I asked this question b4. I found out the reason behind it after talking 2 him. He's White,Catholic & lives with his parents. I am East Indian, 34 & Catholic. He's been living with them most his adult life. About 2 & half years ago he found a steady job. Before that he's been going 2 school & working off & on. So he wasn't able 2 pay rent to them. Now he takes care of some of their bills & even bought them a brand new car when they already had a car. He does alot of work around the house for them. Since he travels alot for his work sometimes his dad pays his bills & deposits his paycheck when he's away. So he has their name on his account. When this became an issue & I asked him about it & he said it's been that way for years & why should he change it now & Bank will screw up if he tries to change it. Now he says he will not put money in that acct after we get married. He said when his folks got 2 AZ for winter he will pay their bills.He said his mail will still go 2 their home.
2006-09-05 07:40:21 · 23 answers · asked by cluelesschickus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have you been engaged very long? It's wonderful that he's so close to his parents, but he needs to realize that YOU are his new family, and he owes loyalty to you too. It's not that he should automatically do everything you want, but that he should give your concerns and requests serious consideration, trying to understand their importance to you. It sounds like he still needs to make this commitment to you. The fact that his mail will go to their house indicates that - it seems like you'll always play a far second best in his life. You need to find a way to work this out, or it will haunt you for your whole married life. See if you can sit down by yourself and really define why these things bother you, and then sit with him and share the reasons with him. Get him to acknowledge your feelings, the effect of his actions on you. If you can do that, I hope it will open his eyes to how he is making you feel, and I hope he will be able to make the changes you are looking for. Be prepared for both eventualities, though, and know how you'll deal with them both. Good luck to you!
2006-09-05 07:47:32 · answer #1 · answered by Mary C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is scary on so many levels. First... just because his parents are his next of kin and on his account and paying bills for him while he travels as a SINGLE guy... once he gets married, YOU are the next of kin, YOU should be on the account and YOU can pay his bills while he travels.
Hard to believe there are men who are sill going to school and only working "on and off" at age 35??? He only got a steady job two years ago at age 35??? Yikes... I have a 24 year old who is still a part time student working on a criminal justice degree, he works full time as a retail sales manager, he drives a nice car, owns his own home (bigger and nicer than mine!) and he's not even out of college yet! He's just ambitious... and I'm very grateful for his ambition at this moment.
This guy needs to get automatic deposit at work, pay bills by internet using a laptop while he's traveling, take his parent names off of the account except in the event of his death (survivorship account), keep on having his mail go to their house until they die and you should run screaming from the room at the whole situation.
Read what's all over the place in front of you. He does not plan to have you as an equal partner, he does not trust you with his finances, he still plans to have his MAIL go there AFTER you're married???? I will tell you something that some folks will get irked about, you might too... but some men will marry East Indian gals because they believe they can mow right over them as in many Eastern cultures women are often passive or more than a bit dominated by the men.
Do not be a doormat for this clown. He doesn't think you're capable of writing a check for him while he travels. And he plans to keep you away from his MAIL? HUGE red flags, run screaming from the room and find a man who will respect you and trust you and see you for the capable woman you truly are.
2006-09-05 07:53:15 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is like the sixth time you've posted the same question...though with a different explaination each time. What gives? You've had a lot of good answers, easily summed up: you need to talk to him, don't marry him until you've got things worked out. Your repeated posting of this question makes me think that you don't really care what advice people give you, that you're just looking for someone to finally tell you that it's ok to go ahead and marry. If that's the reason you keep posting then i suggest you don't ask for our opinions. I posted this answer last time: "I think you need to tell him to cut loose the apron strings. He's 37 years old...old enough to let go of his parents' hands. I can understand that when he was single, his parents had access to his account to make sure that his bills got paid on time while he traveled, but you two are getting married...it should be just you and him....you'll be there to take care of any bills when he's gone." While it's nice that you two finally talked, I still think you need to reconsider marrying the guy as he seems like he will ALWAYS be a mama's boy. Changing the names on the account is not going to cause the bank to mess up his account. I'm sure they've performed the same service many times before. He's just looking for an excuse. If you "luv him alot," then go ahead and marry him...but you'll be in for a lot of drama after.
2016-03-26 23:11:46 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, can't his parents pay their own bills??? He's 37 years old!! Do his parents have health issues? It's sound like the parents can't cut the cord. RUN girl RUN. The first red flag should have been he's 37 and living with his parents. Age race and religion have nothing to do with this. There are millions of people out there going to school and living on their own. It's called grants, loans, scholarships. There's help. My uncle went to school until well into his 30's, but he hasn't lived with the parents since he very first started college. He's done fine for himself. I think your fiance is lazy and doesn't want to step up to the plate and be a man on his own. Mommy and daddy still control him and it sounds like he likes it that way.
When you two get married what's wrong with you taking over the bills when he is out of town? A married couple should share everything including the finances, but only with each other. NOT the parents!!! He can still have a good relationship with his parents, he doesn't need them to hold his hand 24/7.
2006-09-05 07:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bank won't screw anything up, he is just afriad of change. He cares alot for his parents obviously and they have depended on each other for a long time, but if he is going to get married, he needs to relize that his priorotites are changing and they involve you now. If it's a situation that won't change, you'll have to live with it until they pass away. Is that something you are willing to do?
2006-09-05 07:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought you already had problems with his parents. I remember answering a question from a girl who fiance lives with his parents and did for the two of you to show affection for each other. You need to just sit down with him and his parents, tell them how you feel and that you are not comfortable with then having access to his account. You need to be honest, that is the only way to have a relationship. It is not going to get any better until you step up for yourself. It doesn't sound like he is going to stand up for you, so do it for yourself.
2006-09-05 07:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by sdarp1322 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is it written that married folks have to have a joint bank account?
IF this is an issue for you then why can't you have your own SEPARATE accounts? That way he can continue the way he has been and your money will be safe as well.
2006-09-05 08:08:34 · answer #7 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me he is stuck on mommy and daddy, he has alot of growning up to do before he gets married. Though he might still be a good person, lay down the law, a marriage takes two!!!!
2006-09-05 07:44:58 · answer #8 · answered by denise r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a good sign if you ask me. Something is not right. If his parents name is on it that means you cant ever get half of it in a divorce. He wants to keep everything he had before marrying you separate. Not good for you at all.
2006-09-05 07:44:25 · answer #9 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might want to rethink the whole business. A 37 year old man who still lives with his parents and is so attached to them and dependent on them doesn't sound as if he is ready for marriage. I'd look further afield if I were you.
2006-09-05 07:52:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋