she is out of control... She constatly ridiculs, badgers and name calls my two sons ages 16 and 8. She calls them out at family or social gatherings with name calling (gay, fag, retard, phsyco etc) pushing, hitting etc. My sons have been taught never to hit a female period. Nor would I ever tolorate bullying, name calling etc. Therefore, my sons are wondering how to handle these situations with her?
We all live together he has 4 daughters, I have 2 sons (we have lived together for just a couple months) We have had family discussions and approached these situations to no avail? I am at a lost as to what to do? I love my fiancee but my children come first? I have tried to speak with him about disapline but he thinks the situation is being over dramatized, he thinks it is normal child bickering? Never have my children been this abuse to each other or other children. Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I wrong?
2006-09-05 04:54:52 · 18 answers · asked by zabra2boys 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I should add that, I believe it is wrong for me to disipline his children and vise versa. However, they are to be taught that they are to respect us both regardles of which is the biological parent.
2006-09-05 05:00:54 · update #1
Have you ever heard of CUT-***. I think not. You need to discipline this child before he ruins you marriage
2006-09-05 04:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don´t you take her and the whole family for family counseling. Check your local area and see where it is available. Maybe she does not like you because she was the baby or the oldest and you stole her daddy. So now she is taking out on you. I knew someone who had a teenager and she was 15 having sex with an 18 year old, but when the stepfather reported it, she blew up. It is hard combining two family together and having them live in harmony. Good luck
2006-09-05 05:02:50 · answer #2 · answered by thebulktiny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider family counseling. It will likely be the only way to make it work. She's out of control and has to have some boundaries. Usually when children lash out like this, it's because of an internal problem. She is having some emotional problems of some kind. She may need individual counseling. She's screaming for attention. Get her some help. Good Luck!
2006-09-05 04:58:53 · answer #3 · answered by noneofyourbizwax 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stepparenting is very difficult and I would never do it again (I married a guy with custody of his 4 daughters and raised them for 12 years). If I could give any advice to myself back then, besides "don't do it! Run for your life!", it would be to chill out, worry about what your kids are doing, and let him worry about his kids. It's just too much stress and bother to try to change somebody else's kids, and it's really not worth the effort.
Your soon-to-be stepdaughter will be fine if you let your husband and her mother make all of the decisions, and trust me when I say you'll be much better off without all the stress.
If she doesn't live with you, have your kids handle her abuse the same way they would handle it if one of your friends' kids was doing it (ie turn the other cheek and wait for her to go away). If she does live with you, then you need to make it very clear to your fiance that you consider her behavior to be abusive, and that you aren't in a position to discipline her or decide what method he will use, but that he must make her stop or you will not intervene if your boys choose to defend themselves. If your fiance doesn't fix the matter, then you can turn a blind eye to your boys' solution to the problem or choose to leave the relationship.
2006-09-05 05:19:38 · answer #4 · answered by farmgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are planning to get married, you better get used to the fact that you both should be disiplining each others kids. You will be a stepmother and that gives you full right, as well as him, to disipline his daughter. You dont have to be hateful, but you do have to teach them right from wrong.
I dont think youre wrong...I think he needs to get control of his kid, she sounds mean. I would reconsider this marriage. Sounds like a difficult situation to me. But like I said, if you get married, you and him both need to be disiplining them all, whether theyre your kids or not. They are the kids, you are the parent, even if youre a step parent. Ive been there. Good luck
Oh one more thing....your kids can be very important and special to you, and most of the time come first, but dont always side with them when theres a problem, thats what my husband did. Everytime there was a problem with me and his kids, he sided with them. It almost ruined our marriage. I left him many times for this.
2006-09-05 05:07:23 · answer #5 · answered by ~~ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many adult men and women are very occupation oriented. also, a lot of human beings do no longer locate the opt to opt to calm down right away and performance childrens. There is also some worry behind it of adjusting into divorced. there is such an excellent number of issues that places a guy off on marriage, yet i imagine the significant 2 will be: He has no longer got here across someone to spend his life with, or He needs to get his occupation rocketed first.
2016-10-15 23:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be loving but firm that you can't allow this to happen any more. His daughter is obviously spoiled brat and he is responsible in a way for thinking that this is normal behavior. On the other hand tell your sons to be patient as well. As this is a new situation probably that girl feels threatened and resents your presence in the house. Give it little time..
2006-09-05 05:03:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How are his other three daughters like? It could be a case where the ten year old is upset about your relationship to her dad and she's not ashamed to show it off.
Keep her busy. Make sure she signed up for things she enjoys...like sports, music. That will keep her occupied and a little less out of trouble. Try to gain her respect.
As for you sons, just keep reassuring them that they are doing the right thing by grinning and bearing it. Try to get them to think up some clever responses to her insults that aren't insults themselves. For example: "Do you really feel the need to say that?" Due to her level of immaturity, i wouldn't be surprised if she right repeated her insult to that reply.
But keep talking to your husband about it. Good luck
2006-09-05 05:01:30 · answer #8 · answered by Natalya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is really bothering you that much I think you should try another meeting and try to be firm about it. Show your fiance that you are really serious about this and that all the children need to be taught the importance of respect towards one another and the two of you. Good luck.
2006-09-05 05:12:44 · answer #9 · answered by gemone523 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your children should come first to you. so go you just talk to him and tell him how it has to be if you put your foot down he will either do it or hit the road if he is not reasonable enough to realize that his child needs discipline it is not your responsibility to stick around and do it for him or take the crap just keep putting your kids first think about them and your feelings to not any one Else's
2006-09-05 05:03:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO You are NOT WRONG... He needs to step up and discipline his daughter BEFORE you marry him. Dont commit your life to a man who cant stand up to his kid. She needs to be severely punished for doing/saying that stuff. Its ridiculous that he allows this mess to continue. If that were my fiance and my future step child.... they would be TOLD in a heart beat that this situation is ridiculous and NOT tolerated...
2006-09-05 05:01:22 · answer #11 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋