I was dating a guy in the military. He came home on leave on a Wednesday. The friday before I went into the emergency room and found out I was going to have to have sugury to have my gull bladder removed. I called the surgeons office on Tuesday and they set up a consultation appointment for Thursday (the day after my boyfriend got home). I didnt think it would be a big deal to go to this appointment, but as it approached I started getting nervous. I called him on Thursday and asked him to go to the 4 pm appointment with me. I had no one else who could go with. He refused to go with me. He hadn't seen his mother in 5 months and said he had to be home when she got home from work at 4. They had plans to go to dinner at 5:30. Had he gone to my appointment with me he would have easily still made dinner. He wouldn't even call his mom and explain the situation. He said he had to be home when she got home. He says that its just different because he's military. Is he right?
2006-09-04 18:32:04 · 14 answers · asked by reena_ree86 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Ok, I'm not Military, but I'm a Military wife and have been for nine years, and I can tell you that no, him being "Different" has nothing to do with him being in the Military. I could see if he was not on leave and you wanted him to go with you, but he didn't want to ask his CO, XO who's ever in charge, because sometimes they won't let them go if it's not an emergency or if the person isn't a spouse or close relative, but to blow you off when he could have gone is pretty rude! It doesn't sound to me like you were asking him to not see his mom at all, you just wanted some comfort while going to the doctor's! Personally, I don't think you were asking for much.
People have this idea about what Military men are like, and yes, I think I'm married to a pretty exceptional guy rather he was in the Military or not, he's just a very loving person, but I defiantly don't think most Military men are jerks or insensitive. They're good guys....So if it doesn't work out with him, don't let him sour you on all Military men!
2006-09-05 06:09:08 · answer #1 · answered by Naples_6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's just not that into you. If he really was into you, then he would have found a way to balance the two women in his life. The desire for your welfare wasn't there. But you do have to decide whether or not you want a person like that in your life. This is just one odd and offbeat situation that put the relationship through a test. Now that you know the outcome of this test you have to decide if this guy is the type of person you want in your life when it comes to even more serious matters.
Don't hold it against the military alone. There are other military guys out there that would have found a way to be there for their girl while seeing the mother.
Surgery is a serious deal, no matter how common even with the slightest complication you could have died, and he didn't even give that a second thought. I think that's messed up and says a lot about your current(former?) lover.
2006-09-04 18:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by kitt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The guy is probably exhausted! I don't see why you are acting so needy. I go to appts. all by myself for tests, whatever while my husband works. I don't expect him to take off to sit by my side.
Cut the guy some slack - he's been doing who knows what for who knows how long.
Maybe if you are more patient, he will see he can work on the relationship more. Right now maybe he's just too burned out to even know what to do next.
Just take good notes while you're at the doc and when you meet with your boyfriend you can fill him in on the details. By then you should have some indication of where your relationship stands - but I wouldn't pressure the guy right now if you want to keep him in the picture.
2006-09-04 19:59:41 · answer #3 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is not worth it. It has nothing to do with the military at all. Ok sure, he is home on leave and has limited time, but he has what? 2 weeks to eat dinner with his mom, if he called and explained he could had been late, or went the next day. So, unfortunately .. screw him. If he can't take the time to care about you when you need him, why should you be there for him. Don't waste a single second on him anymore. He didn't take the time for you.
2006-09-04 18:58:44 · answer #4 · answered by HeatherMarie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Um, no. It doesn't matter that he hadn't seen his mother in 5 months; if you were important to him, he would have made time to be with you. Surgery is always serious business, regardless of how major or minor the procedure may be considered, so I'm reasonably sure his mother would understand if he missed dinner in order to go to the hospital to see his girlfriend. He certainly wasn't on leave for one day, so he could have gone to dinner at his mother's the next day. Ditch the loser -- the military is no excuse for him to be insensitive.
2006-09-04 18:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by theyuks 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I say that I understand his wanting to see his mom as soon as she got home from work. It was just a consultation appt. it's not like it was teh surgery! you coudl still drive yourself home and I am sure you will be fine! Try to be a littel understadning that he only has a short tiem to spend w/ loved ones adn it was important to see his mom. You can still spend time with him too, but honestly what good would he have been at the appt?
2006-09-05 00:51:07 · answer #6 · answered by shellshell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IMO his decision had nothing to do with being in the military. If he is home on leave for r&r he could have gone with you for your surgery and still have a week to spend with his mother. He is just a di**. Seems like he doesn't care...I'd ditch the loser. (JMO)
2006-09-04 22:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by ProudArmyWife! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just have a talk with him.....he has things on his mind. And I am sorry, but going with you may not have been one of them. He has seen so much destruction over the past few months....he needs to have down time from ANYTHING like that. I know it sounds harsh and all....but try to see it from his side. If you want to chat, give me a shout....I am a Military Spouse...
2006-09-04 19:38:35 · answer #8 · answered by BITE ME 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm retired USMC, and NO, it does not have a #$@*&%$ thing to do with him being in the military. Life is all about decisions and priorities, isn't it? Now you see where he has put you on his priority list. Take my word for it, you need to dump this inconsiderate jerk and leave him to his Mommy. Find a man who will value your relationship and love you like you deserve.
2006-09-04 19:53:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should have taken the time to be with you, rather than have dinner with mom. Having dinner with mom can happen again anytime. Your surgery is a one time thing and is extremely difficult to deal with alone. With him giving you support, would have been easier for you.
2006-09-04 18:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋