I am a woman's boyfriend, she has a hyperactive son, nonkind, noncareful, nonobedient and I love my girlfriend and by this I want to have good relations with the boy but apparently the boy does't see in me a paternal figure, he`s 7 and I knew him since he was 5, his natural father death, I think I must have patience and good will with the boy but I don`t know what to do to gain his affection and respect to me, I thank ur commentaries
2006-09-04 23:15:27 · 4 answers · asked by FAQer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have a delicate challenge before you. First of all, you must understand that the boy is undergoing severe mental agony due to the loss of his biological father, who perhaps was his hero. It is possible that the boy has become extremely possessive of his mother as he is afraid that he might lose her the same way as he did his dad, or any other way .
Another thing that you should bear in mind is that you will never replace his father. As such, you should not expect the child to develop paternal feelings towards you. You will be allowed, in course of time, if you play your part well, to be his friend and his mother's second husband. Thats all. If you settle for this in your mind then and then only will you be able to make any progress with the relationship.
You say the boy is hyperactive. It means that he needs to release his energy every day by playing and exercising. If you want to befriend him, you should take him on occassional outings and give him the opportunity to show himself off to you. Give him a few good words and also try to play his games. Do some of the mad things he loves doing and laugh a lot. See that he laughs too. I think if you give him more attention than you give his mother at this point, then your progress in future with her will be a lot more easier and acceptable by the boy. at some point he will wait for you to visit him so that you can do things together. That is the time to get close to him. This will obviously take a lot of time and if you love his mom, surely you will go to that extent.
Last, stop being physical with his mom in front of him. His mind will be agitated each time he sees the two of you close. He will use his hyperactivity to divert his mom's attention from you to him. Your love for one another should be explained to him very carefully, after he accepts you as a friend and relies on your friendship. Treat him as a grown up at that time. Remember, the fruits of patience are sweet! Good luck.
2006-09-04 23:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by someone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm....i think the best thing to do to gain his affection for you is....be friends with him, by playing with him, discover things with each other, the three of you go an outing together in a place you think the kid would like, give him gifts and treats (not as a bribe) which shows that you like him and you want to be friends (the kid).
But don't push yourself too hard to the kid, just do it slowly and nicely, becoz when you force him to like you, he will never like you instead, he will h8 you.
Give the boy some time, may be he is not yet used to other man except his father. And i think the boy have not yet overcome his loneliness regarding the loss of his father, and may be he thinks that no one can ever replace his father.
2006-09-05 06:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by Angeline_Love16 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
perseverance and genuine patience and love finally pays off
2006-09-05 06:18:05 · answer #3 · answered by trishul60 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give regular love and care to him
2006-09-05 06:19:36 · answer #4 · answered by soofi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋