I already posted my question in here saying "Why my wife was upaset when i asked where she spent the money?"

Question

"Why my wife was upaset when i asked where she spent the money?" i received answer from different people but i'm not satisfied them yet bec. they didn't know all the fact. Here's the story, i'm working very far from my home town and bec. it is far i decided to left to her my ATM card bec. she needs money for her daily needs of course. When i called her in my mobile phone and i asked her something about the money she spent , she sooo upset and said why i asked. Everytime i called her and i asked about the money that she spending she was upset and saying why i asked about this. I bluff her that if you didn't tell me then i will cut my ATM saving account off and you can't withdraw any of my salary anymore.When she heard about to cut off my ATM savings account she was afraid so she told me the amount left in my Bank and i was shock bec. for almost 1 year working with all my salary was deposited on that account, all the money was almosy spent them all. A little money left in the bank.

Answer 1

Okay, whether you are at home or not, all the costs of running the household remain about the same ... rent and mortgages still need to be paid, utilities, car payments and insurance, food and clothing, doctor bills, etc.

You say that you are surprised by the small amount of money remaining in the account after 1 year of depositing into it. What you don't say is how much or little is left in that account when you are home. Once again, regardless of where you are, the household bills still need to be paid.

Finally, if you are married, why is this YOUR account and YOUR ATM card? If you were in a true partnership with your wife, this would be a joint account, and yes, you are wrong to question her where "all the money" is. As long as the house or the car aren't being repossessed, she's doing nothing wrong.

Answer 2

Money is the #1 thing that couples argue over. To make things even more stressful, you are in a long distance relationship.

TRUST: When/if my husband questions my spending, I feel like he doesn't TRUST me?
Tell her that you love and trust her. Let her know that you need to work together on this issue. You need to make sure that she knows that you trust her (Assuming that you do?) but that you are concerned about the finances.

CONTROL: When/if we argue about money, it sometimes makes me feel like it's about Control and who has the final word. That bothers me because I work hard too and I hate to be controlled.

HONESTY: Be honest with her about the family finances. Does she know how much $ there is and how much is expendable? Maybe she is unaware of the finances? Does she think that there is an unlimited supply of money and she doesn't realize that she needs to stick to a budget.

COMMUNICATION: I assume that due to the long distance nature of your relationship, that communication has broken down a bit? Communicate openly and together set a budget.

BUDGET: Have her list what bills and expenses she has and discuss what is realistic to run the household. Go over the atm statement and compare her list to the statement. Set a spending limit that each of you has to check with the other before you spend $ x amount of money on something. Our limit is $200 - so I know that if I want something over $200, I should check with my spouse first, and he would do the same for me.

Finally, I think that you should consider setting up a separate household account for her, and keep the savings account separate. Direct deposit from your payroll can usually go into more than one account.

Answer 3

You said she told you the amount left in the bank, which you could of found out at anytime yourself. However did she then explain to you what she spent the money on? You know she still has bills to pay rent, elect. etc.etc. did you take all that into account when you realized your balance. Anyways besides all that she was probably upset with you because she took it as a sign that you didn't trust her. Or because she got a little to shop happy while you were gone and was scared to tell you and getting mad when you asked is a defense for that. But in all honesty only she knows why so ask her, all we can do for you is guess. GL

Answer 4

Some women will do this to you. I know, because I am married to one. I feel for you. What can you do? I don't know. What can I do? I don't know. My wife has spent enough to buy a house, or two, and we are still living in rented accomodation. I have talked to her many times but she just does not get it. She has stolen money from her family, from her father, and just laughed about it. She has caused her father and mother so much stress that they just upped and passed away. We have three young kids, too. A long time ago I realised what was going on, so I made her responsible for all the family finances and we have gotten into a lot of trouble with credit companies calling us up everyday. The money she got from her family has helped us out of one hole but she is rapidly digging another. Personally, I don't care, I am past caring. If necessary she will have to declare bankrupt. Personally I do not need a lot of money and would be overjoyed to see all of our credit cards taken away and burnt. What will happen will happen, just as log as our kids can get through school, and one day, maybe, she will finally realise. Making money is not my life's objective, and if I die poor then I'll be rich in heaven. You just gotta pray my friend, some women are like that and there's nothing you can do about it, unless of course, you dump the woman. Period.

Answer 5

Two possible reasons: 1. Money goes really quick on bills and on miscellaneous items spent for the house. Maybe she feels that you don't trust in her spending judgement when you constantly ask her. 2. She may be overspending on items that she knows are not a priority (example: clothing, makeup, jewelry, eating out). Maybe she feels pressured when you ask her because she knows it's a "no-no".

Whatever the reason is, try to sit down and prepare a budget where you calculate how much of your weekly or biweekly salary goes into utilities, food, car expenses, etc.

Answer 6

Well if shes gone through that much money sounds like you have reason to question.Just explain to her that in order to keep an account in the good communication is needed between partners.I mean its one thing if you were bugging her about small daily amounts but another as you explain it.Sounds like you all better talk soon before things get worse.Good luck to you sir.

Answer 7

if shes spending money hand over fist like that i would be upset to.Now theres a bigger question.When you ask her where she spends the money she gets all defensive why?Why dosent she just answer the question?Is she hiding something?I would take the card away and in return give her a weekly allotment and send the money to her.And if its not enough she may have to find a job and help you out of the debt that she has or will put you in.

Answer 8

Obviously she is squandering and wasting the money. That is why she is so upset. She cannot account for it. Or, she is using it on things she doesn't want you to know about. She needs to get a job and you both need to sit down and discuss this matter and any other that is a problem.

Answer 9

U shud make her sit at home and confront her all about it.
If she seems so upset, then there must be something fishy in it.
Find out and judge urself. I cant tell much, as I dont know the reason behind her spending.

Answer 10

i can see both sides to this you quite rightly want to know where the moneys going but she dosent want you to check up on her there is a way round this hun
withdraw a certain amount each week and give it to her then you dont need to check up on her and she dosent feel wached hope this helps