I've dated an almost perfect girl for 3 years: brilliant, successful, charming... but she's about 100 pounds overweight. She's naturally very pretty; I wouldn't mind if she slimmed down (she'd be a total fox), but she's still quite attractive.
However, at least 25% of the time we go out, someone shouts something mindbogglingly rude at her. "Fat people suck!" "Look at the size of that b****," that sort of thing. It doesn't seem to faze her, but I get very pissed off... and, I'm embarrassed to say, ashamed to be seen with her. I'd rather not go out in public with her anymore... odds are good that she'll be teased and I'll look like a terrible boyfriend for not rushing into a crowd of teenagers and decking one of them.
I've tried dieting and exercising with her, encouraging her gently, everything a caring boyfriend can do, but I know it's up to her. Am I a horrible person for feeling like this? What else can I do but accept that I'm head-over-heels for a girl that people ridicule?
2006-09-05 05:49:58 · 65 answers · asked by rundammitrun 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow, I didn't expect this many answers. And I didn't expect to have so many people think I'm a douchebag.
Just to clear it up, I've never been remotely negative about her weight to her or to anyone else, I've stood up for her whenever possible, and I've tried to be the type of boyfriend this amazing woman deserves. I admire her toughness, but I hate the feeling that I'm going to be expected to defend her honor whenever we go out... especially when she just wants me to walk away. It's emasculating.
2006-09-05 06:02:56 · update #1
Don't allow others stupidity effect your relationship .. you love her and that is all that counts in the end. Truthfully everyone looks change with time .. but nothing can change the love you share with your girlfriend. Needless to say, there is nothing you can do to motivate your girlfriend to lose weight .. that is something that she needs to be ready to do for herself. Just be supportive of that and maybe talk to her about losing weight for her own health. If you plan on getting married, losing weight will help increase the possibility.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-05 05:53:38 · answer #1 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whenever I see a guy dating a very overweight girl, I can't help but to automatically assume how good of a person he is for not being superficial. I believe you should learn to accept your girlfriend for how she currently is. If her overweightness continues to make you embarrassed to be seen with her, maybe you should leave her. It is harder on her to be with someone that is embarrassed about her. Don't be embarrassed, be proud that you are a good person who loves this girl for how she is now. That is love. No matter how hard you try to prod her to diet/exercise, it won't do anything but potentially make her feel unsexy ( something you really don't want). You're right, it is totally her decision. If she is not healthy and her lifestyle is what makes her overweight, simply tell her that you want her to live a long time with you so you can be with her for as long as possible. (That's what I tell my husband when he tries to drink a thousand cans of pop-and I really mean it when I say it). Maybe even try making it a thing to go on "romantic walks" at night when it's nice out; the light workout might make her crave more, you never know. But, in the end, the only thing you have the power to do is accept her and love her. And you are not a horrible person for feeling like this, just human. What makes the human race so great is that we can overcome our human nature. Don't avoid the public, even if it can be cruel, take it head on. Ignore the comments, a confrontation might embarrass her more. Only confront if the comments are blatant enough or threatening. Hope this helps. I'd like to see you stay and deal with your situation.
2006-09-05 06:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by zosoo7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should take pride in having such a gorgeous, smart, fun, loving, strong woman on your arm. I know she's strong because she doesn't let those stupid remarks get to her. That's because she's better than that and she knows it. Those idiots saying stupid things are the ugly ones. So much time is spent on ridiculing peoples outward appearances while no one spends the time getting to really know that person on the inside. You sound like a damn wonderful man and she is very lucky to have you. I understand you wanting her to lose weight...for healths sake. Talk to her about how you want to be able to do all sorts of things with her and have her around for many, many years to come. She already knows you love her for her so she should know you're not saying it because you don't find her attractive. Tell her you care so much about her and your relationship that you want to help her become healthier. If you love her, keep her. Don't allow anyone to make you think differently. And please...don't waste anymore time being ashamed of taking her in public...Do you realize how many people have a signifigant other with a "perfect" body along with either rocks for brains or such a horrible personality that when they open their mouth you can't stand to be around them. We have one life...don't live yours according to what others think..what makes you happy doesn't always make others happy and who cares anyways?! When you're old and gray and look back on your life you don't want to regret giving up the most beautiful, wonderful woman because others didn't approve of her. Oh, and you're not going to look like a terrible boyfriend if you don't go rushing in to deck someone who has said something....you're gonna look like a mature, loving boyfriend when you just pick your head up a little higher, squeeze her hand a little tighter and walk right on by them. Good luck...I hope you make the right decision :)
2006-09-05 06:06:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sound's like she's not the one with the problem. If you have been with her for 3 count them 3 years then you knew she was overweight when you got together. It seems that at first you had the right idea that it is the person you like or live and not what they look like. But over time something has happened to you as a person. If she seems ok with herself why can't you be. I know it makes you mad that people are so rude and you are right to be mad, but look they don't know you or her, and isn't it fear of the unknown and ignorance that make people do or say things that aren't nice? Now has she been to a doctor to see if there is any medical issues that could be keeping her at her current weight? Go and get things like that checked first. You also can't just exercice, you need to change eatin habits too. So if your eating for EX. CoCo Puffs in the morning, then having a Big Mac with fries and a coke, and then maybe a candy bar or chips as a snack, and then dinner who knows...That isn't good for yourself. Portions are also a big factor. One serving is the size of the palm of you hand.
Watch the movie SiperSize Me. I learned alot and maybe seeing a educational movie like that will help also .
Good Luck!
2006-09-05 06:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by wiazardofoz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, it must bother you a significant amount. I mean not just the other people who are heckling your girlfriend. You must also feel concern about her appearance regardless of others. I don't think you are a horrible person for feeling like this.
You also have a good reason to be concerned. If she is 100 pounds overweight..she is unhealthy. People who are morbidly obese need to lose weight for health reasons...she is at a much greater risk for heart disease and other ailments. You should suggest you both go and exercise to together seriously..because..you want to spend more time with her..and possibly fear that she could die young. It is a true health risk. This may get her angry..but if you tell her your true concerns..I think she should understand if you reassure her that you love her. It has to be a strong commitment on both of your parts. Start off by walking everyday with her and reducing caloric intake and increasing fruit/vegetable intake. She need not lose all 100 lbs but at least 50lbs to be somewhat healthy.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 05:58:27 · answer #5 · answered by Mav17 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no such thing as a perfect girl.
How much do looks really matter? Unfortunately, our society (especially the media) pressures females to "look" a certain way, which leads to eating disorders, depression, and other disorders.
If she is great on the inside, then keep her. Would you prefer a beautiful person that is mean? Overweight people are used to being teased, but that does not make it right to tease other people. If you're ashamed to be seen with her, that says it all.
2006-09-05 05:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by dawnsakura 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a horrible person. In fact, you are a terrific guy for helping her out and even admitting that perhaps you might have to accept the fact that she is overweight.
My concern would be the state of her health rather than all the insults she is exposed to.
Why not just start going bike riding and lots of walking around the track at the local high school. Maybe that might help.
Try yogurt for breakfast w/fruit
Turkey and swiss on lavash bread at lunch
A sensible dinner
These things in combination can help shed the pounds.
2006-09-05 05:57:43 · answer #7 · answered by Angela 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People are extremely rude these days. If you love this girl there is NO reason to apologize for that. Assuming she wants to be helped in the area of her weight, the first place to start is with her physician to make sure there is no metobolic reason for her weight problem and to get his/her OK for a weight loss regimen. The next step would be to find a program in which she can find success. The most successful program is still Weight Watchers (also the most balanced nutitionally), however success has been found with LA weight loss, Jennie Craig, and NutriSystem. I would sit down with her and find out if this is what she is willing to commit to and then I'd go with her. This can be a win-win for both of you (sounds like you and her have won already regardless).
2006-09-05 05:57:16 · answer #8 · answered by snddupree 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You said you are head over heels in love with her, so I don´t see why you should break up. You are not a horirble person, and I can see why you are concerned about this. 100 pounds overweight is a lot, and can easily develop into something more serious like diabetes or heart disease. I think you should explain this to her and encourage her to diet and work out.
2006-09-05 06:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by Green-Eyed Gal 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
go to dance classes or go on bike rides. Talk to your girl and tell her that she is perfect but you're worried for her health. That is the most important thing, her health and how she feels about herself. Ask her what she would enjoy doing and do it together.100 pounds is a lot of excess weight and I think you need to make her realise how good she will feel when she's a little FITTER not THINNER.Most people are pretty ignorant but I say it's not how slim you are, it's how fit you are,
2006-09-06 02:42:34 · answer #10 · answered by tinysbm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋