Three years ago, my husband's 2 children came to live with us and we received full custody. The reason for this was that their mother was and still is a crack addict (among other things). She was unable to care for them properly. Since then, we have nothing but problems with her (harrassment, death threats etc.) and have had enough. She has placed the children in dangerous situations repeatedly and won't stop. She has been in and out of jail and is currently waiting trial for armed robbery. She abuses drugs with the kids present and has been involved in physical abuse with boyfriends infront of them. She is a hero in the eyes of the oldest child for some reason and we don't know how to make him see what she really is. She even missed his last b-day to break in to someone's house for drugs. She does however, love her kids very much.
We want to keep the kids safe (obviously) but we don't them to end up hating us for keeping them from her. HELP!!!!!
2006-09-05 04:27:49 · 12 answers · asked by Mary 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
god....YEAH! see, this is what's happening...the kids don't and will not understand until they are older and that's only if they get a stable and safe environment to grow up in. the oldest child is probably getting a distorted view of what normalcy is, and being the oldest is starting to i.d. what normal is for him. you don't want him to equate normal with this kind of lifestyle. you certainly don't want him to follow. i'm sure she loves them but, hey...she needs to prove that. kids need more than love. i don't think it's going to be easy for you guys with the kids etc...but you need to do what's right and best. that's what being a responsible parent is about. you have a responsibility to those kids to remove her access.
2006-09-05 04:38:36 · answer #1 · answered by practicalwizard 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Will the visits be supervised? I would not recommend giving her visiting rights unsupervised, but if they are than I do think it's her right to see her kids. As much as you do not want her around the kids because of her trifling lifestyle, those will always be her babies. Also I do not think it's fair that you would express ideas about the mother to the oldest child's because no matter her situation in life she will always be mommy. The thought of having a mommy that is a crack head and bad person doesn't feel good, and I'm sure it's embarrassing. It's unfortunate that sometimes drugs become a priority in some peoples lives, but from what you say it sounds like she still loves her kids very much.
2006-09-05 04:38:54 · answer #2 · answered by Bee Biscuits 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My Husband and I had to take my son's father to court and the way we got his rights restricted were by asking for a drug test. In this day and age they don't do pee test anymore it is hair follicle and he lit up the test. My son was 2 at the time this is 4 years ago. I still think that was best decision I could have made for him. All in all do what is best for the children. I wouldn't try to force the children to dislike her. If you are good loving parents they will respect and understand when they are older. I don't know where you live but if you request a drug test she will probably lose rights, custody and visitation until she passes a clean test. I wouldn't get too graphic with the children they probably know what is going on. Let them know they are loved and when mommy takes care of her problem she can spend time with them again.
2006-09-05 09:58:28 · answer #3 · answered by CiCI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe try to explain to them that she is going through a rough time right now and needs to be alone to deal with her problems. Don't bash her infront of them. It will only want them to see her more. Remember that they are children! You and your husband can do what you want, and taking her rights away is your right. Even if the kids did want to live with her the courts would not allow kids to grow up in that type of situation. If she continues to harrass then you need to start keeping records of it. Very good records of it. If it becomes more than three times then you can file for a protection order against her because she is threatening. It doesn't cost anything to file for or get one. And given her history you will be awarded one.
2006-09-05 04:36:25 · answer #4 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First thing, Do not over text her. She will get annoyed and if you keep telling her "TAKE ME BACK I LOVE YOU." Learn here https://tr.im/t8rxg
She will not want you even more. You need to show her that you don't need her and can live your life without her. She still cares about you I am sure. Maybe try "flirting" with other girls around her to make her jealous. I know its bad, but if i saw my ex flirting with someone else it would make me REALLY ANGRY. However, you still need to show her you care about her too. Show her what she's missing and remind her of it. Be confident and don't show your broken heart. Try ignoring her? Girls hate that. You want her to come to you. Once she does this YOU have all the power.
She will realize what you mean to her and she will hopefully come crawling back. (I am in the same situation as you, except I am the girl trying to get my ex back). Try not to be so clingy and give her space. But try to be around so she sees you, but don't talk to her much. Keep convos short and if you txt her, which you shouldn't, then also keep it short and bland. This will be hard to do because you just want to let her in your life again, but you can't. If you show her that you are desperate to get her back, she won't go for it. Make her come to you and REMIND her of all that she is missing out on. Hope this helps. And trust me, I know how you feel. Girls usually come around easier than guys so you should be lucky. ughh wish i could say the same.
2016-07-20 06:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety Sounds to me like that women shouldn't even have kids! Your doing a great thing i was going to say that is you feel that them children are in danger when there in her care yes you have every right to do that but you've already summed that up..Second i remember the stepmother/stepfather thing and the reason that child feels that way is because your not his/her real mother one day that child will realise you were just looking out for his/her well being trust me...Oh my gosh and how much nutureing it's going to take for them kids to recover from that your a strong women thats a BIG job because with children it monkey see monkey do i have a feeling with all the crap that women has put the poor children through your going to spend the rest of your life trying to fix her mistakes...And lastly i wouldn't care how bad they thought that they hated me from keeping her away she's looking at going to prison them kids need to be saved god bless you!
2006-09-05 04:47:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, even if the kids end up hating you (temporarily) you and your husband seem genuinly concerned for their well being which is the most important thing. When they are older and can see it from an adult perspective they will understand what you have done was the best for them. I would absolutely try and take her back to court- sounds like you'll probably have to get a restraining order to get her to comply though. Good luck, and do not feel guilty. The children should feel lucky you love them so much even though they're not yours.
2006-09-05 04:35:52 · answer #7 · answered by Slutlana 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/ZRaF1
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-24 01:32:04 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now she shouldn't be around the children .. she is a danger in addition a horrible influence. I am sure it hurts the children to see their mother like this as well. I wouldn't allow any visitation rights until she cleans her acts and has provided enough proof for me to acknowledge it. In addition, right now I would put the kids into counseling.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-05 04:32:30 · answer #9 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like they would be more hurt in the long run with her around. Have you tried to have her visit ONLY with supervision (either you or your hubby?) That way, you control what happens, and the kids get to see their mum.
Good luck. This can't be easy. I know you will do the right thing.
2006-09-05 04:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Saffire♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋