What is the UK Wedding Etiquette re guest lists?

Question

How many guest for the groom, the bride, the brides parents, etc.

The venue can seat 120 people, so we will go for the max. The brides parents are paying for the event, so how do we split the 120 people. The brides mom told me I'm allowed 40 (1/3) people, and that includes my family, friends and my parents friends. Is that really the custom in the UK? Seems a bit odd and unfair that they can invite 80 people compared to my 40...

Answer 1

Etiquette for invites split is that each side should get half. The bride and the groom, not the bride and her parents. Since her parents are paying and want a "cut" of picks on the guest list, it's really only fair to give your parents the same option. So maybe a quarter to each, bride, groom, bride's parents, groom's parents.

Talk to your fiance about how you feel. Remind her that this is your wedding too. Her parents already had a chance at theirs, they should not be controlling the guest list now.

Set a "circle" of guest that each side can invite to be fair. How far out can each relation be from the bride or groom.
1st generation includes parents and siblings, and the siblings family (spouse and children).
2nd generation includes grandparents, aunts and uncles, and first cousins. And if any of them are married, their spouses and children.
3rd generation would include great-aunts and uncles, second cousins, etc...

The decide on how many friends each set of parents can invite. 1, 2, 3, etc... Your parents should get the same amount as hers. If they each get 2 friends, remember that each friend could possibly have a spouse and children in tow. Even if they aren't married, they could be bringing a guest/date.

You and your fiance need to talk this out. Her parents may be paying for it, but it's your wedding. At most, her parents should have 30 guests. Your parents should have the same amount of whatever her parents have.

Remember that when making a guest list, expect each person that is listed by themselves to want to bring a date. So if there is a "1" in the colum for comming, better make it a two for planning purposes. You don't want the chance of having 150 people RSVP as a "Yes" when you can only accomadate 120. If there are any singles, you would have to tell them up front, "no guests" or trim out other people to make room for the dates.

Each party should be making thier own list. You, the bride, and each of your parents. Each person should put a number next to how many people are possibly in that group. If it's a married couple with 2 kids, then they would be 4. Also put numbers or letters next to the names to indicate how "important" that person is. Then combine the lists to see how many duplicates are on it.
1. Close family: parents, siblings, grandparents, and the sibling's spouses and children.
2. Extra family: aunts, uncles, cousins, and any of their spouses and children.
3. Family friends, long time friends of your parents and hers.
4. Parents colleagues, their boss and/or close co-workers,
5. Your friends, these are all of the people you two want there.
6. Colleagues, your bosses and close co-workers.
7. Others, people you haven't seen in awhile or aren't that close to, but you would still like them there.
8. Don't forget the "must haves". The people you don't have a choice about, the person preforming the ceremony and thier spouse/guest, parents of the ring bearer and flower girls, parents of the attendants shoud be considered, and any vendors. These people should be on the "list" so that they can be fed and have a place to sit. Don't expect your photographer to stand throughout the entire wedding and reception.

Answer 2

I think guests for both bride and groom should be split evenly. Especially if both sides have have more people than room at the wedding. Playing favorites is rude.
Number of people depends entirely on your budget and seating accommodations.

Each side should be able to invite as much family as possible. IF one side's family does not have enough invites, the other side should be gracious and give up "friend" invites so the opposite side can invite their remaining family.

Answer 3

I thnk the bride's mom is making up her own rules here! There is no rule about who the bride and groom can invite - as with the rest of your married life, this should be a decision you make together. Negotiation, compromise - all that good stuff.

Good luck.