if you are a mom i need some advice...thanks?

Question

I am 14 years old, and I have this boyfriend who is a senior and he's usually really nice. Recently he started pressuring me to do some stuff.he try's to get me to have sex, drink, and sometimes do drugs with him.The worst is when he asks for sex. If I say I'm not in the mood, he just keeps pushing it until I cave in. He's usually really gentle with me around people but when we are alone and I dont want to do something he can get violent. Ive tried to break up with him, but whenever I do that he kisses me and tries to make me happy. Sometimes he even will try for sex right on the spot, I guess so that he can make me happy and i will forget about breaking up.but i honestly dont want to do it.other times he will hit me and say we are gonna stay together.I really do want to break up with him, but im afraid he might hurt me. sometimes he even stays the night, when my parents arent home. i try to keep him out but he finds a way to get in.I have trouble talking to my mom.(continue below)

I really do want to break up with him, but im afraid he might hurt me. sometimes he even stays the night, when my parents arent home. i try to keep him out but he finds a way to get in.I have trouble talking to my mom about stuff like this. I really dont know what to do. i feel like i might be doing something wrong like not pleasuring him enough. i feel like i am being selfish sometimes. You may have read my question before, but now I have a few more details. Since I started going out with this guy, I have had some issues. I am 5'6 and 111 pounds. He tells me all the time that I am fat and now I am starting to believe him. Its like he is playing tricks with my mind. When we started going out about 2 months ago) I weighed 125 pounds, and I was ok with myself. Now I am 14 pounds lighter and I am not happy with myself. I just don't know how to control it. I really do want to break up with him. I just cant. I know I should go tell someone but its hard.

Somehow a girl in my grade knows about this. She tells me that I am a whore or a sl*t because of what I do with him. This just makes it more complicated. Now I really do feel like a whore. I cant live with myself like this

also..if you are a mom what would you say to your kid if they told you this?

Answer 1

ive been in a relationship liek this..get out..im 18..and looking back on it was so wrong!..plz get out and get help!

Answer 2

I am a mother of 3 small children, and my oldest a girl 7 is very intelligent but I still talk to her at least once a week about things her age and just want to secure an established trust so when she does get into the teen years she will feel comfortable talking to me. Even if you don't feel your mom will understand and you feel that you will hurt her feelings by the choices you have made she will be behind you 100 percent we are parents and we give unconditional love and believe me you are right in wanting to end this relationship no good will ever come of it I was in an abusive relationship and trust me they can do all the counseling they say and nothing will change them you have to be strong and leave him refuse calls emails text advise your school counseler do whatever you need to do to make sure you are safe and trust me when i tell you this your mom will understand and she will help you no matter what ,,, Please be safe and take care hon

Answer 3

First of all...let me say that you really need to talk to your mother and father about this and really make them listen to you and if that doesn't work - which it should if they really love you - then find someone else to talk to.Maybe a school counselor,an aunt or cousin and even if it's a friends mom.Go to "HIS" mom and dad and talk to them{but do it when he's not around and make sure he doesn't find out}and if all of that doesn't work then you really need to go to the police and talk to them.Honey,you're only 14 and way too young to be having any kind of physical and sexual relations - with anyone - until your body has matured and ready.I've heard too much of this crap in the news and on talk shows for years now and you really DO NOT want to end up like all the other girls who were in your kind of relationship.You really have to learn how to read guys and understand them.Most guys are so easy to read.They want sex so they tell you that they love you and they kiss you and all of that.Don't fall for it.Believe me,no KID between the ages of 13-17 knows what REAL love is.It's impossible because you're way too imature to know what it feels like.Sure you may think that you can't live without him and your heart will break if you don't see him again but believe me,you will get over it!.Crushes are really what they are not love so PLEASE don't get confused by the two.You're way too young to be even kissing a boy!.Please don't try to grow up so fast.I'm sorry if you get upset or offended by this but you asked and I answered.If you need to talk to me then I'm here.Mel

Answer 4

I'm not a mother but I do know what's going on here. You have gotten yourself into an abusive relationship. This kid is totally taking advantage of you. He thinks that because he's older that he can control you and tell you what to do. You need to get out of the relationship as quickly as possible. Break up with him where he won't be able to hit you or do anything to hurt you.. like at a park where people are somewhat near, or at your house when your mom is home. If you don't do it now, things are only going to get worse. You shouldn't be forced to do things that you do want to do. And if you want to break up with him so badly then you should be able to do that. If he threatens you or stalks you then you're going to have to go to the police and get a restraining order against him so he can't hurt you. Otherwise he could really end up hurting you.

Answer 5

I am a mom now- but I had some of the same experiences when I was a teen- acutally about 14. First- know that I will pray for you. I couldn't really talk to my mom either- really had a rough relationship- but when I was in this situation she really HELPED me. You can talk to your mom about "control" stuff and trying to break up with him without necessarily telling her about sex. If you can't talk to her- find someone you can- a school counselor, your pastor, ect. Ok... how to get rid of him.....

First- break it off with him in public- then LEAVE. Tell him you do not want him to contact you AT ALL. Do not accept his calls, emails, letters nothing.... no communication- this is really important. Next, if y'all go to the same school, change the "way you walk to class" Go a different route. Stay away from him at all cost. Try to walk with friends and don't speak to him if you walk be him.. Try to be with someone during that time.
Keeping your house safe, you can get sticks and put them horizonally in your windows which will keep them from coming open. Also, make sure you keep the doors/windows locked. Leave lights on and give the appearance that lots of people are there. (mine stalked me for a while)

I got a restraining order in my situation and my mom and sister really worked to make sure I wasn't home alone and that I was safe. He really seems "unsafe" to me and if you are having these feelings- TRUST YOUR GUT....
You seem like you are a bright, articulate girl- don't let a bad choice hurt you for a long time, cut your lossed and get out of the relationship.

My prayers are with you.

Answer 6

I have a 16 yr old daughter - and I do really hope that she would try to get help if she was caught like you are. I know you really want out and to be free from this guy - so I pray that you will find someone that will assist you in doing so and bring you back to safer ground. I know at your age you feel guilty cause you know you are doing something wrong and that adults will just start blaming you for your involvement - but is there a teacher, youth pastor, aunt, etc that you would feel confiding in (if not your parents?). Please make an effort to shake this guy.

Answer 7

He WILL hurt you. And you may not know it but he already has severely! I was in an abusive relationship like this one, and you NEED to break up with him. Do it over phone, or through the computer. That way you won't have to deal with him. He's playing head games with you sweetie and it's NOT good! I'm sure you are beautiful, and you deserve a guy that will appreciate you and I believe you will find that someday. But the first step is getting out of this relationship, because you know he's not doing any good for you. Email me and tell me how you're doing

[e-mail]

Amanda

Answer 8

You need to get out now! Talk to your parents about this because you are too young to have to go through it alone. I know you are embarassed and worried that your parents will be upset with you, but the important thing is to keep you safe. If he is getting at all violent, breaking into your house, and generally being controlling, you may have to get a restraining order. Even though it will be tough, you must talk to your mother about this. Don't worry about a girl calling you names: you are not a bad person, you are just in a bad situation. You are probably too young to be in a sexual relationship anyway, but this one is abusive and you have to be mature enough to get out of it. He is bad news and will not change.

Answer 9

I feel as you should talk to a counselor if you don't feel you can speak with your parents. You also have the option of going to the police, b/c if you are 14 yrs old and he's pressuring you to have sex then its quite possible he can go to jail with the laws we have now a days. Honestly you need to tell someone, or you will be one of those girls that ends up on the 6 o clock news saying killed my high school boyfriend.

Answer 10

OH honey loose him NOW!! I am a mother of a 15 year old daughter and a 14 yr old son. You do not deserve this type of behavior from anyone...especially someone who is suposed to care for you!! You are a a young lady with a whole future ahead of you and you do not need someone like this on your life. You sound like a very bright girl with a good head on your shoulders...GET RID OF HIM!! From the sound of it things are only get worse from here. You should never let ANYONE make you feel this way!!

Answer 11

You have to find a way to talk to your parents or someone you trust. If I were your mom I would want you to come to me with this problem or any problem that you are having no matter how large or small. You have to get out of this relationship, but if you think he will hurt you, you have to have help with the situation. You need back-up.