Am I stifling my 11 year old daughter in middle school?

Question

My daughter started middle school today. It is in an urban area, and violence there is well-known. Even though strict no violence policies are implemented, the gangs of kids last year congregate on my street (I live three blocks away), and routinely have beatings of younger and more vulnerable children.

While I am all for my daughter's independence, I am worried that one day she will be the target. Today, I walked her to school, and picked her up. My husband says I am being overprotective and paranoid. I say I am simply protecting my daughter.

I know fights in school happen...but all I am doing is protecting her on her way to and from school.

What is your opinion?

Answer 1

I'd be walking her too. You know the area isn't safe. And it helps you both if you walk her. What if she's scared to walk those 3 blocks, but doesn't want to tell you? What if something did happen? Its better for her to get a bit of teasing than to be hurt or killed by a gang within blocks of her house and school. It also gives her a way to play you as the bad guy without making her look like a baby. My Mom always told us we could use her as a scapegoat if it helped us to keep from bending to peer pressure. (As in, I can't do that cause my Mom would kill me! Or I gotta be home early tonight or my Mom will call the cops to find me. Anything that helped us get out of a bad or scary situation without having to straight out tell the other person they scared us). Sometimes being walked is alot better than letting them take chances.

Answer 2

You continue being a good mother, and if you don't feel that your daughter is safe going to and from school then you keep on doing your job. Our children are our most precious gift and it is our responsibilities as parents to watch over and protect and nurture our children.

Try starting a community watch program in your area if there isn't already one established, maybe a group of parents can work together on this to make it safer. If possible, see if there are other mothers that are worried also. If so, it would also help to have some others that are willing to keep an eye out, because if they aren't afraid of displaying open violence, then I'm not sure as an adult that I would feel safe either.

Also, contact your local police department to get their advice on the "gang" of kids and what you and your community can do to help prevent any further violence.

Answer 3

That's a bit much. She's eleven. No offense, but I wouldn't want to be walking to and from school with my mom. Suggest that she walk with a friend. If you're so worried, then just talk to her. Tell her what to do if the time does come where she gets into a violent situation. Let her breath. Explain right from wrong. Tell her that if anything ever does happen, you NEED to know RIGHT AWAY. You don't have to constantly be with her. It's like what Bruce's dad said in Batman Begins: the reason we fall is so that we can learn to pick ourselves up. It's your job as the mother to protect her, but also help her become an independent woman, even if that means letting her go into a world that you fear. I don't think this is about your daughter, I think this is more about you. Ask yourself why you're so afraid of letting your daughter go to and from school. Tell your daughter this, hear her view of things. You'll both appreciate it.

Answer 4

Talk to your daughter about it. Would she feel safe walking home? Does she have friends to walk with? Can you meet her at the corner? There should be a way to work this out so that your daughter is safe, yet you still give her some independence. Having her mother walk her to school everyday may end up making her a target.

Answer 5

Can you move?
Can you send her to some self-defense class like Tai Kwan Do or Kung Fu? Those would be extremely useful, those skill will be helpful even when she gets older as an adult.

She is 11, if she be seen that her mommy walks her to school she maybe laughed at and may become a target because of it.

Answer 6

Please... my mom walked me to school when I was 11 (school was 3 blocks away).... actually she drove, but there were times when she would walk.

Better safe than sorry. I certainly didn't feel like she was being "overprotective". Besides, it was kinda nice having someone to walk with and it was sort of a mother daughter time.

Answer 7

i would do the same thing.. being overly protective isn't a bad thing when it comes to gang violence.. i would continue walking her to school and picking her up and just ignore your husband b/c you child's safety should come first.. and if you stop and one day she doesn't get hurt or even killed what are you going to do and how are you going to feel knowing that you listened to your husband instead of your motherly instinct...

Answer 8

I totally agree with you. A parent would be neglectful of their child's safety and welfare not to protect that child, especially in an area known for violence.

Perhaps later on, she could walk to and from school with a group of kids. There is safety in numbers.

Answer 9

Institute a neighborhood watch program. I would talk to everyone on the three blocks between school and back. Most of them have got to be as concerned as you are. What about the PTA (parent teacher association).

You can be crime conscious without involving your daughter directly.

Answer 10

My first questions would be, does your daughter want you to walk her to school and pick her up? If she wants you to, my only other concern would be that, by walking her to school, you may be attracting attention to her. This is a tricky situation. Fathers always think Mothers are over-reacting. Your job is to keep your daughter safe. I'd ask your daughter what she wants.