How would you see a persons decision of never having relationships again? Is that a choice one can make?

Question

After some frustrated attempts I have decided to leave behind me the eternal motto of 'keeping on looking for my soul mate" and I have started making arrangements to be single forever. I was worried about that not being right so I went to see a therapish about it, but you know how they are, they wont tell you if something is right or not, they just make more questions and you have the feeling you are wasting your money and getting no where :-( What do you think? could you see a decision of being single forever as a real decision or would you see such person as a 'loser'? Do you think it would just being different from the 'masses' or would it be odd? Of course I dont say I wouldnt date, have sex or have fun, I say I would not have relationships EVER again.

I am 32 just like Philip - and I would be better off if I had kept myself virgin too!!!

Answer 1

I think some people go through this at some point or another. They swear off relationships forever. Then a few years down the road end up coming across mr. right when they weren't looking.

I don't think it's realistic to swear off relationships forever. If one of my friends made that decision I wouldn't call them a "loser".

Answer 2

well my advice is this, lets talk about relationships, sure dating is fun but doesnt stick and if you start to stick maybe that person is not ready for that, sex...wow who doesnt love sex lol, but with too many people they comes the concern of stds and other stuff draws you away from that. a relationship is a lasting committment maybe not all the time by both but thats my definition. so you have been hurt huh and/or you cant find that right man to hit every quality you look for in a relationship. think about your standards as in are they too perfect. just something to think about it, if you answer no to that, how are you looking, are you meeting a guy and automatically telling him that you want a relationship and forever, how about this go out more, venture on different scenes, rediscover yourself , and who you really are. talk with someone who you probably woudnt, not a dirtbag, dont look at men like a book, or a boring book just because we all say sweetheart or we say we will be faithful or call you beautiful doesnt mean we are all alike so take it like that sweetheart i garantee you will be directed onto the right path

Answer 3

That may very well be the way you feel right now... but, life is so funny...! Look, I know a young lady (far too young for me) and I know of four relationships she's had where she had to run away from one, the other was a situation where the police saved her life and the guy is in jail, and the other two were equally as disturbing... she likes "tough" guys not wimps... but,those are the same ones that beat her up. I suggested to her that if she didn't want to be with a drunk, not to look for a boyfriend in a bar... it went over head. Her sister tells me that all her boyfriends are possessive, jealous and real lowlifes... hmmmm....

Meanwhile, another young lady I know, married a very nice man, he was killed in an industrial accident and she met yet another nice man and married. Two out of two in her favor? Hmmmm

We MAKE our choices based on our likes and dislikes without care to possible consequences. Women find their husbands wimpy, nerdy and boring if they are loving, caring, warm-hearted and considerate, and they go out and cheat. They leave good men for exciting ones but find themselves with abusive men that won't trust them or will abuse them... that's what happens when the adventure and excitement ends.

Let me cut this short and get to the root of the situation. You say that your therapist won't tell you what is wrong? Because you are not being honest with your responses. Because the job of the therapist is to MAKE you become AWARE of your own choices and your own mistakes and what you should do and not do... to give you the tools to make independent decisions.

Too often I hear people say, "I'm an independent person," yet everyone around that person doesn't think so. That is not an optimistic person but someone who is delusional. You seem a bit pessimistic; your last disappointment must have been recent... or not in the distant past.

Go back to your therapist and learn more about yourself. It is called introspection, by the way, and the therapist is trained to make sure that you remain on track! How far and fast you progress is equal to the degree of honesty you are willing to invest.

Perhaps you're right... perhaps you epitomize the saying that it is better to be alone than in bad company... but, is that what life is all about? Jumping from one partner to another? What does it say about YOU? Is that the YOU that you REALLY want to be? Do you wish to continue to come home to an empty apartment? Or would you LIKE to share your life with someone else?

The wisest decision would be to go back to therapy, if not with the same therapist with another. Find out what personality faults YOU have that cause you to be in wrong relationships, and you will be happier for it. (Can it be that you're too aggressive or pushy or bossy, or you don't know how to hold your temper in check or you become overly rude...? OR maybe you get tired of the person you're with and you alienate that person with hostility?). Never mind the faults of the others (you don't have to live with them); find your own faults (you have to live with yourself).

Answer 4

how old r u? I think it's very very stupid. I couldn't be alone. That's not my motto or my life, well it is, I have been single all my life. Not pleasant. U can't give up because of 2 attempts and some jackasses. That is really stupid. I would need more details. But if u truly do and not because u want to give up then more power to u if u think u can. But I say they are idiots and will not be happy because I know from experience. Unless u have family friends and maybe kids and/or pets. But even that isn't enough. Life is love. Half is missing. What? That bit makes no sense to me. I wouldn't date, I didn't. Well partly cuz u know which it can be okay but I'd say hell no.

Answer 5

The only relationships I want in my future are "friends w/benefits!!! Had been in a long marriage for 20+yrs. and am now looking forward to living the rest of my life my way with no commitments, that's my CHOICE!!!! Relationships are hard work and constant compromising to keep it working well. Forget the SOUL MATE search.....thats just a bunch of bull$hit some @sshole conjured up to describe their relationship. Just go out with your friends...be yourself,have fun, and if you meet someone that sparks your fires take it slow, get to know them better before thinking about a relationship. Love comes when you don't expect it.So if you are always looking for yourSOUL M ATE it will never find you!!!

Answer 6

if that's the plan, and you do have a plan, you're all right. I like that you're "making arrangements" to be single forever. That's brilliant! Everyone should do that. Few are prepared for it, but many end up on the same road by accident, you know. You're not a loser because you're single. Of course, I don't know you, you could in fact be a loser, but it's not cuz of that. Do your thing!

Don't let the sheep guide you, shepherd.

Flock 'em all!

Answer 7

Hi Rose,

Please try to be at peace with yourself. You don't know what the future holds, and there is no need to set anything in stone. If you think you can be happy being single all your life, then that's great, but don't turn your soul mate down if they do show up just because of some rule you made up for your life. In five years your life may be very different from how it is now.

ML

Answer 8

I know some people who have chosen not to get married or have a boyfriend...and for some people, that's their "calling". Not everyone needs to get married. I don't think of them as losers, either, and there's nothing wrong with being 'different'.

Of course, these people often don't *care* about relationships, either. Are you happy being single? If you are, there's no reason why you shouldn't be. But if you aren't, then maybe what you really need is just a break and time to think.

Answer 9

How do you "make arrangements" to be single forever? I won't know that I will be "single forever" until I'm dead. You never know when you might meet someone you might want a relationship with. Of course, you could CHOOSE not to be in a relationship.
I have the opposite problem. I think I might end up single forever, but not by choice.

Answer 10

My aunt is 82 and never married. She seems happy.

If you are going to be forever single simply because you are bitter at life, then I think that you will never be happy.

If I were you, I would keep looking, but be indifferent as to whether you find the right one or not. The process of meeting new people can be fun in of itself, as long as you don't put pressure on yourself to be married by some artifical deadline. It either happens or it doesn't -- treat it as no big deal either way and you will be happier (if you are desperate to get married, that scares people off, so that might partically explain why you are having trouble).