I thought after the first week it would stop, most kids cry like that the first week because they don't know the place. But its going on 3 weeks and he still does it. How can I get him to stop? I do this all on my own so there are times I need to use the restroom or go to the kitchen and when I go he will cry. And its a Screaming type of cry. I just don't know what to do about it and its really starting to stress me out. Any ideas?
2006-09-05 10:20:03 · 20 answers · asked by dohm84 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
BTW: He is 10 months old
2006-09-05 10:25:47 · update #1
cyanne2ak you are so right....
2006-09-05 10:27:28 · update #2
Kids don't stop crying under these circumstances because they get used to things. Kids are absolutely miserable away from their mothers - they evolved to actually be terrified by her abscence. What stops kids from crying typically is that they give up, they learn that crying doesn't work. They are silent, but in despair, and all the grownups think that the silence is golden!
This poor kid is the type who doesn't give up - he still believes his crying will work and someone will notice and care about his agony. His mother is the only person who can help him and apparently she isn't interested in doing so - she has to end the abuse of leaving him in day care and actually parent him.
Just go to the restroom and he'll cry. Go to the kitchen and he'll cry. Until he accepts the fact that his life sucks and the grownups in his life who are supposed to love him and put him first have abandoned him to you, he will let everyone know how he feels about it.
What a sad and wretched life for such a little child.
2006-09-05 10:43:47 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Some kids just take longer to get acquainted than others.... I have had a few children take as long as two months to stop crying every day. Without observing the situation, it sounds as if one of two things is going on: 1) he has abandonment issues- if every time he turns around, someone is gone, that can be very scary for a little one. Make sure to tell him when you are going out of the room- never sneak out- this only breeds mistrust. I had one little guy whose mother always snuck out of the classroom in the morning. Soon he began to cry everytime a caregiver left the room. Children are still very sensitive at this age, and have just discovered the concept of object permanence (an object exists even when they can't see it).
2) he has been "trained" that crying is the response to having someone out of eyesight. Again, make sure to tell him where you are going, maybe even set him within eyesight of the bathroom door so he understands (he is only 10 months, after all). Say calmly, "I am going to the bathroom, I'll be right back." and go. If he cries, that is ok. If he screams, that is ok. With your consistent responses, he will start to understand what your words are meaning, and begin to change his behavior. Perhaps mom or dad is overly responsive, and every time they leave the room and the child cries, they come back. Like I said, this is all just an educated guess since I can't physically observe the situation, but there is a reason he is doing this. Small children who are just developing this sense of permanance really need to see their caregivers most of the time. I know there are some times when it is unavoidable (we all have to go to the bathroom sometime!) But for the most part, take the child with you when you change rooms (or encourage them to follow you by crawling). On the good side, he recognizes you as someone who can meet his needs and trust to take care of him- that's part of why he's missing you!
2006-09-05 11:17:24 · answer #2 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so with you on this! I have a day care in my home and have had several different kids do this. Their parents have no idea how hard they make it for other people to watch their children when they give in to the child's screaming. You have to ignore it. If he's not tired, hungry, dirty or hurt, which of course you know, take your time and go to the bathroom. Don't hurry, I would try to stay out of sight until the crying at least calms if not stops. Count to 10 then walk back in and praise him for not crying. Don't go to him right when you re-enter the room, either. Let him know that you are not going to jump when he calls. And just to get him in the habit, get out of sight even when you don't need to. The more you do it the more he will get used to it and learn to calm himself.
Something else to think about, what are his naps like? I've had a couple of kids that would do this because they were over tired and over tired children can't rationalize that the grown-up will come back because their minds can't physically think clearly. He needs 2 naps a day at his age, of at least an hour and a half each. If he's not getting enough sleep, ignoring the screaming probably won't do much good. Good luck, it's so frustrating I know. Send me an email if I can answer any more questions. Take care!
2006-09-05 11:47:05 · answer #3 · answered by disneychick 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Give him a bottle with warm milk/formula/juice right before you leave the room and give him one of those wind up plush toys that play music when you pull it apart. He should be fine, if you are only leaving for a minute. If he does start to cry then don't run back in the room. Otherwise he'll keep doing it because he knows that when he cries that is the way to get your attention. Hope it helps!
2006-09-05 10:27:08 · answer #4 · answered by sac_baby_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've done home daycare for 4 years now and I had a baby like this. He wouldn't want to take naps either. I just put him in the playpen or somewhere that I knew he couldn't hurt himself when I had to get stuff done. I had 3-5 other kids depending on the day so I couldn't devote all my attention to him. His mother said she was always holding him and I'm sure that's why he was that way. It took quite some time ( I mean a few months) and he finally got the clue that I wasn't going to hold him every time he cried. Things get better when they start to get more self sufficient too! If you have to, put him in a bedroom in the playpen and shut the door when he cries. You need to get composure and I know the screaming drives you crazy! @#$%! Leave him alone for awhile and do your things, put him in an exersaucer or bouncer. Whatever it takes to keep your sanity!
2006-09-05 10:33:00 · answer #5 · answered by Michele F 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Apparently the child is experiencing some type of abandonment stress. You did not say the age of the baby but if it is an infant you may try a carrier, that would allow you to do your other duties and still give the baby a feeling of closeness with you.
2006-09-05 10:25:14 · answer #6 · answered by loser 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the baby has seperation anxiety. Talk to the parents and find out how they cope with it at home. Perhaps wearing the child in a sling will help it feel more secure, and in the long run, more willing to be put down on it's own.
2006-09-05 10:24:53 · answer #7 · answered by Bug's Mama 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Does he have a pacifier? A favorite toy you can give him to comfort him? How many babies do you watch by yourself? Anything can happen while you're in the bathroom or the kitchen. You ought to have an assistant.
2006-09-05 10:29:07 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Unfortunately you might just have to let him just cry it out of himself - I know that can hard to deal with - but that is sometimes in - talk with his parents and see if there is anything that they do with him at home when he is like that.
2006-09-05 10:22:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
HE IS HAVING SEPERATION ANXIETY AND THAT IS VERY SCARY FOR HIM.
If you are,nt able to cope with this child then you need to tell the parents that you just can,t do it. For everyones safety and wellbeing.
2006-09-05 14:21:44 · answer #10 · answered by ~♥ L ♥~ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋