my daughter has court today,and she will be seeing the biological father of her first born son who is 7 yrs old.now,he has never even came over one time to see my grandson,he is now requesting visitation with him ,my grandson does not even know that this person exists,,as i said never have they even been in the same room together,(he has a stepfather that has helped in raising him this far),,my point is ,,,,i dont think he should be pushed into this mess,oh ,,,by the way the absent father has paid child support since birth ,but did not want the child in his life ,,,,please give only serrious advise
2006-09-05 01:49:50 · 11 answers · asked by firecracker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
depending on what state your daughter lives in, she might be able to get his parental rights terminated because of abandonment. The state I live in you can file for abandonment after one year of no contact. Because your grandson has a stepfather - I would bring up that it would be confusing and potentially traumatic to the boy right now for his absentee father to just be handed visitation rights.
2006-09-05 01:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by ok 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, he will get visitation. Your best bet is to try to make it as gradual as possible for the sake of the child. Make sure the first visits are very brief, at the child's home, and have his mother there. Then, after several months of this (or when ever the child feels comfortable), he could go on an outing with the biological father. Overnight visits should be WAY in the future, if at all. Does your daughter have a lawyer? Hopefully the court will not push the boy too fast. Does the biological father have a wife or family? I would emphasize to the court that the child has a loving step-father who has been there for him, while this other man has not. The fact that the absent father did not want him for seven years has to be taken into consideration when deciding how appropriate this whole thing is. I would really have my doubts about someone who could turn his back on a precious child for nearly a decade. Good luck to you and your grandson.
2006-09-05 09:02:35 · answer #2 · answered by TigerLilly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all what you want isn't important here, none of this is your business. I don't mean that to sound as harsh as it does, I just want to get your attention.
You cannot confuse this little boy any more than he will already be. Why your daughter and son-in-law waited until the day of court to spring this on him is beyond my understanding but that's what they did.
What they need to do is sit down and explain the circumstances to their son. Nothing can change the facts, and people change their minds, which is what his biological father did. 7 years is alot of growing up time, and he has the right to attempt a relationship with his son. Your daughter forcing this into a court battle won't stop anything and frankly its made it alot worse.
Your grandson will be fine as long as everyone can act like a parent and put his needs first. Its not a contest as to who is the best father, the man who raised him has that role. But the man who has been paying support and since your daughter accepted it, has a right to a relationship with his son. Give the child time to sort this out and be a loving support not a hindrance.
2006-09-05 09:16:37 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, people can have a change of heart. 7 years is a long time to not see your own child, but also in 7 years alot of growth can happen. I would say at least hear him out, maybe let him spend some time with his son. As far as pushing a 7 year old into a situation like this, it all depends on his maturity level, what the mom has told her son, etc. Some 7 year olds are suprisingly mature and adaptable. I would not force the issue with him, but I would most definately present both sides of the issue to him fairly.
I met my biological father when I was 16. Talk about uncomfortable. I do not in anyway regret it. He is a wonderful man who had alot of time to think and grow in all those years. I am thankful that he is in my life now. I was also raised by a step father who ended up adopting me. Now I have 2 great fathers in my life. Wouldn't trade either one for the world.
2006-09-05 09:02:12 · answer #4 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter needs to let it be known, that her son does not know his father and that he specifically did not want anything to do with him...
He obviously has every right to see him, especially since he's been paying child support.... Maybe, she should request he has visitation rights, but with supervision....
Even though it is a hard situation, your grandson should know his father.. Also, think that maybe he realized he has made a mistake and what he's missed out on and now he wants to correct it... Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he is not a good father and doesn't really care. Your grandson will see that and learn for himself...
Good Luck!
2006-09-05 09:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by Torres 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My prayers will be with you and your daughter today as you endure going to court over this. I applaud your daughter for raising "her" son since the biological father had no interest. I do have to give him credit though for paying child support. This in fact though should not give him permission to all of a sudden disrupt not only yours and your daughter's lives, but your grandson's life. This is such a tough age and to have him endure and confuse him so much is a shame. Instead of thinking about himself, he should think of your grandson's feelings and how this will affect him. I hate to hear of these cases when all of a suden someone decides he wants to "grow up" and start acting like an adult and suddenly be a parent. This only hurts the child involved! I feel so sorry that you, your daughter, her husband and most importanty your grandson has to go through this. I wish your family nothing but the best and pray for the "right" outcome that the courts should decide. Take care!
2006-09-05 08:58:58 · answer #6 · answered by Jules 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your daughter has been lucky that her sons father has been paying child support since birth. Some Dads just disappear. Be honest with the child. Does he know that his stepfather is not his real Dad? I think the child should decide whether or not he wants to see his Dad.
2006-09-05 10:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by katie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The child needs to know who his dad is. He has already lost 7 yrs of fun with his dad. Don't interfere as it will be more resentment as the child gets older. He is young enough to forget most of the lost 7 yrs. People mature as they get older. Maybe the real dad has done this and realized his mistake. He is responsible as he has been paying support for his child.
This has nothing to do with the step-dad or mom. It is between the child and his dad. I remarried and my kids have a step-dad they call dad. The best in the world. But, even though I didn't like their father, because of abuse on me, etc. I never kept them from their dad. Not fair to the child. You have to put your feelings behind you for him
Also, maybe, til the child gets used to the new person in his life and feels comfortable being with him (if he shows signs of not wanting to go with dad) suggest the dad come over to the child's house and see him and play with him outdoors, etc. until he gets to know him.
It will work out if you let it and help it. Good Luck! God Bless the dad for finally coming forward for the little one.
2006-09-05 09:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by Nana 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People change and repent, he's been paying and by law he does have a right even tough he's not been around. Maybe it could be better for the child, see if you can work it out.
2006-09-05 08:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by EL Big Ed 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
mam we all realise our mistakes in our life once..maybe dat guy also realised his mistakes &w ants 2 meet his son..dont let some1 yearn for his own son..
he made a mistake by not being wid da kid wen da kid needed him da most...but time makes u learn a lot of things...
give him sometime wid da kid...& see maybe he has improved...
as for who dis guy is...da father wud himself find it tough 2 tell his son why he didnt meet him for 7 long years...
2006-09-05 09:19:08 · answer #10 · answered by moooooooovin 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋