who has been in an abusive relationship and what do you do about it.?

Question

can be a spouse, parent, friend or child

Answer 1

I was in an abusive relationship for many years. People said I was stupid, but I stayed. And I'm glad I did. My husband wasn't a bad man, just had a horrible temper when things didn't go his way. I got use to walking around on egg shells and keeping the children occupied and out of his way. Then one day, he pushed things too far and I snapped. It was a "hurt me all you want, but hurt my children and you're done" type of thing. He smashed a glass coffee table while I was changing the baby right next to it on the carpet. Nobody was hurt, but I was picking shards of glass out of the baby's hair and I couldn't get past the "what if's". So I called the police, he was carted off to jail and wasn't allowed back in until he attended anger management. He did that, he came back, but his temper was still there. So every incident after the coffee table thing, I called the police and he went back to jail. On his third time through anger management, something clicked with him. He stopped blaming me for his life's problems, he went into therapy on his own to resolve childhood issues and he's a completely different person. The difference is night and day. It's been 9 years since he's raised a hand to me, much less raised his voice. When I look back, I realize I went through alot of un-necessary hell. I could have thrown in the towel from the very beginning, but I didn't. And it wasn't because I was stupid. I stayed because I saw something in him. Even when he was at his most fierce, there was this look of hurt in his eyes. I've tried to explain it a million times and nobody understands, so I don't expect you to either. I'm just saying that only you know whether or not you should stay and only you know when it's time to walk away. Others aren't as lucky as I am. I deal with it for a living, I often tell people to "get out". However, there are a few, under certain circumstances, that I've suggested to stay, and they've thanked me for it.

Answer 2

Well, apparently jewel of fire and I have a lot in common. I, too was with my ex-husband for 8 years and have been with an awesome guy for 6 years. My ex was jerk in every way. He was abusive physically, mentally, sexually, you name it...
I was young when I met him (14) and he was 5 years older. He lied constantly, was controlling cheated like crazy. The abuse didn't start right away. It took until I think he was comfortable enough to know I wouldn't do anything and that I believed the things he said. (within the first 6 months or so). It only got worse, and worse. By the time I left him, he had been having an affair for the last 2 1/2 years, had a baby with the girlfriend (that I would babysit while he took her out). I was so scared to leave, I got along with his family ( who all said I should leave him), but that made it worse. I needed a clean escape. It's like you're brainwashed in a way, when you're in these situations. You get up the strength to go, they tell you they'll hunt you down, get your family, maybe throw you around a little, tell you how horrible of a person you are if you leave, etc. so you stay again.
The vicious circle will just continue forever if you don't change it.
I finally got up the courage to do it, and was so happy, people couldn't believe they were talking to the same person. I had a rough go in court, with custody and the divorce, but in the end, I have the kids, my divorce and my happiness.(he has visitation, but once court ended, so did his efforts in seeing the kids, better that way, though)
If you need to talk, contact me, I'd be happy to help!

Answer 3

I found myself in an abusive marriage at 18 yrs old. After having a baby and me and her being hit on too many times, I got out of it. (21) I was lucky though. I had my family behind me all the way even paying for my divorce. The scars will always be there and every guy I date I wonder if the situation will be repeated, but you know what? I'm alive and I think if I would of stayed in the relationship, I wouldn't be. I am also a lot stronger person now.

Answer 4

I've been in a few. Seemed like the first one set the stage for the rest. It was like I had "VICTIM" tattooed on my forehead or something. First it was my mother, then my husband, then a boyfriend. I avoid the parent like the plague, have since I was old enough to move out on my own. I divorced the spouse. After the divorce, I chose the wrong boyfriend, put him in jail and haven't seen him since. That was about ten years ago and there's been nothing like that since. Never again. I am more careful now and much quicker to recognize the signs of a potential abuser.

Answer 5

You know... people always say just get out of the relationship.. but you know.. when you are in that situation, it's really hard just to say goodbye. I've been there... I put up with it for two years and I knew I had to leave, but I was afraid because I didn't have a car, didn't want to move back to my hometown to live with my family, didn't have enough money, and the biggest reason.. afraid of being abused even more.

One day, it just snapped in my head and I just knew I had to get out... and I did. One of the best decisions I've ever made. I won't say just walk away.. because when you are good and ready, you'll leave. My life was more important than being afraid to ask
for help.

I hope you aren't in any situation that is abusive, if you are.. just know that you will always have friends and family to turn to, whenever you are ready.

<33

Answer 6

I was for one year. The more abusive (mentally and physically) the relationship became the more I felt I needed to stay. I put up with it for a year thinking I could make him see that I am a great person. I was wrong. He apparently had a chemical imbalance. Cant change anyone. I ended up finally hating him. My great grandmother said I needed to get away from him. She said she is worried... That day I broke it off. I was free. I am now married to the greatest guy in the world and we have a 5 month old!

Answer 7

Get out now. It will only get worse and more dangerous. If this is a child, call the child protective agency. You could be saving a child's life.If it is you and you have a child, you are teaching your child that abuse is ok to dish out and/or receive. This cycle will continue with them nearly ALWAYS.

Answer 8

An abuser will always target the weak. So get tough and in control and get out. Dont be afraid to ask for help . There is a better world out there.

Answer 9

I was with my ex - what did I do? I took it until I woke up and asked myself what the hell I was doing to myself let alone to my children. He walked out thinking he could keep coming back and doing as he pleased. I changed the locks, packed all his crap and dumped it on his mother's porch. Am I glad now almost eight years later that I did it? Yes, we ended up divorced and the kids see him every other weeked by his choice. I met the most wonderful man in the world that I have been with for almost six years - does he raise a finger to me? NEVER - If you are being abused, you don't have to stay. Talk to someone if it is a family member doing this to you, please get help. Help yourself, in the end you will be proud of yourself for doing so.

Answer 10

Get away from the abuser. The abuser has many esteem issues that are not your fault and the abuse you received from them was due to their problems and not because there is anything wrong with you. Do positive things that will build your confidence back up and surround yourself with optomistic and encouraging people.