I asked him was it women in general or mainly Black women. He said mainly Black women because he dates them exclusively. We have been dating for a few months (I am a Black woman and he is Black also). Now that I know that he feels this way, coupled with the fact that the women that he is normally attracted to are extremely light skinned, (I am not light skinned, by the way) it makes me worry. He says that I don't have anything to worry about but, now that he's expressed those views and feelings to me, I feel like this could be something potentially explosive. Do you think that based off of what I know and what he has expressed that my feelings about the situation are valid? I totally understand being cautious and learning from one's mistakes but I just want a fair chance at this relationship and I try to give him the same thing. What do you think?
2006-09-04 16:38:58 · 20 answers · asked by ♥BlackGirlLost♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry, but it sounds like a bad risk. He really should resolve his issues before dating, and likely submitting an innocent person to the potential abuse that could result from his mistrust and dislike of Black women. You know I'm right. And you also know there are a lot of men out there who don't have these issues. You can't fix him!
2006-09-04 16:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you have to ask yourself, How important is this relationship with this man? Do you love him? How much? Do you see yourself marrying him? Based on your questions and answers to yourself, you can move forward.Second,is there a trust issue between the two of you? Sounds like he's showing some distrust towards you.Talk to him, ask him what other women have done to him.Be yourself always honest, open and up front with him Lead by example(walk the walk) not by talking.Show him your serious. He's hurt and he could have mistrust that starts as far back as childhood.If you love him you'll find out. In doing this love yourself, don't forget that you can't help anyone if you don't help you first. Do Not except being hurt. Good Luck,GOD SPEED!
2006-09-04 17:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by Donna P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he hasn't demonstrated any aggressive behaviour to show his "negative outlook" either physically or verbally...then he may have just been referencing trusting..and that may simply be because he had been cheated on before...probably the only reason he said black woman mostly - is mostly that is who he dates...I wouldn't worry about that remark TOO much, and just be loving and caring and show him he can indeed trust YOU and in time (if that was his only concern) he will see where his feelings were perhaps unjustified to judge all on a few, and your own love will restore his feelings to those of love and trust, and you'll be the one he shares that with.
In time..you will know...for now?...I'd give the man a chance. Seems to me he is simply a man that has been jilted..and needs the love and trust of a good woman to turn that around. Good luck.
2006-09-04 16:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him to counseling!! He really needs to resolve his issues with women before he jumps into a relationship. He is only shooting himself in the foot. He should not do any dating until he visits those feelings. I should know. When my ex wife cheated on me, I had a whole lot of feelings resurface from when I was growing up, when you could (and sometimes would) be talked down to just because you were a male. I wouldn't put with it. I could take the joking and ribbing, but when I would hear women talking men down and talking to little boys, telling them that they would never be anything, or amount to anything, I would just explode. I couldn't trust a woman even half the distance I ould throw her, but I knew that not every woman was like that, and so I fought and prayed and worked my self down, to rid myself of those feelings. I came out on top, and I know that there are some great women out there. You seem to be a great woman, so keep your head up, and I hope he doesn't lose what could be the best thing to happen in his life.
2006-09-04 16:53:07 · answer #4 · answered by savvyd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got your work cut out for you if you decide to stay. Aside from the black issue- the trust and negativity issue would keep me away alone. If he was really willing to trust you and not put you into that generalization of how he felt about women- he would not have brought it up in that way. You've been together for months and that's what you got out of him? Not "I used to think like that, but you're helping to change my views". Think about yourself for a minute. Is he worth it? Do you or can you really deal with the lack of trust issues? Believe me, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. Hope it works out in your best interests. Good Luck!
2006-09-04 16:49:51 · answer #5 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In any long term relationship, its not just the physical, racial or looks that count. That appears to be all that you are interested in.
What about:
1. Sincerity/honesty?
2. Respect for each other's views and values?
3. Mutual understanding?
4. Compatible values?
5. Ease of communication between you?
2006-09-04 16:57:56 · answer #6 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think color has anything to do with it. The women he has dated burned him. They probably thought that they had one man, but maybe they could get a better one later, in the meantime, use him. He is being overly cautious. Comparing you with them. Don't give him all your attention. You'll end up falling down hard with disappointment. Keep the relationship in friendship for awhile. Trust will have to grow. Give it time. But don't give him any reasons to mistrust you.
2006-09-04 16:48:41 · answer #7 · answered by Liz R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I strongly believe that he has some soul searching issues that he needs to resolve. If I were you, I'd let go, and if he comes back to you a changed man, then he is a keeper. Don't spend too much time with his issues. You can only do so much "understanding" in a relationship.
2006-09-04 16:48:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are we talking about having a negative outlook on women or trust issues or what kind of women he likes to date? For me to be able to give you a fair opinion your going to have to clarify what you asked him and his answer was.
2006-09-04 16:47:18 · answer #9 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If any one has trust issues they should work them out in counseling...Men don't normally do this....Some without trust result to violence to control the female.. He epressed his feelings ..that's good....maybe he should work on himself more before he comits to anyone..Your guy is missing out on a good thing....the trust issue interfer
s with every thing. give him room..you can't change people ...no matter what you think..nothing you can do will help him..just remain supportive and remind him that his problems are things that HE needs to deal with.and that you will be there for him if he needs you......if you're serious about him let him go on to do his healing....if it's meant to be he'll be back..thanking you .
2006-09-04 16:49:27 · answer #10 · answered by cesare214 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋