did not like sex......and you were very passionate. I have a friend in that situation and he is thinking o f an affair. whatha think
2006-09-05 08:17:55 · 13 answers · asked by Oceanbreeze 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your friend seriously needs to consider talking with his wife about non-monogamy – either swinging or polyamory. You say his wife does not like sex, and I’m sure this is what he (and even she herself) believes, but I am willing to bet that her lack of sex drive is a combination of commitment to the concept of monogamy, and a lack of sexual interest in HIM. If they were to talk about non-monogamy, and if she were willing to experiment with other men (or perhaps women!) she would probably discover that her sex drive is rekindled. I know, both from personal experience and from psychological theory, that this can happen (in fact it is the most likely thing to happen). And perhaps the most interesting thing of all is that the general rekindling of her sex drive can lead to a renewed interest in her husband. I’ve personally seen this happen as well.
I’m also going to add a few critical pieces of advice for any man who finds himself in this situation:
1) DO NOT CHEAT!!! This leads to a great deal of unnecessary pain and makes everything horribly complicated.
2) DO NOT go to your wife and say “Honey, I know you don’t like sex anymore, so would you mind if I has sex with other women?” This is NOT a smart approach. What you need to do is seriously think first and foremost about your wife’s well-being. You need to find a way to make HER happy. So go to her and suggest something like this: “Honey, I know you don’t have much interest in sex anymore, and I think it is probably because you are just bored. Would you like to try having sex with other men, or women? I really want you to be happy, and I’m willing to stay faithful to you while you play with some other people to see if this reawakens your sex drive. If it works, then maybe you and I can start having sex again.”
3) BE PATIENT! Let her be the first to explore non-monogamy. Don’t insist on equal rules in the beginning. You are laying the groundwork for an amazing new era your marriage, but it will take time to build confidence and adjust to the idea of non-monogamy. If she knows that you are serious about what you are offering, she will almost certainly be willing to let you explore sex with other women, even if such a thought seem impossible to her in the beginning.
4) Start hanging out in Yahoo adult groups and other places where swingers and polyamorous people meet and talk. There are a zillion different ways to be responsibly and respectfully non-monogamous, so you will need to find a set of ground rules that will ultimately work best for both of you. Explore non-monogamous lifestyles and discuss possible arrangements that might work. The key to any successful relationship – especially non-monogamous relationships – is building and maintaining trust and open communication. You need to understand each other and trust each other if any enjoyable form of long term relationship is going to work. This is why my first bit of advice was to avoid cheating. As you can imagine, starting off on the wrong foot in this fashion would make a successful transition to non-monogamy extremely difficult to achieve.
2006-09-05 08:21:55 · answer #1 · answered by eroticohio 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I believe they should seek counseling, evidently there is a problem with her not liking sex. There may be some issues that he isn't aware of, mental issues or even a medical problem. They need to communicate. That's the key, and counseling will help you do just that, it could be something they could fix, somewhere there is a reason she does not like it. Did she like it at first and then just stop or has she always not enjoyed it. That is a very deep problem that can't be discussed in this limited format. Just my opinion....
2006-09-05 09:09:36 · answer #2 · answered by Little Stevie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid I might have to divorce her, and find a new wife. I could never betray my vows . An affair, the guilt would eat me up inside.
2006-09-05 08:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Feelgood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he tried to romance, his wife all over again? if that does not work, then tell him for he and his wife go to the doctor, it may be a hormone problem, and the doctor can give her a pill for it. but watch out, he may not be able to handle her.(smile)
2006-09-05 08:24:12 · answer #4 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can always pay for it to satisfy himself. Problem solved! Thank way there is no posiblilty of a relationship afterwards, or feelings too.
2006-09-05 08:21:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is ouch. He might need to find a new girl friend
2006-09-05 08:21:12 · answer #6 · answered by ukfansc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for him.
I wouldn't suggest cheating, but he needs to remind his wife of her "marital duties".
2006-09-05 08:20:58 · answer #7 · answered by personal_trainer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
id have sex with her when she is asleep or just have an affair.
2006-09-05 08:21:16 · answer #8 · answered by Daddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she isn't going to give it up he needs to go elsewhere. He needs to talk about it with her though.
2006-09-05 08:52:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my friend is in the same situation, he is really torn
2006-09-05 08:31:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋