Should I put this relationship behind me?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while. Recently (two months ago) our relationship turned into a long distance one for an indefinite period of time due to our jobs. Things (in my eyes) had been going great. I’m proud of her, and I have no problem trusting her. However, recently, she said she does not want an exclusive relationship because our time apart is indefinite and we are not married. But she still wants to develop our relationship and be together when she comes back. Although it hurts, I know I have to let her go, but I don’t think I can still develop our relationship. If I am to let her go, I have to put it behind me and not allow myself to hope for a relationship in the future. I know this from experience. Previously I spent way too much time (years) waiting on a relationship that was over, and it caused me a lot of heartache and wasted time. I don’t want to do that to myself again. I really do love this woman and thought I might marry her when she got back. I know a complete end to our romantic relationship is not what she wants, but I know it’s the only way I can let us be non-exclusive. Should I let her date other people while still developing our relationship, or should I make a clean break and put it behind me completely?

Answer 1

Honey, I understand how you feel.

Ask yourself if you could handle her dating other guys, but still being with you.

You probably hate the idea, right?

A clean break would probably be easier.

That way, you would be able to start fresh and not worry about when she's coming home and if you're "together" or not.

It would save you at least a little of that heartache.

Answer 2

It doesn't really seem fair to me. I think if you were in an exclusive relationship and were planning a future together, that she should make the effort to keep the relationship going while you are apart. It is very possible to stay commited and make a relationship grow during a LDR. I am in one now. If he was to tell me he wanted to see other people, I would let him go, because I love him and would not be able to deal with him being with other people. Just like if she loved you she should not be able to deal with the thought of another woman being with you. Maybe she is not sure where she is in this relationship right now, or where she wants to be. I would let her go for now and do your own thing. If in the future, your paths cross again and you are both single, go for it. But dont put yourself in a situation where you are the dummy sitting and waiting for a girl who may never come back. Good luck

Answer 3

It would be very hard to develop a loving relationship when it is open and non-exclusive. There would be no reason to place intimacy on the front-burner between each other, when there are other options. Relationships require intimacy on all levels to be able to progress beyond simple dating into something more loving and caring.

If you want to wait it out you can, but don't go into denial that being open and non-exclusive after being committed to one another before will not change things. Things will be changed forever and will take time once she returns the same place you do - for them to change and grow again, trust would have to be rebuilt that she would not want to just go off on her own again.

Answer 4

Sounds like she is keeping her options open. You should do the same. Seems like she wants the best of both worlds. Free to date other men, and still have a 'relationship' with you. You should talk to her, and if she still feels the same about the situation, then you should cut it off. I know its going to be hard, but you can't put your life on hold, because your waiting for some one. Like the saying goes: Whats meant to be, will always be. And if you do decide to do this, it may click in to her that she had some thing great.

Answer 5

The message is:

I'm successful and in another city and want to have fun and meet new people so go right ahead and get on with your life, Honey because I'm not guaranteeing you anything. Get It,, RGP.

Also, don't think for a minute that you are LETTING HER do anything. You don't have that power. Make a clean break and stay friendly. Someday your spouses and kids will vacation together.

Answer 6

Once you have been physically intimate with someone, it's next to impossible to go back to allowing her/him to date others and still continue a relationship. I say sever ties (at least for now, one never knows what the future may hold) and allow yourself the freedom to be with others. If fate brings you back together someday, fine, if not, you will not feel as if you've wasted part of your life.

Answer 7

Well you should tell her about marriage and having a life together....then tell her that if she wants to date other people that you are not the kind of person willing to share. Either date other people and end it with me or stay together and get married.

Answer 8

So basically she wants to date other people but still build a relationship with you. That does not make sense. Do you get to date other people too? I would end it. Dragging out the inevitable is torture. She clearly doesn't want to be in a relationship with you so end it. Why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Answer 9

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Answer 10

If she does not want an exclusive relationship, she probably either has her sights set on someone else or is looking. You should break up with her, instead of setting yourself up for disappointment.