my 10 year old cry's tooooo much!!!?

Question

ok,my daughter is gonna be 10 next month,she is allready going through puberty - the period,but everything else is well...grown up. im not sure if she's just totally emotional due to her changing or if there is something just not right with her. basically if she is told to clean her room she will cry,if she is told to turn off her tv she will cry,if told to go in the shower she will cry....like everything is an issue, everything is unfair and all me and my husband do is end up yelling at her ( wich makes her cry more) we try to just ask ,we give several verbal promps to do what she is geing asked but the end result is always the same, she ends up crying and giving excuses of why she didnt do it, and she says she just can't help crying.Im so FRUSTRATED.Is she just spoiled? she seems to be irrational all the time, EVERYTHING is completly blown out of proportion with her...help?

I work overnights, I spend all my days with the kids.i dont have a computer at home so im not just sitting at home on the computer.

i allso have treid to talk to her very calm and just ask if somethings wrong,if she needs to tell me something, i do everything a "good" parent would do.I was a single mom until she was 6 and her dad and i got back together ofter that.So up untill than it was just me and her living together.

Answer 1

no, she just wants attention and lots of it. Try turning off your computer and tv for a day and take her to the park or zoo. She is not spoiled. Spend time with her. My 2 year old and 6 yr old will do the same thing if I ignore them.

Answer 2

Is she just spoiled? I don't know, that depends on whether you spoiled her or not. Is she used to getting her way before now? If not, then she might be having emotional problems as you put it. It's not exactly a "Mental" problem as some put it. Many girls and boys start having depression or mood swings when they hit puberty.

She's starting to realize her body is growing. She feels she deserves a certain amount of dignity that goes with growing up, but hasn't learned to be responsible yet. That's normal puberty! However, crying all the time, especially if her period has no influence on when she'll be more moody, she may be suffering from a form of depression. What you've described is more common in boys. Maybe not the crying part, but having a strong emotional reaction to being "Told" something as opposed to being asked.
All I can tell you, ma'am, is that you have to stay the course. Give her clear guidelines, limitations, and responsibilities. Don't give up, don't ease up, don't overreact. Just be calm and always be firm but loving. Never tell her she's "A good girl", but rather tell her when she's done something that's good. This will encourage her to continue to do the thing that brought praise. She should learn to deal with her emotions as she grows up. Otherwise, if it gets worse, she may be suffering from a more serious mood disorder. You'll need to do your homework about that if it turns out to be the case, but it's probably not. She just needs to be given stability during this time when everything inside herself seems so unstable. That includes being firm, but always reminding her that she's you love her no matter what.

Also, reading your comments gives me a little incite. I wrote all of that before reading them. So, bare with me. It makes more sense why she cries a lot now. She hasn't learned to communicate her feelings properly. That, too, is normal for a child who is beginning to have adult emotions. They feel angry or sad because they feel something that they have no words for. It's very frustrating. I can remember being that age, and there's no more horrible feeling than knowing that you have a valid feeling or reason, but no way to express it.
She needs to learn to communicate. Obviously, hitting her will not teach her that, as some in here have suggested. Spending quality time with her would help. It doesn't have to be a theme park or anything. In fact, it's better if it's just something simple. Play a board game with her once in a while, or take her to the park. Let her help you with something around the kitchen (or something she seems interested in).
Also, you need to set the example. Communicate well in a dignified way with your husband. Never argue in front of her or even let her know that you're having a disagreement. Show mutual respect and cooperation. Do you already do this? If you do, then you're on the right path to teaching her good communication skills. Remember, for a child who isn't old enough to understand in depth an explanation, actions can be understood when words are not. I wish you the best at it!

Answer 3

Um, she's a teenager, now. Sorry, but for me it started at 10 too. I didn't have a period yet, but man, little girls are as hard on themselves as they are on each other. And it only gets worse as they approach college age. I cried thru an entire episode of The Wonder Years because I felt sorry for Winnie being harrassed by a mean boy. Yeesh!
She may be like me, and end up being diagnosed with depression at 19, or she may just need to vent frustration. I've been told that the body uses tears to release some stress chemicals out of the body. So don't tell her not to cry. Just let her know that it's okay to cry, but there's a time and a place for it. Whether she's crying or not, stuff still needs to happen.

Answer 4

Sounds like you would know if she were spoiled. Sounds like you are constant, meaning that you aren't letting her get away with not pulling her weight at home. Sounds like she's testing you. The only thing is don't yell. I have been the biggest yeller, just plain NUTTZ. My daughter will soon be 20, egad! Not too long ago, I realized that I give more to people at work than I do at home. So I decided that I wouldn't yell anymore, even though she is full aware of the score, meaning what her responsibilities are, I just don't flip out anymore, why do it? All it does is create a negative vibe, for you and her. She'll get over herself, and Mom, pat yourself on the back, stay firm!

Answer 5

No. Your daughter doesn't sound spoiled, but rather deprived and it seems as if the only way she knows how to get what she wants is to cry. She's crying for your attention. If she can't get your attention one way, she'll try another. And crying seems to working for her...
for now.

When there's a time she's quiet, try speaking directly at her and ask her how her day is going, what she did at school that day, what her plans are for the future (she'll be grown before you know it... )

Take her shopping with you when you pick up your family's groceries and supplies. Ask her advice as to what she thinks would be a good color on you, what you should wear that day, etc. Silly things, stuff she'll remember.

Allow her to invite a friend over; they're always quieter around their friends as they don't want to embarrass themselves. And remember, this is her time with her friend, don't impede on their time together. Instead, just peek in on them to make sure they're not acting up and also, to see if they need anything; all in the guise of being a watchful, concerned parent.

Sometimes in our stressful lives, we forget that our children need *us*. And when we're stressed, isn't that all too easy to do?

Answer 6

I was the same way when I was 10 and it drove my entire family CRAZY. I cried when people said "Hi" to me. Take it from one who has heard several times from my mother and siblings, it is puberty and yes it Stinks on ice. The best thing to do is just be as patient as you can be she will grow out of most of it. I did when I was 12. It did get better as time went on. You will all make it through...Just remember that when she has a 10 year old daughter she will ask you the same question...by the way, I am now in my twenties and doing great...don't cry so much anymore. Good luck

Answer 7

She could have the beginnings of PMDD - Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and/or Bi-Polar Disorder.

Put yourself in HER shoes!!! How would YOU feel?

The crying yeah DRIVES YOU UP A WALL!!! Been there, Done that with my NOW 12 yr old SON!!!

He cries at the drop of a hat ESPECIALLY after you have told him numerous times to do something. THEN CRIES when you start YELLING/DEMANDING him to do whatever it is you told him to do in the first place!!!

Never can win with kids! LOL

Just have to be patient - easier said than done I KNOW! Pick & chose you battles. AGAIN easier said than done!

Therapy does work. ANOTHER view for kids helps. Kids think MOM & DAD don't KNOW what things are like! LOL YOU know the drill.

This summer my 3 kids & myself (hubby worked!) did therapy. First one was with Juvenile Services second was with Child & Family Services.

The Child & Family Services was a Love & Logic program. VERY GOOD! KIDS learned as well!

Answer 8

You might want to approach her differently. If what you are saying or doing upsets her, then approaching her differently won't hurt to try.

Positive reinforcement is wonderful with children at her age range. With every good thing comes a positive reaction. And it's okay to be firm. Yes means yes, No means no. Don't let there be any leeway for compromise. She needs a firm set of rules, and consistency. Next time she cries, and even if you're terribly upset with her, reach out to her. Take her into your arms. Let her know, at that very moment, that you are not mad. Comfort her. She will outgrow it. Patience always.

Answer 9

Try to catch her in a calm mood (maybe take her out to lunch) and have a heart to heart with her, in which you explain that her behavior is extremely irrational. I would let her know that her behavior is unacceptable, and that she will have to go to her room if she is going to cry. You must then follow that up by sending her to her room and letting her cry until she is done, at which time she can rejoin the family. My guess is that she will tire of that. At the same time, you should keep in mind that at 10, kids are not really sure of their place. They are no longer little kids, but they are definitely not grown up either.

Answer 10

Take her to a professional counselor. Read books on psychology and child/human development from Amazon or
Barnes and Noble bookstores. I think it is just rebellion. Maybe you should sit down with her and ask why she cries. Have a heart to heart talk. There might be a personal problem she is not telling you about. I think a heart to heart talk would help pinpoint the problem. Try this, then the counselor. Best wishes

Answer 11

It's the age she's at, My 10 year old niece does the same thing, so much drama... just pay no attention to it. She merely wants a reaction from you, like sympathy...playing the "victem" doesn't work. Kids really need to step up on being responsible. Just try ignoring it and see what happens. Good Luck!