My sister and her three kids were staying with my mother and father(for almost a year now....yeah I know, taking advantage) because of financial reasons until her and her oldest daughter(who has always been disrespectful) disrespected my mother and she kicked them out.Now because they can't stay where they are now my mother is thinking about letting them back in her house. Am I wrong for telling my mother that if she lets them back in that I will cut all ties with her and am I wrong for not wanting any type of relationship with my niece and sister?
2006-09-05 10:00:34 · 17 answers · asked by Truly_Complexed 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When someone is disrespecting your mother you don't think about what you are going to do, you spring into action and that's what I did when I heard what happened, I dropped everything and took a 6 hour ride up to when my mother lives to support her, only for her to turn around and start thinking about taking my sister and nieces back into her house. I stayed with my mother for three days supporting her, so I'm hurt and concerned for her, but at the same time I can't keep getting upset everytime my sister and her kids do something to my mother and father.
2006-09-05 10:35:07 · update #1
she is a mother first. she cant just stand by and watch her child and grandkids out on the street. an ultimatum was out of line. i think that you overstepped your bounds because its your mothers choice in what she wants to do.
you are trying to make your mother choose between you and your sister and thats not fair to your mom. she needs to choose the one that needs the help the most.
what you can do is tell your mom that its her choice if your sister moves back in, but it really upsets you to listen to her tell you what they are doing and how they are disrespecting her.
2006-09-08 20:30:51 · answer #1 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that cutting ties is what you have to do, then no one can stop you, BUT remember you only have ONE mother. Tell her that your relationship with her will change if she lets them back in, she has to get a backbone and tell your sister that it's time to grow up and take care of her kids on her own. How long does she think she can depend on your mother? Obviously she did her job and raised the two of you.
Hopefully things will work out where everyone is happy, but really think about what you are willing to do; are you willing to lose your mother because of your sister?
Good Luck
2006-09-05 10:07:50 · answer #2 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cutting ties with family is wrong, because in the final analysis family is all we have. Give your mom support by talking to your sister, in love, about keeping the niece in check, or, maybe help sister find another place to live that is more affordable. Bottom line it's your mother's house and she has a right to put up in it whomever she chooses. So drop the anger and love on her, mom needs it.
2006-09-05 10:12:39 · answer #3 · answered by LAnewsman 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is a double edge sword and you better be able to take the cut if you do that.
Your mother is a grown woman and what she does - WHETHER IT HURTS HER OR NOT -is truly none of your business. You can voice an opinion but you need to respect your mom's decision and let the chips fall here they may. She knows your sister is using her and she knows it is in her best interest NOT to let her move back in but that is her child adn she will do what she feels is right for her child.
Tell your sister how you feel but keep communication open. You only have one family and no mater how disfunctional they are they are still your family.
2006-09-05 10:32:45 · answer #4 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yup, you are wrong. Your mother is a grown woman with her own house and she can do with it what she pleases. If she chooses to let your sister and her kids take advantage and disrespect her then that is on her. You should still love your mom the same and realize she has a big heart and loves her kids/grandkids even though they may not always deserve the unconditional love.
As for your sister and her kids - that is your business if you want to have nothing to do with them. I don't think it's healthy, but if you feel you can't have any type of relationship with them then that is on you and your sister - it has nothing to do with your mom.
2006-09-05 10:04:00 · answer #5 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough, tough situation. I'd hate to see you cut all ties with her but you are well within your rights to tell her that you feel like doing so and will not help and do not approve of what she's doing. If you think "cutting all ties" will get her to change her mind, it might be a tool to use but it's pretty drastic. (My thinking is that your mother is a "fixer" and an enabler and can't help herself. Can you get her to go to Al Anon?)
You are not at all wrong in ANY way for avoiding your sister and niece.
2006-09-05 10:19:00 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think youre wrong afterall, its your business too you ARE family. Point is you dont want to surround yourself with messed up people and you want the best for your mother. They ARE her children though so it would be kinda hard kicking your kid and theirs out when your their parent. Look to solve it all try to be the peacemaker, have a talk with your sister and her devil child about how you feel to help so you can atleast say you tried. Talk to your mother about how you feel, love respect and accept choices shes makes, she probably already feels bad enough because shes stuck, your making her chose between you and your sister thats not right. Tell her how you feel. Maybe you should ALL sit down and talk....and have everyone be honest! Good luck :)
2006-09-05 10:07:39 · answer #7 · answered by Fearfully & wonderfully made 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I understand how you feel and no you are not wrong for disliking them. Just because they are family doesn't mean that you have to like them. But, try to be respectful of your mom. Let her know why you feel that way, and remind her of what happened last time. If your sister never learns to stand on her own two feet, she will be on your mom's door step forever.
2006-09-05 10:08:21 · answer #8 · answered by Shanigirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your concern is well placed, but it seems your mother doesn't need any more punishment than what she's already getting. Cut ties with your sister before you do with your mother, I'd say.
2006-09-05 10:03:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to make her choose. Just try to get your mother to see what your sister has done. Try to be civil towards your sister and understand that it's probably hard for your mother to see what they're doing to her... after all it is her daughter. Don't be mad at your mom, she loves you and your sister and is just trying to help her out. If you should be mad at anyone it's your sister.
2006-09-05 10:05:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋