He is very and I do mean very smart. Something concerns me greatly. When I was getting ready to give him shower he covered his privates, crying and said "Don't touch"....didn't want to take his shirt off and said "I wanna stay here"....any ideas from anyone on what this means and how my husband and I should handle this.
2006-09-04 17:43:04 · 27 answers · asked by Carollynne 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
More details>>>I am a retail manager and one of the gals that works for me is going to jail (again). She had to find a place for her son or the state was going to take him and terminate her parental rights. My husband and I told her to consider letting us care for him while she "finishes" her business. She has to do 6-12 months on drug charges and this poor kid has been with EVERYONE. I told her he needs to go to one safe place and stay there with responsible people who will love and care for him. We have done a temporary custody agreement and she brought him to us yesterday. He has NEVER showered, but was really excited about it until I tried to undress him. I had my hubby come help, but poor lil man had real tears, big ole lip sticking out and all. After a few minutes he was fine and I did let him wash his own privates. He wants to take another shower and I think that is a good sign, but still concerned about the previous behavior.
2006-09-05 01:38:39 · update #1
By the way, he is not potty trained, is a neat freak and hates taking his shoes off because they are "HIS"...Honestly, how screwed up is this kid.
2006-09-05 01:40:24 · update #2
If he's very smart he may also be very emotionally mature. Children this little usually don't like a shower, so he could have been worried about what the shower water would do to certain areas on him.
The other thing is, if you just got custody of him today he doesn't know you. He may know he's not comfortable with you, and he may have felt the need to let you know you were not to touch him there.
If he says he wants to stay there apparently he likes you. That's good.
I think you should just go along and pay attention to anything else he says. Don't assume he was sexually abused yet, and don't let him know you have any suspicions. If he has a bath hand him a towelette and tell him to clean himself there. When he begins to use a toilet, just try to be polite and casual and respectful when it comes to letting him know you aren't out to be looking at his private stuff too long.
If he was abused he's most likely not going to ever remember it eventually. I could be wrong about this, but I believe that part of what makes abuse traumatic (besides being touched sexually) is when children are old enough to know what trust is supposed to be, what adults are supposed to be, what isn't appropriate, etc. In other words, I can't help but think if he was so young he was also too young to take on some of the intellectual confusion that comes when a child is more aware of morality, sex, etc.
Be nice to him. Be respectful. Enjoy him. Listen to what he says, but unless he says something out-and-out disturbing just assume he's fine. You may want to re-think giving him a shower, though, because most children are very uncomfortable to be standing in a shower without clothing and having water blasting over their heads. Maybe ask him if he's like a bath instead.
2006-09-04 19:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say get with the social worker asap..if there is one or put him in therapy...it's amazing what they can do with children through play and art. You have a great responsibilty here to protect this innocent child. The don't touch thing is VERY concerning!! My son is two as well and he's cool with anything really..but he's been safe so it's really strange for a 2 year old boy to be aware that it's a place to really touch anyway ya know. I would definitly get him into counseling because if more terrible things about his young life come out he may be permently taken away from his mother and it might be best if he's been abused. Love and attention are what this baby needs. Lots of it as well. Real attention, coloring together, talking, reading books while you hold him. How sad that this poor child has been so deprived. By the way...THANK YOU for taking this child in and keeping him out of the system. Please love him he needs it!
2006-09-05 06:44:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone else said, either he was abused or he's modest. You know how to find info about the former (everybody does). The latter, well, he doesn't know you from Eve and you're giving him a shower. Plus, he's old enough to remember that people shouldn't touch people there. Tell him that he can wear his underpants in the shower, but he will have to take them off for a little bit so he can clean his hiney. Set a timer for like 30 secs, and say you'll be done b4 the timer goes off. Otherwise, he has to get undressed. Also, try having only your husband bathe him-- he may be less shy if there's no girl around.
Good luck to you both!!!
2006-09-04 17:53:17 · answer #3 · answered by Angela M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've gotten terrific answers already, so I won't repeat what everyone else already said. But I did want to mention that no matter how smart this 2 year old is, he is NOT old enough to bathe or shower by himself; period!!!! You should never, ever leave a TODDLER in a tub by himself no matter what the circumstances are. Accidents happen at the speed of light, as I'm sure you know. Take the advice of others who have said you should ask him why he cries when touching or exposing his privates. My heart goes out to this child; b/c whether or not he was molested (praying that he wasn't) he's had a pretty unstable and traumatic life. His mom doesn't sound like a fit parent. I think it's wonderful that you've taken in her son. GOOD LUCK! I wish you and this little boy the best.
2006-09-05 19:02:55 · answer #4 · answered by Marie K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am saying , he has been molested. It is very uncommen for a child to act that way at that age. At 2 years old they really do not care who washes them where. I think u need to look into this. Is he a foster child? If he is u need to contact the social worker that is working the case and u need to be advised of all the reasons he was removed from the "birth parents" . Are u adopting him? These are the questions we need answered before u can help u figure out what situations the little guy has been through.Please seek help for this . Also place him in counseling .
2006-09-04 17:51:10 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First off, I hope you don't say any of those things in front of the child or where he can hear you. Secondly, lay his things in the restroom and let him bathe himself, check on him periodically to make sure he's OK. Let him do what is comfortable for him until he gets use to being there it's going to take time. And if he is doing this that means he has been exposed to the wrong kind of things. If you took him in you must have a big heart and you should think about taking him for good.
2006-09-08 05:09:34 · answer #6 · answered by april j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How are you in custody of this child? Are you foster parents, or did you adopt this boy? This boy may have been abused if he's crying and telling you not to touch his privates. Either that or he's been trained that no one should touch them. Wherever he came from was probably a bad environment if he's saying he wants to stay at your place. But, you've probably assumed all of this already. Without knowing more details on your relationship to him or how you got him it's hard for me to tell you what to do. If he's only your's on a temporary custodial basis then you need to keep a close watch on him, and make sure that whoever he's going to next knows of your concerns.
2006-09-04 17:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by it's me! 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
As other people have already mentioned, it sounds like possible abuse.
You do need to be very alert and aware of what's going on around him. Start by asking him what he likes better about your place and get him talking comfortably first. And really listen closely to him.
Then when it's shower time, and it's fresh in his mind, work up to gently asking him why he's crying, and ask him if his privates hurt at all? Let him tell you his version of what's happening.
Sounds like he could definitely use some counseling.
2006-09-04 20:35:31 · answer #8 · answered by ♫☼♥ ≈ Debbi ≈ ♥☼♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were given custody, who by? The state or adoption?
Probably has been molested. YOU should contact the people where you got him from (I know that sounds horrible) for a complete history of this child. That way you will know how to deal with things.
The bathroom thing & seeing him naked, maybe have your husband be in the room with him. Maybe he don't like women looking at him or visa versa!
The 2 yr old psyche is very fragile. Will take lots of time and patience on your part!
2006-09-04 18:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by jennifersuem 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him time to build trust in you. He may have been abused. He may not trust because he's been bounced around. Let him wash himself now; you can help him finish washing just before he gets out. He will allow you to help him more as he gains trust and feels safe. He is still young, so he may not be ready to potty train. Let him get accustomed to you and your home. Don't make too many changes at first. I feel for this little guy. He's most likely been through a lot.
2006-09-05 15:28:20 · answer #10 · answered by cindy1323 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋