends if your fighting with the wife has something to do with this girl at work. If so then examine the situation. If you don't feel that your marriage and life are going to way you want just leave the wife and go for the girl. Hell its your life man and you make what you want of it. We can all accpet what we have or we can just drop it and start anew.... a quote for you -
The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard
2006-09-05 10:42:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋