I Want to make This Work?

Question

I'm going through a really tough time with my boyfriend. He cheated and now he says he'll change. We've really talked about this, a lot. And I thought we could make it work... now, I find out after he promised not to drink for a while that he went and drank and tried to pay chiks to flash him. Is that not the most pethedic thing?? And I love him so much and he doesn't get home from work until 5. Is this worth saving? I really really love him, if he wants to work on the relationship, I'm willing to give him another chance. I'm telling him we're going on a break but should I end it? And what if I do? We are living together and we've been together for 3 and 1/2 years. This is the love of my life, I don't want ot loose him because of a rough patch in the relationship. Any suggestions other than dump him and forget him? I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. I'm really loosing it.

Answer 1

Hon,I just came out of a relationship that was similar to yours. He cheated and when he got drunk he would jsut call girls and he had an extremely violent temper. He siad he would change, but honey, the cheating will never stop. They cheated once and they cheat again. It sounds like you are in an ill-fated relationship. I know you have the strength to leave him, he does not love you. he is taking you for granted and has no respect for you. I don't think that someone that loves you would do the things he's doing. Get out of it now, dont' spend years of being miserable. This is what OPRAH SAID that i found so true!
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses
for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save
you from heartache. Stop
trying to change yourself for a relationship
that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what
makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't
mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then
he
probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get
better."
You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of
different
women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,
speak up.
Never let a man know everything.
He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior.
Change comes from
within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you
are...
even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat
on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...
compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...
there is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should
never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make
him
miss you sometimes...
when a man always know where you are, and
you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't
fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that
you
need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share
this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make
someone
smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget
them.

Answer 2

O.K. sweety i feel your pain i know its hard
but you only want to hear what YOU want to hear and sometimes thats not the best for you. I understand that you love him but maybe the reason why u are staying with him is because you have been living with him for 3 years and some months and are afraid get out of your comfort zone? if he lied before and promised to change then u caught him again... he obviosly does not treasure you or your feelings. When anyone REALLY loves someone they cant even look at another person without thinking of the person they love. would you have done what he did to you? if he doesnt think or feel the same way you feel for him forget him girlie you are better than that, there are great guys out there for you that will line up to marry you in a second do not settle for something that does not SHOW you respect and respect should be shown to one another up front and most importantly when you are away from each other

Answer 3

I agree that he tries to get away with stuff because he knows you love him so much. But, the best thing to do is talk firmly to him. Tell him that even-though you love him very much, you don't want to continue this way. And even though it's going to be hard, but that you might have to part your ways. Now pay attention to his reaction. If he says fine ! and walks away, then you know he's using you and is trying to make you come after him. If he tries to sweet talk you and say he's sorry and won't do it again, then tell him as a sign you will see how it turns for the next month or so. Keep him on his toes. And if he really, really loves you, he will see that you are serious and that you won't take it anymore and hopefully change.

Good luck !

Answer 4

I know loving someone is really hard because you put all your love and trust in there, but now your bf is taking advantage of you because you are being way to nice and lenient to him... The only thing you doing is end up hurting yourself even more... This man is not going to change for you... If he really do love you, he will not do things that will hurt you yet he cheated on you and now paying big bucks to flash him.. Does it sound like he's trying no.. Please put it behind and find a better person... He is not worth it...

Answer 5

LOOKING AT THE SITUATION CAREFULLY what i find out is that you now have two roads and you can travel on only one of them.One is simple and straight- ditch him loose all your worries. The second one is a tough one.Ask yourself -do you love him so much that even after his every fault you can forgive and with your love bring about a change in him? If the answer is yes the go on with it till the end. If no choose the first path.

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to have a stern talk to the boyfriend. You now have to make a tough decision. If you take him back, you need to put him on the short leash. If he goes out and gets overly drunk. If he even looks at another chick that isn't related to him. God forbid he touches them and he is gone.

Aside from that, you may want to end it right now. I don't know what your side of the story is, but it sounds like you are doing your end of the relationship and he is coming up short. If you keep giving him chance after chance, you are merely being strung along for his ride.

Answer 7

Girl...? I think you already lost it - your self-respect, I mean... Try looking at the situation as though it was someone you didn't even know... Re-read your story and ask yourself: Why should that girl expect this guy to change? He said he'll change and oh yeah, he did: now he PAYS girls to flash him...?!? Nice change...? I think not... "A rough patch in the relationship..." Puh-leeze...!
Where will it all end...? What does he have to do to get you out of his life...? C'mon... WAKE UP...!
The relationship ended without either of you knowing it...

Answer 8

I've been in the same boat, and I'm all for second chances, I just wouldn't pull that guard down for a while. Give him a chance, see if he makes an extreme effort and if not, let it go, if he is going to change, you will see it right away and just hope he stays with it. if he goes back to his ways, leave him, sure sign he will NEVER change if he didn't wake up the first time.

Answer 9

First thing, you got to get rid of the bottle!! Alcohol can be a cruel mistress. There isn't any room in the relationship for you. Booze has taken your place. When he is waisted he has no conscience. He doesnt care who he hurts as long as he gets his kicks or shows his buddies he's cool. So dont get rid of the boyfriend get rid of the bottle. Get him into intervention. You need to contact Alcoholics Anonymous. They have programs for the victims of alcohol that will help you understand what is going on and how to cope with it. They can help you even if he isnt ready for their help.

Answer 10

Did you ever ask him , Why, he cheats? you said the two of you talk, does he want to save this relationship and go for counseling? If he is not going to make an effort to be truthful to you, you have to move on, it is better to know now, how he is then later. So be strong and do what you have to do, for your own sanity. You deserve to be happy, so find someone who only wants you.