I have a young niece who was born with a birth defect that made one arm shorter than the other, with the shorter arm also missing a thumb. I constantly see kids approaching her and flat out staring at her and asking inappropriate questions. One little girl actually stood there and counted my niece's fingers and felt the need to point out the shortage. It bothers me to witness these things. My niece seems to take it in stride but sometimes I wish I could really tell these children they are being rude. What is the best approach?
Many times these kids' parents are also there and the parents never bother to correct them. What to do?
2006-09-05 07:31:22 · 16 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
What age are these kids? They might just be curious, not inappropriate.
2006-09-05 07:34:36 · answer #1 · answered by Billy! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let it bother you. Children are naturally curious, and do not have the life experience to know how to handle that which appears different from the norm, whether it's an inanimate object, an unfamiliar animal or a human with visible differences such as those of your niece.
I also would not be too hard on the parents - they realize that asking questions regarding the obvious is how children learn. Only if the parent encourages physical abuse would I react - and then I'd slap the crap out of 'em! Or call the cops - even if it's a child that actually assaults another child, the parent is ultimately responsible and can be held liable.
2006-09-05 14:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if they are being rude, step in an take charge of the situation. Talk to the parents and inform them their child's comments made your niece uncomfortable. If they are just being curious, such as counting her fingers, then let it be. Kid's are very forward and definitely have an art for telling it like it is. But, I personally would rather someone be forward with them than stare and point and laugh.
I'm sure you are very protective of your niece and worry about protecting her, but some things you have to let her deal with herself. If I were you I would make sure she knows you love her and how beautiful she is.
2006-09-05 14:50:23 · answer #3 · answered by MissMenu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this question: How many times have you approached a child and asked a question? This could be in line at the grocery, at a family gathering, etc. The question or comment was most likely very innocent. "What grade are you going to be in now?" "Ready for school to start?" "That's a really cute bear you have." Asking questions is part of human nature and necessary for social interaction.
After an accident I used a wheelchair. I much preferred kids coming up to me and asking what was wrong with my legs than a well-meaning parent pulling them away from me like I had the plague. Rather than telling our children not to ask, we should talk about why people are different.
Your niece has probably made a few friends at school or on the playground as a result of her taking it all in stride.
2006-09-05 15:02:54 · answer #4 · answered by Doe 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Kids with abnormal formations will always be reason for staring for younger kids. Kids are naturally curious and very blunt, so the only think to avoid them would be to shelter your niece from other kids. The downside of this is that at some point in her life she will HAVE to realize she's different and will have to go through the entire self-acknowledgement later on in life. I would advise you to expose her to kids' questions and staring, but explain to her that the fact that she's physically different doesn't mean she's inferior to other kids, simply different. The parents of the other kids, on their part, should explain to their kids that your niece is different, but should be treated as if she were the same as them.
2006-09-05 14:37:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree, let your niece handle it as she will. Anything you could say regarding the situation would only bring more attention to your niece's differences, leading her to further discomfort. Children and adults will have curiosity, and it will pass, but they won't forget what they see as "rude" behavior by someone telling them that what they are doing is wrong. It is our differences that make us special, and it seems your niece is already confident in the fact that's she's a very special person! =)
2006-09-05 14:39:59 · answer #6 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children do not do this to be rude, they do this because they are curious. If they learn that the other child is just like them even though she looks a little different, it's a good learning experience for BOTH kids.
It's much less rude than adults who just STARE and then quickly look away and ignore the person when they are caught. At least the children are honest!
2006-09-05 15:43:31 · answer #7 · answered by americanwoman22309 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is the parents who are at fault for their behavior and I'd certainly take it up with them quietly so as not to make your niece uncomfortable. Sorry, people can be horribly ignorant.
2006-09-05 16:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of the situation...kids handle these things very matter-of-factly, as you have noticed your niece doing. Anything you do will make matters worse at this point. She is learning how to cope with this at her own speed.. I understand your concern, but consider that she has lived with this her entire life and is accustomed to this...things like this fade as kids age, and it serves a very useful purpose while it is happening. Your neice does not feel this as you do. Again, stay out of it.
2006-09-05 14:36:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Be polite but firm and quietly tell the clueless parents that THEY not their children, are being rude (children don't know any better.)
However, if it doesn't bother your niece, then don't worry about it - but ask her to be sure, she may just be putting up a brave front.
2006-09-05 14:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by BOOM 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hey
these kids are just kids
and their parents are just ignorant...
i am doctor
and when i was in medical school- first year
i had gone to the beach
when i saw a couple with hardly a 6mnth old kid , with a earpiece..
out of medical curiostiy did i look at the child a little longer
till the mother sent a angry glare at me....
i understand ur situation
these people are not willingly being rude.
they are just curious,,,,
and if they are not cracking jokes and teasin ur neice
then its a good thing..
when ur neice will grow old even 100 yrs , still then- will stranger come and ask "why is her hand like this,,?"
2006-09-05 15:20:22 · answer #11 · answered by pagolpakhi 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋