how to handle grief?

Question

my mother suddenly died 11 months ago and i am really finding it hard to accept it.

Answer 1

Its sometime hard to do ... there are moments you just need to cry it out, be left alone and there are moments that you just need to talk about it. Sometimes it helps to seek counseling. In addition, it helps to have a support system - friends or other family members. Have you ever sought out a support group dealing with a loss of a loved one?

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your mother.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about your loss. After my mother died I came apart a year later and could barely work. You're much better than me at handling grief...

You might want to consult a counselor, they have useful insights, if your situation worries you. Grief is a process that goes through stages, the first being denial. Sounds like you've just paused there for a little while, and that's OK. Writing down your feelings, drawing pictures of how you feel, looking at old pictures, recalling happy times, were all ways that helped me. Have faith in yourself.

Answer 3

You can't. You never, ever "handle" grief. It's just one of those things you can't control. And that, in itself, is scary. Because humans always think we can control everything. It's just one of those things that you need to let take its course. You say you are really finding it hard to accept? How does one ever accept the loss of their mother? I mean, my God, there are plenty of rivers, mountains, and trees, and all kinds of beautiful things in this world. And you will have friends, lovers, even maybe children, in your life. But the fact remains: You will only have ONE mother! Does anyone really ever accept that loss?
How do you handle grief? Grieve!! Allow yourself to grieve, no matter how long it takes! At times, you may even be angry at God, or at her, for leaving you. But you know what? Just the fact that you asked the question the way you did about your mother says a hell of alot about her. She must have been one very beautiful woman for you to bear your heart on a website viewed by millions of people. And that is one heck of a tribute to her, don't you think? Don't think about "handling" it or "accepting" it, because you never will; just let it happen. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream; whatever. And someday, when you're ready, you will heal, eventually. But just because the pain has lessened, doesn't mean you love her any less.
Hey, Chefed? Wow! That was so very beautiful what you said!!!
I just read Val's. That too, was beautiful! As much as this site gets put down, and as many jerks as there are, there are also so many genuine, caring people. And the responses to this question prove it! This is gonna be one of these questions where there is no best answer; they're ALL the BEST! Everyone is willing to share what's in their heart, and it truly renews my faith in mankind! Bless you all for caring so much! I'll get off my soapbox now!
ps. We buried my dad last week. And as much as I grieve, I wished I were dead rather than watch my mom's agony. They were married nearly 60 years. And I swear, if she thought she could jump in his coffin with him she would have.

Answer 4

My dad died suddenly 6 months ago and I was really shocked and confused and mad at God. It was a total shock. I've been so confused and lost. I don't know if you ever really handle grief or get over the death. Your whole life changes and will never be the same. I have watched my mom suffer, trying to learn how to be alone after being married to my dad for 40 yrs. So I not only hurt that I lost my dad, but I hurt for my mom, and I see it everyday, so the grief goes on and on. The way I try to cope is I have taken my anger off God, (because He never meant for death to be a part of our lives) and placed my anger on the devil who brought all this death to us through his sin. I pray a lot and ask God to help me. I thank God that since my dad and I are christians with Jesus in our hearts, that he is in heaven now no longer suffering, and that I will get to see him again one day. I watch videos of my dad and look at pictures and try to remember the good times. I put a lot of energy into helping my mom and trying to make her life a little easier. It is still so hard. I have also read alot of books on grief, that may answer some questions. There are stages to grief that we all go through. But we go through them differently and at different times. Just know that whatever you are feeling is OK for you. You are not doing anything wrong if you feel a certain way. I don't think there's any specific time that you will "get over it". You have lost someone very important to you, and I don't even think life SHOULD be the same. Life for you will always be different and grieving is part of the healing process. Let yourself grieve and cry it all out and talk to someone who will understand. Even writing out your feelings or typing it out here on this website helps a lot to get your feelings out. People do say it will get easier with time, but after 5 months, I got worse and went through all the emotions again, after I thought I was doing better. Now at 6 months, I am feeling OK, but when I see or talk to my mom, she is depressed and then I get depressed all over again. It's definitely going to be an up and down for the rest of our lives. I don't think we will ever accept it, but we can learn how to live without our special loved one and actually life can go on. Try to enjoy your life as best you can. I'm sure your mom would want you to, even though it's hard. I will pray for you and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

I understand ur condition. Actually I lost my mother at my 36 years of age and I am now 45. Still I can't overcome her memory. And I think u r much much younger than me.
Now, to share my way, I suggest u to try hard to fulfill her dreams about u. Whenever u make success a dream of her, it will give a mental satisfaction to her that u made her happy where ever she is now! Every mother wants to see her child successful. Make her wish be fulfilled.

Answer 6

Do you have someone you can talk to? You can't keep it inside. My brother died very suddenly four years ago. Our family was devastated. We all dealt with it in very different ways. I had to find someone outside of my circle of friends and family to talk to. Someone who I could say anything to and not have to worry about ever seeing them or talking about it again. It helped me tremendously. But everyone is different. I still think of him every day. And occasionally cry. It's okay to let yourself feel the pain. As long as you aren't consumed by it.

Answer 7

i'm customarily the type that only needs various time on my own until eventually the early days of it bypass. How unhappy for this Dr., i would not blame them in the event that they only bypass Christmas and do some thing with their presents at a later date. I recommend how do you even face that day? trip journeys are undesirable adequate as quickly as each and every person is lacking, yet to have a tragedy ensue so on the fringe of it. To think of he probable already had presents stashed away for her...

Answer 8

Have you been to a therapist? Sometimes when you are going through something this hard it's best to go to someone who has training on how to better cope with what you are feeling. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you find peace soon.

Answer 9

grief goes through cycles. Sad,anger,betrail............only time will heal but the loss of a Mother is hard to get over. There will always be a hole there in your heart. God Bless You

Answer 10

It is one of the hardest things to go through .
In order to get through it you must cry .
You must forgive any harsh words you had with her
You must always remember that she loved you .
You must forgive yourself of anything bad you said to her .
You must cry some more .
Most importantly you must always remember the good things that you both shared .
The laughs ,the tears ,the joys and the love for one another .
It will take time ,your pain will ease .
You will feel her within you and hear her words when you need to.
Take care .