Only child vs. siblings?

Question

Not sure what I want to ask. I have 2 siblings and really enjoyed having them growing up. I only have 1 child right now...he's 3. I really don't know if I want more children or not at this point. How does an only child feel? Will he ever be lonely? If I decide on more kids.....they will at least be over 4 yrs apart....sooooo.....is it best to have more than 1 child so siblings can interact and have one another....but if you have them too far apart, they won't have much in common, anyway, right?

Answer 1

they both have their advantages, such as what you pointed out about having siblings, however, an only child can be lonely, however, they have the advantage of not having to compete for attention from the parents, grandparents, learn how to use their imagination better, etc. The only one who can make up your mind is you.

Answer 2

I'm 26 years old and an only child. My husband and I are now trying for our first child and have been discussing this very issue. My hubby has two siblings. We've decided that for us, two would be the perfect number... I used to cry myself to sleep at night when I was a kid, praying for a sibling; I hated being an only child, when everyone around me had siblings they had fun with. Now I'm very shy and not that 'socially' with it some might say. My hubby of course is the total opposite. We've decided not to have one child because I NEVER want to put my child through what I went through!!! And we decided not to have more than two, because we think any number above two, the amount of attention each child receives decreases alot. Of course the only benefit I really have is getting all of my parents' money when they die, that's about it! Oh and my parents are still young and they are out now having the time of their lives, while most other parents are still working on getting their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc kids off to college and out of the house. Good luck to you, whatever you decide!

Answer 3

Hi,
Look i had the same dilemma as you I had a miscarriage on my 30Th birthday a surprise pregnancy as I thought I only wanted 1 child after losing the baby I knew I wanted the second one and fell pregnant 3 months later I had the most beautiful baby girl shes 8 now and my boys going 12, they are good friends and have always played together the age difference has no effect on them nor boy girl. I am also an early childhood educator and have seen alot of only childs they cope in their own way, they don;t know any better when they are small and as they grow they usually ask for a sibling.. friends at school are important and inviting them over here and there is a good idea, cousins and family keep them company as well. What ever you decide only you know what is right , I found out what I wanted through a bit of heartache but boy she was worth it . she was born on valentines day! My angel...

Answer 4

If you're going to have another child, do it now. I agree with some of the others, five years apart is the most you should wait before having second children. Any longer than that, and it gets too complicated and awkward. It'll be good to have a second now. It'll teach your three year old about how to handle being around others and how to take care of children younger than him. However, be prepared for the inevitable sibling rivalry and temper tantrums that come from the jealousy of having a baby in the house. Reassure your first that you still love him and try not to ignore him. It's important to involve him with what would be the biggest thing to happen to him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

All kids get lonely even ones with siblings. My daughter is an only child and she was fine with it. When she was about 4 she wanted a sibling but only because one of the children in her preschool was going to be an older brother...when I explained to her that if we were to have another baby she would have to share EVERYTHING including mommie and daddy with the new baby...she decided she didn't want a sibling. My sister and I were 7 years apart and my mom really enjoyed that because being a bit older I was able to help out, I could entertain my sister while my mom went to do the laundry, I could help diaper and feed my sister, I could take my sister for walks in her stroller while my mom got a break. If I were to have had another child I would have them spaced at least 5 years apart....as it turned out I decided on just one.

Answer 6

Well, that depends on you! Can you handle two kids? Some people really cant. I started out wanting three. I have two and am NOT going to three because, well, my two keep me busy. I dont want them to get shortened on things like soccer, gymnastics, etc... because I "can't afford" it for three kids. Or even simple things like, we love to 4-wheel. I have one, my hubby has one. He takes one child, I take the other. Where would the third sit?

Some people might call it selfish but two fit my life. Two fits my hubbys life. :)

If the only reason you want another child is for your first child and not for you, then I would advise against it. :)

My brother and I were 4.5 years apart but we got along ok. My hubby was one of 6, all spaced 19-25 months apart. He said it was hectic.

Is there a happy medium? That's for you to figure out!:)
Also tho, if you kind of want another child, then I'd say go for it. Although there are advantages of being an only, like lots of one-on-one attention, etc....they usually are very sad when asking for siblings. My nephew is one, and he begged for a brother or sister for years. He's now 11 and gave up on it. :(

Good luck, and remember, a child is always a blessing if made in love! :)

Answer 7

Depends...
I grew up one of six, as a result I had fun, wars, drama and memories.

My son, now 28, was an only child. He liked it. We have always been very close, and we had the money to do a lot- hiked out west together- spending 3-10 days together, just he and I while my wife stayed dry and comfortable at the trail heads hoten...grin.

He loved it.

So, I would never change how I grew up, the rich memories but- not the ability to do a lot extra. Plus I was somewhat the loner of the family.

My son has mused what having a bro or sister would have been like but wouldn't change it.

If you're comfortable- with one-as is your husband/father, fine. Either has it's advantages and disadvantages.

I would have enjoyed more kids but couldn't have them. But from my son's view- it was no loss because he knew no better.

4 years is not a lot- now 10 yrs is! (Although... built in babysitter for a few brief years...)

Answer 8

Well While I wasnt an only child my brother was 10 years older than I and had left home when I turned 6 years old, so suffice it to say I felt like an only child, though I wasnt.
I had no one to play with and my parents were older as I was a late in life baby.
So now I have 4 children ages 3, 5 14 and 16.
My boys are the older one and while they are boys and fight and fuss and never share, they have each other on a brotherly level.
My girls are the younger ones and yes they fuss and argue and fight over toys, but with all 4 of them, the older ones watch out for the little ones.
There are benefits to having more than one child.
You can always say, go play with your brothre or sister, mommy needs to get something done (cooking, cleaning, taking a bath).
Or when one gets on your nerves, you can always say.. go pick on your brother or sister.
Siblings give us the ability to interact with others better. While an only child never has to share with anyone in her home, a child with siblings learn that he or she must share.
It gives them a learning process of how to interact with others.

Answer 9

I think a lot of it depends on how you feel about handling another child right now. If you can't see yourself wanting tio run after another child and supporting them mentally and physically, then don't do it just for your child to have a sibling. Trust me, it would be worse for both of them if you were always exhausted mentally and physically and couldn't gove them all the care they needed.

That being said, I think there are advantages of siblings and an only child. While an only child may get lonely sometimes, they don't have to fight over sharing toys, and they don't have to share any attention from their parents.

Also, if you decide to have another child in several years, that's okay, too. My little brother and I are 10 years apart and I think we get along better than if we were closer together. Because I was older, I ot to help with taking care of him, and giving him his bottles, and all of that. Also, now that he's 12, we still get along, and he comes to me for advice, help with homework, all that. I think we have a better relationship because we never really fought for our parents' attention since we were on different levels at that point, and at 10 years old, I wasn't fighting for constant attention from my parents.

Answer 10

Well, I currently have one child! (Thank God) However, I have step children and although I only have one child I like having only one child. At times the other children become a bit too overwhelming for me! The two step children (in my opinion) are too needy and are always in competition for every ones attention! Neither of the two ever play alone and always needs someone or something to entertain them endlessly! I don"t particularly like this type of behavior because it can be very annoying after while! I do however, make the best of this situation. I love spending one on one time with my daughter, because I know it allows me to bond with her, and give her all the attention that she needs, as well as not having to balance her with other children! I can do everything with her! Lastly, I myself am the youngest sibling out of 5 children! There is a 12 year gap between me and the next to youngest and I never felt deprived, I played well alone however, my mother always says I was independent!

Answer 11

Heh, well, you don't need to worry about "whodunnit" when the lamp is broken. If he's blaming it on his brother, it's time to cart him off in the paddy wagon!

But seriously. I grew up as an only child. I wasn't really ever lonely, I was pretty good at keeping myself entertained. If anything it forced me to develop good habits, such as being more bookish than caring about how many babies Britney Spears has popped out. First children and/or only children tend to be more intelligent and higher succeeders.

It could be argued either way. I personally would have only one child, given that I'm ever able to have children. It's all I could handle.